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In our choosing...
January 2, 2008
1:40 pm
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Sakti
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September 27, 2010
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Remember me, clean for awhile. Husband with 90 days clean, no license, no car. SIL living with us.

In the past 1.5 weeks this is what has happened.

I couple I don't know called my husband and ask for a place to stay for a while (big long story they gave), neither with a car both early in recovery. Husband wanted to be of service - I said no, for many reasons. Actually they found and another option.

New Years Eve
Another couple calls needing a place to stay, husband said he would have to talk to me first. I said no again for many reasons. However my husband was upset about this one, he told me it felt like the right thing to do. The boyfried use to attend his mother's church and his mom had passed away around 3 years ago and he was crying. I told him that if he felt in his heart if was the right thing to do that he could do it but I was going to stay somewhere else for the night. He said that was my choice. I agreed. We exchanged many phone calls before the young couple arrived and I went back home.

It felt like to me my husband choose others over me and this is not the first time.

Reasons (I already have SIL living with us) - placing our recovery at risk, the reasons are endless.

He said he wanted to be of service, bottom line I was the one who did the service work - he sacrificed nothing, I washed some clothes, feed them, took them to a meeting and places in hopes to get them ready to get in to treatment. He went, she didn't.

I'm I looking at this wrong?

Sakti

January 2, 2008
1:43 pm
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Sakti
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The really screwed up thing is in his choosing he chose them other me and that hurt. 🙁

January 2, 2008
1:43 pm
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thewall
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No. Its called having appropriate boundaries. His are a bit weak. You and your household needs to stablize for quite awhile (1 yr minimum) before you bring anyone else into the picture.

January 2, 2008
2:27 pm
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Sakti
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What if to the best of his ability at being of service is keeping him clean, then I'm getting in the way.

January 2, 2008
3:36 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I agree with thewall. Is own reocevery needs to come first. there are many other ways he can help these poeple other than living with them.

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