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Inconsistent Behavior
July 2, 2009
11:07 am
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nwsunshine
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September 24, 2010
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Hi all! New to the site, excited to join! Pls give me your feedback!

Met a woman online. Not initialy physically attracted after meeting up but found her to be intellectually and emotionally interesting.

She emailed me consistently and initiated more dates, told me, "she almost kissed" me during a date.

I became more invested in seeing her, and developed a sexual, intellectual and emotional interest even though, I was still not physically attracted. She was very charming, sweet, and was interested in me.

Almost as soon as I showed interest in her, she started to keep me at arm's length. We agreed to be just friends. Now, even as friends, she says she'd like to see me, she seriously thinks we can be good friends, but she doesn't act consistently with what she says. When I say, let's meet, let me know when, she doesn't respond.

SO...my Qs are...why am I so emotionally invested? I feel the urgency and craziness of being kept at arm's length and at the same time being told she wants to be friends. I have lots of activities and friends, but this unhealthy interaction is sucking me in, and I am allowing it to. What is the matter with me? Can you offer information that will help me get a good grip on the situation?

Thanks!
nwsunshine

July 2, 2009
12:13 pm
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truthBtold
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Hi nwsunshine and welcome.

I don't think that there is anything at all 'the matter' with you and I think that you have a good grip on the situation already!

I think it is kind of normal to 'get sucked in' at least INITIALLY to know what's up and then know enough to back off when the bahvior is not consistent, which is what you have already established.

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard:

"When someone shows you who they are THE FIRST TIME......believe them!"

I wouldn't fret too much over this. You already seem to have enough wherewithall about you to see the situation for exactly what it is.

Good to (as Barney Fife used to say....nip it, nip it, nip it - in the bud.)

tBt

July 2, 2009
6:47 pm
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nwsunshine
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Thanks tBt for your support! Just today, she wanted to meet and then cancelled and wants to meet next week! I will practise letting her go and stop having expectations.

nwsunshine

July 2, 2009
8:30 pm
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truthBtold
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nwsunshine,

Yeah - she sounds like a lose screw alright.

Better to cut the chords already and move on and just basically chunk this one up to experience and what NOT to look for nor get attracted to in the future....ya know?

Hindsight 20/20.

Process of elimination.........

nwsunshine, if you do not mind me gettin rather personal here - My sense is that you are a great catch.

(Don't know how I know that....I just do.)

Don't settle sweetheart. You don't have to 'go there...." - if you know what I mean?

My sense is that you will be able to connect with someone who is well above and past superficial games like these and will be quite the perfect match for you....so - don't waste your time and settle sweetheart with these empty-like imposters..........

Follow your heart.

It will never steer you wrong. Not now - not ever.

July 2, 2009
10:53 pm
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atalose
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Welcome nwsunshine,

You could be overly emotionally invested for a number of reasons, you want something you can’t have, the thrill of the hunt, the intrigue of it all.

But my best guess would be, since you came to a site for codependency issues that maybe you sense your own issues rising up here and need to understand yourself more.

It sounds to me like she is playing games, loves the attention and knows just how to get it from you. She sounds like a toxic person that you certainly don’t need in your life.

Now about help so you can get a grip, stop contacting her or responding to her. Get busy with those activities and friends and write this one off as a learning experience of WHAT YOU DON’T WANT IN LIFE.

Half the battle of knowing what we do want in life is experiencing what we don’t want!!!!!

Stick around and keep posting……

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 3, 2009
3:55 am
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nwsunshine
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tbt:

Thanks for the compliment. You are just being kind, right? You don't really know who I am do you? You kinda use similar txt punctuation...I'm paranoid!

nwsunshine, if you do not mind me gettin rather personal here - My sense is that you are a great catch.

(Don't know how I know that....I just do.)

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