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Insecure
August 12, 2007
12:31 pm
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euqcaj
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I sure am feeling insecure,.....sometimes if someone looks at me funny, I take it all in as, "Do I look funny, do they think my thoughts are stupid?" Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm equal to my peers. I know in my mind that we are all people, but I still have these feelings at times and it's very dibilatating. A real set back. Maybe it's because I'm emotionally behind everyone else my age because of my past, including drinking too much. I've heard that stunts our emotional growth. But it's been 16 years since I've drank alcoholically, I should have a better grasp on things. I still have this problem though. What makes a person confident all the time. I guess no one is all the time, it just seems that way. Any ideas?

August 12, 2007
5:33 pm
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justmakinit9
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euqcaj-
I am probably younger than you but i struggle constantly with the feeling that i am not on the same level as my peers and i also find myself wondering how they can be so confident all the time. truthfully, i'm not sure what makes them so confident....and i also think that they may seem so confident because we ouselves don't feel very confident. i used to feel insecure all the time growing up especially but now that i am a little older now and i feel as if i have a good friend base and people who care about me, including a good therapist, i start to feel more equal and confident about myself and things around me...

this may not be the right answer or advice but i believe it all just takes time and when you find something that works for you, you will know becaus eyou will begin to see the change...you just have to believe in yourself....all easier said than done, i know...

August 12, 2007
5:41 pm
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Rasputin
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euq~

Confidence is a process. I was at your place at some point. Thru losts of hard work, readings, time etc, I started to heal and my confidence and self-worth is getting back to me. So I would like to reassure you hon....if you persevere in your emotional healing, you will attain your goals, be it confidenc, self-esteem or worth, it will all come back to you gradually and little by little.

For the time being...start doing good things to your self. Take care of yourself, purchase something you love, an outfit, a good book, fix a nice dinner with candle lit ambiance. I've ordered a love story novel lately, and always treat myself and try to show love to myself as much as possible.

Chill out...you are on the right track!

August 12, 2007
6:34 pm
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lemoni
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Hey.. yes I get that to. I think it is good to be around ppl who genuinley care about us when we feel like that to bolster our esteem. I think for the most part those who come over as really confident are quite the opposite. ppl have many masks.
I do think confidence is about self understanding. We make demands on ourselves. I was in Sanfran one time and I heard a man on the radio say 'if we truely could see into ourselves,our own souls, we would be so astounded by our beauty we would fall on the ground and worship one another'If you can see into yourself, you will see all of humanity. What I feel he/she feels also. If we know ourselves, I mean truely, we will know others to. we will never again doubt ourselves bcoz we discover our true identity, which is ultimatley one with everything.

August 12, 2007
7:08 pm
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Anonymous
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wow...

'if we truely could see into ourselves,our own souls, we would be so astounded by our beauty we would fall on the ground and worship one another'

how beautiful...

I agree with justmakin in that a friendly circle of support will do so much to us. One cant get it all from hubby, gosh, could he provide that much? And the best I heard from a therapist I dont really value is that it takes more than one person for us to count on. I also like what Ras said about persevering in your emotional healing. We dont seem ready for what life dishes us out at times and all we can do is try to rescue that small child from the fear, anger, guilt, shame or whatever negative stuff that is holding her back. Sometimes we tend to think "we´ve arrived" and "opened our third eye" but life is a school without vacation, says my nun friend. Accepting your feeling of insecurity is number one.

I agree with lemoni that ppl wear many masks and one of them is the "dont let them see you sweat" mask. We revolve around masks as hosts, drivers, mothers, teachers, cooks, WASP OR PSAW, whatever. However we have to own to our true feelings. Ive hidden my insecurity feelings so well (maybe I do have hipomania and a double streak) that ppl couldnt believe when I fell really sick with depression. Basically my parents didnt have much quality time with me (I like how I wrote this for the first time). I had to get by imitating classmates and older sieblings as if I were one of them. To my detriment...

See if you can feel your insecurity by yourself. If you can´t, its probably only in your mind. Because when we make comparisons to ppl, we certainly got the wrong parameters.

"Desiderata"

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here

August 13, 2007
9:57 am
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euqcaj
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September 27, 2010
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Wow! Thank you! and thank you Sininho,...for typing Desiderata! I read it slowly and there was peace. I remember seeing that as a teenager on my mother's wall. I didn't take the time to let it "sink in",...wish I had of. Thank you again.

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