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In love with a former drug and alcohol addict
March 5, 2007
5:22 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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I just broke it off with him. I still love him deeply, but I feel I must put space between us or I will lose myself. Why he lies, I don't know. I think he is too proud to admit he has weaknesses like everyone else. He is not weak anymore about alcohol or drugs ... he kicked it over 20 years ago.

Months after we started dating and were intimate and in love, he broke the news, when we were in my bed, that he is living with a woman and has for 5 years. He was very tearful, and left my bed to go tell his live-in about me. I know he did it because his whole life turned upside down emotionally. I asked him WHY his is in a loveless relationship. He said she is a very nice lady, a little older, and he shacked up with her to help her out. She had just got out of an abusive marriage. His sister said the live-in lady was very maternal to him, not sexual. His mother, apparently a tyrant, found out about me and told him to stay with the live-in, and not to contact me ever again, or face the wrath.

He wasn't having sex with his live-in or even sleeping in the same room for years, he said. I can attest he couldn't even get it up. (But that did not affect his performance --- wo!) He was on steriods for his body building ... I can verify he couldn't get it up for the first 2 months of our relationship -- a side-effect of steriods -- it took that long for the effects to leave his system.

One year later, he has spent most of that year away from home, working in another province. He still has the house with her. I have given him plenty of love and support, and his love for me is written all over his face, it's in his hands, his compliments. But his fear of his mother is stronger than his love for me ... that's all I can make of it.

March 5, 2007
9:53 pm
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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Your first sentence: "I just broke it off with him."

Good for you.

I think that you are starting to see the numerous red flags which are ridden all over this relationship.

"you love him deeply but feel that you must put space betwwen us or else I will lose myself."

(You know what time it is - doncha ya?)

If you are looking for support and validation about your decision....you got it babe!!!!!

You did the RIGHT THING.

Though it hurts - you are doing what is best for you in this whole scene.

Trust your gut - which is something that you are obviously already doing.....chunk the guilt. He's a big boy and a grown-up.

Grieve the loss, learn from it and move on - first and formeost by attending to your needs - for once.

Ain't nothing wrong in getting rid of something or someone in your life that is dragging you down and to which no real good can come of it..........

He just sounds like "bad news" to me - all the way around velcrogirl.

You know what you have to do already - deep in your heart of hearts........and you're not a bitch for doing it either - to just stand up for something that is not acceptable to you does NOT make you a "bad" person.....just a "truthful" one.

Just chuck this one up to experience and move on - knowing that you will be now better equipped to make better decisions in the future.....no biggie - nothing to beat yourself up about in the least - - - - just a broken heart education about the lessons of life and now - you know what you DON'T want......right??????? and that's good!!!!!!

We live. We learn. We move on.

March 6, 2007
12:01 am
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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I thought I was asking the world for an explanation for why he allows his mother to dictate his love life -- well I know why his mother wants him to stay with his live-in, that lady is her caregiver when the mother rolls into town for weeks at a time. She knows I wouldn't do that ... I don't even know her.
I wanted to know why he obeys his mother so.

But, thanks for the validation. It's just what I needed at a time when I feel so low. What keeps me grounded are my kids. They know they come first with me. They know I would never leave them. I base decisions I make on their best interest.

March 11, 2007
5:19 pm
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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You may never get that answer as to why he is so controlled by his mother. Quilt, obligation who knows, the whys can drive you insane. And even if you knew the why, would it really change anything? The why isn't going to change him or his behavior. Is the why going to change you or your thoughts about ending this relationship?

But the fact remains, he is controlled by his mother and that's not good at all for a grown man or any woman in his life.

I think your decision was the best for you. I'd use caution if he comes around again wanting to make ammends to you!


~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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