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Instant gratification - living in a "me" world ...
March 17, 2005
9:31 pm
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angel4U
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I was wondering why the world seems to be caught up in this phase of "I have to have it now" and "it's all about me". Has it always been this way and I'm just naive?

For instance:

- when they are in a relationship or marriage that has some problems, they chose to walk out and find someone new, rather than weather the ups & down that every relationship has and build a stronger, more meaningful relationship.
- they'd rather find people that will give up all of their needs to take care of them, rather than learning how to take responsibility for themselves and care about others.
- they cover up their pain by using addictive substances (drugs/alcohol) or behaviors (sex), rather than doing whatever it takes to learn to deal with the pain and become a happy person.
- they fight, rather than learning to effectively communicate and talk about things.
- they have to prove they are right, rather than taking the time to see the other's point of you and maybe learn something new.
- when they want something, they take it, rather than working for it. And normally they take from people that have worked hard for it.
- when someone else has something they want, they become jealous and envious instead of being happy for them and possibly learning and putting effort into getting it for themselves.

Does anyone else see that this has gotten more the norm over time?

March 17, 2005
9:40 pm
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Rasputin
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Yes, and the reason is because we live in a fallen world where Satan and Sin dominate.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is wiling. We are all brainwashed by the world's system.

Also I would like to outline an important point here and that is EDUCATION. Unfortuanely, when we educate our kids, we treat and educate girls differently from boys. We teach Girls to stay at home,study, learn household chores, be sweet and obedient, and go to church. Whereas we teach Boys to go out, do this and that, learn to be street-wise. We also teach them that having sex with girls is ok because it will teach them to be more polished.

So, that is why we grow up, (I am a female), to behave differently. We women tend to be more mature, wise, cautious. Men tend to be immatue, unwise reckless.

This is just a few of what I believe is causing this discrepancy in our life.

Love,

Rasputin

March 17, 2005
9:42 pm
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trying2getwell
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Actually I've thought about this one a lot. I believe it has a lot to do with society. I've heard people say that they're getting married and in the next breath say that if it doesn't work they'll just get a divorce. I'm like you. I think you're suppose to work at it. People don't seem to have as many morals today as they use to. I'd also like to hear others share about this subject.

March 17, 2005
10:34 pm
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angel4U
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I've heard people say that about marriage too. I have many single female and male friends that want to get married too, but they are so lonely that they jump in bed way too early just to ease the pain of the loneliness ... and are always disappointed when (in the woman's case) the guy never calls them again (or in the man's) that they don't understand why so many relationships they are getting into are failing.

I hear others talking about the "friends with benefits" thing, thinking that it may help the relationship build into something more. What happended to holding out and self-control, and building that friendship "before" having sex.

It seems good morals and hard work ethics are going out the window, and so many people are unhappy. Sorry, don't mean to preach. It's just that this all, and the above, has been irking me lately.

March 17, 2005
11:02 pm
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suckernomore
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It's the "magic pill" of technology that makes us live inhumanely. Think about it, Minute Rice, e-mail, fast-food, Prozac, any number of modern conveniences, far too many to list in this post, but you get the general idea.
Who has time for relationships? We don't have time to deal with pain, it's so inconvenient. Pass me another beer, another pill, another one night stand and i'll get through another day without thinking and examining my life. As long as i can feel good, i'll be ok. The problem is, we are all inherently "moral" and instinctively know this "Postmodern" society we live in is not all it's cracked up to be. That's why people that are on these boards and in psychotherapy are looked at as the weak ones, but truth is, we're the strong ones. We've become aware of how utterly wrong it is to let all this new found techonology take the pain of living away from us. We know that life is bigger than Prozac and Big Mac's, that the things that the "Pre-modernist" lived for; family, values, God and country, are ultimately what life, to a degree, is all about.
Funny thing is, we aren't wired to be "instant", we're wired for relationship, thought, examination and eventually, as in my case, you will succumb to the inner emotional pain and may find yourself with suicidal ideations. Of ending this despair and pain. It's than that you can truly grow, it's there that you see God the clearest, in the deepest Valley of your life. It's there you can slow down and take life and live it on life's terms. Simply put, our society doesn't breed that, but the God of my understanding is bigger than even American PostModernism.

There...what a rant:)

March 17, 2005
11:11 pm
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Rasputin
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Suckernomore,

Thank you so much for your post. I enjoyed it a lot. Your perspective is so right on!!!

March 18, 2005
2:47 am
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angel4U
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Wow! ... Beautifully said, suckernomore! Please don't ever give another thought of going anywhere! This world needs more people like you!

It feels like everyone's running around in circles these days stressed out and without a purpose. The pressure sometime is enormous, and I'm sooo tired of it! I too believe humans need relationships, but unfortunately I am finding it hard to find people with basic, honest, spiritual qualities .. or if they have them, they are afraid to say so for fear of being judged as (as you say) the weaker race ... or maybe like many of us, are afraid of being taken advantage of or sucked into someone else's empty moral-less world.

Anyone else? I'd love to hear more people respond on this one.

March 18, 2005
6:45 am
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CODA_Mom
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Hi angel,

Thank you for this post...it is so "right on".

