Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
inappropriate sexual behavior bewteen a 9 1/2 year-old boy and a 14 year-old boy
March 28, 2007
10:18 pm
Avatar
concernedparent
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Our son, age 9, just confided in us today that he and a neighbor friend have been "touching" each other underneath their pants. The 14 year old is a very manipulative young man, who has been hanging around our son for about a year and a half.He instigated this behavior and encouraged our son to participate.

Our son feels very, very bad about this situation because he allowed it to happen, and continued with this behavior--about 5 instances in all. We reassured him that he was not a bad person, and having the courage to come to us was the most important thing. He has not been playing with this boy for a few months now--probably because our son refused to partake in the behavior and said he was going to tell his parents (us.)The 14 year-old told our son that he could not do that because they would both get in trouble and it would be spread "all over the news." I am so happy that our son felt he could tell us, as hard as it was for him.

I have already located a local counselor that I will call tomorrow. Our son actually seems okay at the moment. We think that release of this insane pressure/guilt has freed him up a bit. But, we know counseling is still a necessity. We are wondering what the law states for such situations? We plan to confront the parents with these facts so their son will not continue to abuse any other young children. But at this time, do not want to press charges. If we go to a counselor, is he/she required to notify authorities? Thank you in advance for any help and guidance. This has been an extremely difficult day.

March 29, 2007
4:04 am
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm afraid I couldn't tell you about the legal aspect of this. Its probably best to contact an attorney about that.

I do volunteer work with adult victims of child sexual abuse. Its hard work but well worth it. The misplaced guilt you describe is very common in victims and I am so so glad that your little boy and you have discovered this now and are able to do something about it. In fact I could have just hugged you when you said you were bringing him to counseling...because I talk to adults who have carried that same unfounded guilt around with them for years untreated...it can do great damage to a person, its heartbreaking. I have seen it here too, when kind nice decent human beings write about an incident that occured when they were children and then ask "was is my fault?" or "Which part was my fault?" Its just heartbreaking, these people can't see how distorted their view is...they have carried the guilt around with them for so long that its well and truly gotten under their skin and become part of them. You are saving your son all of that.

Keep him away from that boy. I'd wonder what is it that has made this 14 yr old do this? I wonder if he's been a victim himself? Not that I'm excusing it, some see 14 yr olds as old enough to know better and some see them as children still. Whatever the case, there is obviously some sort of psychological damage on this teen. However, thats not your problem....its very brave and I think very much the right thing to inform the parents of whats going on. Perhaps they will do the right thing and bring their own child for help too. The only thing is, I wouldn't go in there all guns blazing and ready for a fight...it could be that they have no clue about this and will be as shocked and upset as you when they find out. I'd just be matter of fact about it. Taking legal or civil action is one course of action, but the 14 yr old needs to be spoken to by a professional...if when the parents are informed they do not do this immediately, then I'd look further into taking some sort of legal action...this can't go unchecked, for your sons sake or any other little boy the teen meets.

March 29, 2007
8:48 am
Avatar
hopeful for change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Being sexually abused myself and having a similar situation...I would bet that 14 year old has been molested as well.

March 29, 2007
8:58 am
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The only other concern that I would have is that usually when something like this happens, it is because I would not be surprised if the fourteen year old had been molested in the past. Thats sad and I am wondering if you have discussed it with his parents. He clearly needs help.

March 29, 2007
11:03 am
Avatar
gracenotes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

concernedparent,

I think you have done all the right things, and it would be really good if your son saw a counselor. If the counselor does report it (depends on the laws in the state you live in), I would think it would be for the good of all. Maybe there's another predator involved with that 14 year old kid. They would probably talk to the 14-year-old at his school, at least that what CPS would do in California. I do bet that the other kid was molested himself and it is important to get this out in the open. Thank goodness for caring parents like you and that your son felt that he could tell you about this.

April 4, 2007
10:38 am
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

concerned,

Are you concerned because this was another boy touching your son, or because your 9 year old is becoming sexually aware at such a young age?

I was molested by much older, 8++ years older boys and it definately stole my innocence. The strange thing is, that I also "played doctor" and "fooled around" with girls older than myself and was considered a stud for that. I am concerned here that when someone mentioned the authorities that it is because this is a same sex event? The boy is 14 and has harmones that are probably driving him to do this; he may also be gay and, like many boys, have an attraction to your son.

The bottom line is that they are both too young to be touching each other ANYWHERE! It sounds like you have done the right thing by separating them and couseling may be a good idea; Atlthough it sounds a bit drastic if your son is otherwise well adjusted.

Cary

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111121
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38715
Posts: 714567
Newest Members:
lovingLaa, zokgassi, Wilthe, Marek, ssdchemical33, jack1palmer
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information