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In love with an addict who can't handle love
February 21, 2005
1:04 pm
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Pooderlil
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My boyfriend broke up with me and I'm heartbroken. He's in recovery from drug addiction and emotionally very raw. He says he can't handle his emotions (any, good or bad) and is feeling guilty about not spending much time with me because he attends so many NA meetings and meets with his NA supporters. His guilt is putting his mind in a bad place, so he says he has to go it alone, without a girlfriend. I'd love to hear back from anyone who has had a similar situation.

February 21, 2005
1:27 pm
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bonita1
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Hi Pooderil,

I'm so sorry that you are hurting. My estranged husband, also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, used the same MO with me; claiming he was busy with AA meetings and that he needed to be alone to figure himself out. He even told me that he was really gay and that's why he couldn't perform sexually with me. Well, that was all BS because I found out he had a girlfriend he was sleeping with. So much for not being able to perform!! I was devastated but Thank God I was able to cut off all ties, change my phone number, and talk to a lawyer.

Move on, girlfriend, before you get to the point of having to pay for a lawyer. ---Bonita

February 21, 2005
7:01 pm
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jastypes
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I've heard it said in AA meetings that sometimes it's better not to have a relationship until you've been sober/straight for a year. This is a trying time for the addict and he really does need to concentrate on his own issues. I'm sorry the timing sucks for you though.

jill

February 22, 2005
8:20 am
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hopeful for change
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I'm in love with one to. I feel your pain. It's very hard. I don't know the answer. Just trying to heal ourselves and fix ourselves.
My husband doesn't have sex with me, doesn't even touch me. Has no emotional feelings. So why am i so attatched, why do I care. Why do I beg, doesn't that show no self esteem.

I wish my husband would end our marriage, that would help me get through it. I beleive lies, tolerate abuse, lie to myself. I am so lonely, physically.

I don't think the alcoholic's have the ability to give, I mean aren't they drinking to forget feelings, to shove them away. Maybe I the codependent don't have any business being in a relationship either. Maybe it's not just the alcoholics that have a huge problem.

Codependency...

February 22, 2005
10:34 am
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CAMER
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i have also heard that in recovery,its best to have the 1st year of recovery and NOT being involved in relationships, that way his mind can focus on getting well.

February 23, 2005
3:05 am
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For Ben
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O.k So they go into a 3o program, only can call from a pay phone, only can see him on sundays, We have 2 sons and 1 daughter sons are 14 & 17, Our daughter is 19, she has Rett syndrome and she loves her dad and it's he's has never been anyway from her this long, He is a great dad his vacations are spent 42 days in icu next to her at times. So the mental part of being taken and have very little contact with family is tearing him up. He doesn't click with the consulor, He says their trying to did for something, He was not always using. He is very strong he will not touch it again. He ws at his job 27 years. so this is how he will get it back, I just hope it does distance him from our family,
just had our 20 year annivsary.
I guess the outcome will be for the better, We live and learn. Sorry for carring on.
Take care..

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