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Indifference
September 13, 2005
3:10 pm
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taj64
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Hi. I have been listening and passing my thoughts to all of you out there. I have not been sharing on myself as much. I am wondering, lately been feeling indifferent. Been keeping busy, sleeping better, working on projects around the house, etc. It has been at about a month since no contact. In the beginning I had a lot of mixed up emotions. I still feel it was the best, that it was not a good relationship for me to be in. Is it normal to feel indifferent? It seems as if each day is just the same. Im not feeling bad but not feeling good either. Everything seems so mundane right now. At times I miss him. That is when I remember good things. Then I think about things he said that make me angry or hurt. I know this will pass. Can anyone help me analyze this feeling of indifference to everything right now? I can't seem to move quickly from this but I want to.

September 13, 2005
3:26 pm
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Shaney
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IS each day the same?

I usually get out of life exactly what I put into it. If I don't make any plans (activities, friends, etc), then I feel pretty blah too - like nothing is exciting - I'm just bored and indifferent.

You may need some stimulation? I need things to look forward to, to talk about once I do them, and to remember. Start to fill up your schedule - even if it's as simple as dinner with a friend right after work. I, myself am going to sign up for a stretch class two nights a week at the community center... some relaxtion and stimulation at the same time! Take a craft class with a girlfriend, or look up some old friends and five them a call. Many of my friends live a couple of hours away so we get dressed up and meet in the middle somewhere.

Just some suggestions to pull you out of your funk... I think that's all it is - a funk. It'll pass, honey.

September 13, 2005
3:37 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Taj,

I believe honey you are going thru Grief Process. I am in the middle of reading "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie. And it talks about this process. I highly recommed you to forgive your Ex, to be honest with yourself and feel your feelings, cry, journal, come on here and vent. Purchase Melody's book, it is very eye-opening.

I promise to keep you in my thougths and prayers.

~Love, Ras~

September 13, 2005
3:41 pm
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Anonymous
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indifference is the end of the journey - believe it or not - or so my mom's therapist told her.

when my mom reached indifferent in her feelings towards her step father that abused her in EVERY way - she said she was done.

hating someone is still giving them the benefit of feeling "something" - loving them, of course, is obvious. When you have NO feelings - you are essentially done.

done with the anger, done with the hate, done with the resentment - you have worked thru it and have put it all away - you are wasting no more energy - bad or good - on this person.

don't be scared of it - celebrate it - life may seem mundane - but that's for you to change - the feelings of indifference toward him are something you don't want to change - embrace it...feels weird huh?

September 13, 2005
3:49 pm
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taj64
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I think both of you are insightful, Ras and Shaney. I am in a funk, just a few days now. And also still grieving too though I don't recall feeling so non emotional like this. I don't feel like crying. I have read the melody book. Right now I am trying to read the book on forgiveness. Those of you that have not read it, it is so good. It is called Forgiveness is a Choice by Robert Enright. I think reading it, has me thinking that I need to forgive yet I am not quite ready because Im still mad. Im not quite right with the world just yet. Im not quite sure what is in store. My guess is a lack of faith right now. Maybe when I get home from work, I will do some yard work and be outside in warm air and get out of my funk.

September 13, 2005
3:56 pm
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taj64
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Wow Ali I didn't think of it that way. I thought more of it as a crummy way to feel. I think I am not quite done. This is a process for me. Im not where I was a month ago yet I am not done with all this. Ali thank you, I think knowing this that I will embrace it when I am done. I hope to know the difference between indifference and actually being done and moved on. He is still in my heart regardless of how I feel about him. That I cannot change. I will work on it.

September 13, 2005
4:04 pm
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Anonymous
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he will always be in your heart.

but when you are done - you won't be questioning why you aren't feeling anything any more - more days will pass between times he enters your mind.

I don't think he will ever be done - as long as he is in your heart - but the time you spend thinking on it will only be a fleeting glance in what was - not a total backslide into "what could have been".

I think the lack of feelings is scary - after all we go thru - the waking up and realizing it's been days since he has crossed your mind - days since your heart had any pang for him - those days will become farther and farther between - and one day it will be just a fleeting memory.

good luck - and remember - if the rest of your life seems blah - then spice it up!

September 13, 2005
4:14 pm
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Shaney
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That's a great discovery - indifference may be a feeling to embrace right now. I find that when I stay home too much, whether I'm working on projects or not, I get kind of blah. Getting out of the house may be a good start to begin feeling refreshed and recharged again. I love yard work too, Taj. I also LOVE feeding the birds and watching all their habits and interactions with one another. I can watch them for hours - it's very theraputic, relaxing and really funny at times. I have a set of beautiful jays that come and sit on the patio at a certain time of day and squawk until I come outside. They almost take the peanuts out of my hand now! They're a lot of fun.

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