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independent woman
May 6, 2000
1:55 pm
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general
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How do you communicate and grow with a wonderful woman who professes her independence, is overly stressed out with her responsibilities, and refusses to let you share her enterself. When I try to share and communicate with her she with draws and take what I say negatively and subjectively. When I try to explain and expand the thought she with draw more.

May 6, 2000
3:33 pm
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TRosciano
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I personally would give her space because you cannot make her communicate with you if she doesn't want to. When she is ready to discuss whatever is bothering her or talk about her pressures let her know that she can come to you when she is ready to communicate with you. If she is being so negative towards you then I would reevaluate your relationship. Is this what kind of relationship you want to be in? You cannot make another person change the way they are and can you live with her the way she is? Was she this way when you first met? Do what makes you happy but realize that the more you pressure her to talk to you the less she probably is willing to talk with you. Let her know your feelings and tell her she can come to you when she's ready and leave it at that. Don't repeat the same stuff over and over because I'm sure she heard you the first time. I think you know in your heart if this is the right relationship for you! Good Luck and this is just friendly advice, remember I'm not a professional.

May 6, 2000
6:44 pm
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Cici
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I always thought how a person relates to others aroundher isbased on how the learned to deal with relationships in the past. You can't force someone to re-learn how to associate with other people.

May 6, 2000
11:15 pm
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janes
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I am a wonderful woman.(thankyou no applause) but I also am overly stressed, and sometimes, (most times) don't share my entire self.

But how do you know she is not? And..if she is overly stressed...it could just be really tough to open up and share.

Maybe...if you just make those evenings together pleasant, enjoyable, easy...it will be easier for her.
But if she is really codependent like me she will find it really hard to accept the kindly stuff you offer.

If so...maybe you should read up on codependency to see if you can help in a quiet way.

It's hard for us codeps to take anything postivley.

I am currently rereading Melody Beatties book codependent no more and this time it is making even more sense.

take your time and be easy...get the book. Maybe she will become interested.

Just don't try force.

the sharing has to be honestly and when she wants to and feels safe!

good luck

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