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In Love, Outta Love - help! please!
August 29, 2005
10:52 am
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kristin
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I feel so lost and confused. Well, what I mean is.... My bf of 3 years dumped me about 2 months ago. It wasn't without warning. The red flags were there. I felt bad at first, but then I met this new guy that just swept me off my feet. I thought wow this is all of a sudden. I just break up with one and then all of a sudden this other guy comes along. I prayed on it and it was ok. The new guy and I were getting along great and I was even getting along just fine with the Ex. Now I feel so alone. I don't want the Ex to leave for good because then I know I will really be alone. I do have this other guy, but we just met and it's a long distance thing. I keep trying to stay positive about the new relationship but it's like everytime my heart allows me to feel happiness, it's short-lived because then my head kicks into gear and tells me that it will never work out. I feel like I just wanna go somewhere and not talk to anyone for a long while. Can someone please help ASAP?????? Why can't I just quit spazzing out and relax? Why can't I just let this new relationship grow naturally and accept that it might not work out?

August 29, 2005
11:46 am
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CAMER
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((welcome)) and i think you first have to heal from your first relationship with the ex b4 moving on with this new guy. Your heart is probably not completely into the new guy and you can be bringing in unfinished buisness from your last relationship.......now do you want to repair things with the ex??? and what was the reason that he ended the relationship??? keep coming back and posting, ok!!

August 29, 2005
12:01 pm
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kristin
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hi camer

I do not want to repair things with the Ex. I am satisfied with us just remaining friends. I wanted to get married and he didn't. I felt that he led me on a bit to long about that subject. I never pressured him into it or anything. However, I did drop subtle hints. So, he waited a year and then finally came and laid all his cards on the table. So, I accept that now and I know he is not the one for me. It does make it hard sometimes because the Ex is so accessible while the new guy is so far away.

August 29, 2005
12:08 pm
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gingerleigh
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Perhaps a break from dating is in order. (I hate it when people suggest that to me.) But until you're really able to let go (and really 2 months is a very short time to just suddenly "get over" 3 years of a life you shared with someone) you're still not there for anyone else. That's normal.

But for now, I'd say to enjoy the long distance friendship with the new man, especially if you feel good and refreshed while engaging in it.

By the way... being alone isn't all that bad. I was alone for 18 months while my husband was overseas. In fact I was actually alone while he and I were dating, because he never seemed to be around when I needed him. And when he got back we decied to split up almost immediately and I'm still alone. But it beats the hell out of not being alone and being with the wrong person.

August 29, 2005
4:18 pm
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taj64
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Hi Kristin, I just responded to your thread on depressed. If you want an honest opinion, I would say that though you say you are over x bf, you have not completely healed and are jumping from one relationship to another. You are dependent on both of these men, neither of which are available to you. Keeping the X around, just to have a man around is wrong reason. If you are happy with yourself, and you have a child you are really not alone. You appear to be needy. Read the books on codependency. I think they are very helpful.

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