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in need of advice please!!!
July 26, 2007
1:24 pm
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maripocita
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hi I'm in need of advice
I have about 2years with my boyfriend and he doest really ever show his feeling for me and that hurts so much and confuses me so much that know I'm looking for advice. he saids that I'm a very jealous and that I don't let him have freedom ever since we started living together his changed and know that we are together I have seen that he spends more time on the play station and sports and if is not that is the computer if not is the cell phone on the internet. and for me there's no time but hi doesn't want me to be jealous. we don't even have time for us and some times I want to go crazy because of the way hi is with me. I feel so ugly and I don't love myself I hate myself because seems like he could look at other ladys but me. he was so use to see porn that I think maybe I'm not good enough for him. and he gets so mad because I don't let him see that I had never like that and him all his live his seen it and that makes him mad with me. I have so much to say that I just don't know what to do anymore. please help me find my self.

July 26, 2007
1:30 pm
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CAMER
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Hi, have you tt your bf about how he doesn't show his feelings as you described?? And how mmuch time does he spend on the computer, playstation, phone, etc when you are around.

Its only fair to have some type of balance in the relationship, its ok that he has hobbies, but if he is not spending any time with you that is not fair.

And please don't say you are not good enough, cuz you are!!! and you are not ugly, you are just feeling a lil down and letting the negative emotions get the best of you.

Try to communciate with your bf and let him know how you feel.

July 26, 2007
1:34 pm
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nappy
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What do you have going on in your own life other then your boyfriend?
Because of what I am reading, you is to focus on this boyfriend of yours and not on you.

Being to focus on your boyfriend will make you lose yourself. You are not lost. You are not ugly and you do love yourself and the first thing that you need to do is to stop putting those negative thoughts in your head before you really start to believe them.

Please continue to write so that I can really get a good understand on your situation.

Nappy

July 26, 2007
3:07 pm
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fantas
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Maripocita,

Like the other posters said, it sounds like you are focused too much on your bf. and not on yourself. At the same time, I think that he is not as attentive and he could be and this is a problem.

My question is, why have you put up with him for this long? The truth is you cannot change anyone else other than yourself. If this situation is going to change you will have to set drfinite boundaries for what you will put and not put up with. It sounds like he does listen because he stopped watching porn when you asked him to, even though he complains about it.

Like Nappy & CAMER said, you are not ugly but allowing yourself to stay in that situation will cause you to judge yourself harshly. You can choose to look at yourself as beautiful and deserving better than you are getting.

Keep posting and I wish you all the best!

July 26, 2007
6:14 pm
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maripocita
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July 26, 2007
10:56 pm
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maripocita
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hi! camer & nappy & fantas I want to thank you for your responses I really never thought I would get response of anyone really I want to thank you for listing to me and having the time to do so. I always wanted to find someone to talk to and express my feelings and I think I'm in the right please to find what I'm looking for. know I know that my life might have a change thank you.....

July 26, 2007
11:39 pm
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_anonymous
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Please do not define yourself through your BF actions. It is a reflection of his poor character not yours.

I think that your BF has all the right in the world to spend 24/7 on the play station, sports, internet, cell phone, porn etc. as a single man living on his own.

He is not doing this because you are ugly he is doing it because he is inconsiderate.

Let you feet do the talking and leave.

July 27, 2007
12:25 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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as everyone already said - it's not cuz you are unworthy...it's cuz he's inconsiderate.

my guess is now that you live together, he is taking you for granted.

thinking "I'm home with you, what more do you want?".

and I understand you - you want some attention - which you deserve.

my guess is that when he was dating you - he had to work to see you - he had to make time for you. but now that you live together - it's too easy - he doesn't have to do that - you are always there - always present.

His game playing may have alot to do with his age and maturity level too....I wonder if somehow he sees you as a mother figure, and not his GF....as you mention in your post he's close to your son's age....not real close, but closer.

Anyway - if he won't give you the attention you seek - and has not responded to your attempts to communicate with him - you have two choices -

put up with it as it is

or

make him leave

In the meantime - you can also get out and get some own hobbies of your own - so that you aren't sitting around watching him play his games all the time - do something YOU enjoy. Get out of the house. Maybe if you aren't hanging around all the time, he won't take you for granted so much and try to spend more time with you.

Also - does he pull his own weight around the house? If he's playing games all day, does he do chores and household repairs and such? Does he work?

AT minimum he should be contributing something to the household - financially and physically.

If you are doing it all - paying for the home, cleaning, cooking and taking care of him - you may be in a situation where he sees you as a caretaker of him...maybe like a mother figure...and that's NOT good.

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