In my opinion, I think this sense of entitlement started with my generation, the baby boomers (ok, yes I am that old). Because this generation received so much more in the way of material possessions than any generations previously (our parents wanted things to be so much better than their Depression-era parents) the self-centered, me-ness grew and flourished.

Everything started becoming more instant and disposable in the quest to keep this generation instantly satisfied.

Unfortunately, this mindset also spilled over into relationships. With the boomers' new-found rebellion against the Establishment they also endorsed and applauded sex with no commitment. This is not an opinion, this is actually what happened, I was there in person to both witness and partake of it. Okay, I know that this is a controversial area here but nobody can ever convince me that it was a healthy thing. From what I've learned, it does provide instant gratification but once the high is gotten the person asks themself, "Is that all there is?" They feel used and cheated and become angry. The cycle is then started with another person, more hurt, more pain and wounded hearts.

Angel, I believe that there are still a remnant "out there" holding onto values of honesty and decency, but I think that you are so right when you say that they are afraid to speak out because they will be judged harshly as a fanatic or a right-winger.

What we can do individually is to examine our own lives and strive to be people with values and spiritual commitments, but remember to throw away the goal of people-pleasing, it just ain't gonna work here.

As a therapist, I am always amazed at the impact one person can make. I have seen many lives destroyed at the hands of one abuser, but have also seen the positive impact that just one positive person can make, too.

Thanks, again, for this post, blessings,

CM

March 18, 2005
7:39 am
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mamacinnamon
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Angel,

I am one of those "holding onto values of honesty and decency". It has made it hard when raising our kids w/ the "but mom they get to", "but mom I'm the only one that cannot...". It makes me sad that my children aren't allowed to go over to just anyone's house or run around w/ anyone they want to; but we tell them we love them enough to care what they are doing and who they are with. NO, we are not choosing their friends for them. Each has had friends that are questionable. In that case they are allowed at our home, but our child is not allowed at their home and the reason is always stated.

I know we are not discussing kids. Was just goin off one of CODA_Mom's points there. So, onto relationships.

I was raised the same as I raise my kids just a bit more strictly. We were to uphold high morals and were to not "embarass" our parents. We were taught to give before taking; to do for others before having done for us.

lol. Keep goin back to kids and raising.

Really, I think that is where all this started. It has to do w/ discipline and morals we were taught as children. It has to do w/ putting others first while looking out for ourselves as well. It has to do w/ spending time w/ our children and teaching our children the difference between black and white and not that all is gray. One step further that is MY belief is that a child should be brought up w/ the love of Jesus.

Ever hear of the book "What would Jesus Do?" That book explains how, if you want a selfless world to be, to obtain a selfless world. Check it out and you'll see what I'm talking about.

They have sex ed taught in school; wish they would teach a class on morals. But then if they don't see their parents practicing selflessness then neither will they.

March 18, 2005
8:11 am
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suckernomore
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Ahhh, relationship:) The reason i think most of us are on here, at least why i am here, is i skipped the most important relationship. (Not to offend any of the religious type by this, but it applies there too, if you really think about it.)
And that "most important" relationship was and is getting to know and love myself. I used to scoff at the people who would say " you can't love anyone else until you learn to love yourself" but now am seeing otherwise.
So, Angel, those things you are looking for in others, those basic spiritual, honest qualities, recognize and embrace them in your self and i think you may find those stragglers, those diamond in the rough people ,drawn to you. But now that you love yourself, that your getting healthier, those "other" people that are drawn to you, and that at one time you were drawn to, you will now have the strength, the wisdom, the courage and the good sense to set boundaries with them. I am learning that I AM worth protecting, worth spoiling, worth believing in and worth being trusted. My "other" people have always been the "sick puppies", the alcoholics, the girls who don't eat or anyone that had a more interesting story than mine and who didn't match up to my "perfection". I would do everything for them, but absolutely nothing for me. I would lose sleep, use my resources,make myself too uncomfortable and burnout, leaving nothing left but an empty resentful, controlling, manipulative shell. Now i'm learning that my relationships don't have to be that way. That though i haven't met anyone of the opposite sex since i've started my recovery, when i do i will have so much more to bring to the table.....and have so much more i will actually expect in return. That's a bold statement for me. And what i expect is the same new found respect i am giving myself, the same love and consideration and gentleness i am learning day by day to show myself.
Yes, i will still deal with the alcoholics, the ED's, and other addicts, but will no longer feel i have to fix them. One thing that Al-Anon helped me with, and i resisted it at first, was to open my eyes to my own disease, my own illness. That i am an addict too, but i can't blame ot on a substance like booze or controlling food. My addiction isn't covered by substances. I once said to a nurse on duty while i was in the hospital and they were getting ready to have an AA meeting that i wish i was an alcoholic, at least i could blame my problems on a genetic flaw, instead my problem was ME.
Anyway, another suckernomore rant brought to you courtesy of Finding The Silver Lining, Inc

March 18, 2005
5:29 pm
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trying2getwell
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Suckernomore,
I just hope that there are more out there like you and one day when I am ready, I find one. PS, I love to hear you rant.

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