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In a daze
April 5, 2007
8:43 am
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cammie
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I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. He is younger than me and so even with that it has been a lot to overcome because of the lack of maturity. He loves women - not a great relationship with him mom and so he uses women to feel good about himself. Lately he said that he was tired of me asking questions - so don't get me wrong but if you are in a relationship, shouldn't you be able to ask anything freely? He told me I needed to change because I was the first one that ever asked him all these questions. I am really confused as to what a conversation is - could somebody shed some light on this please.

April 5, 2007
11:41 am
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lettingo
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Why do you stay with him? Just curious because he obviously has womanizing problems. And teh excuse that he uses them to feel good about himself is bull!! You deserve better. From what you wrote, he is immature, a womanizer, and there is no communicating with him. Maybe you should really be asking yourself, why do you stay? Maybe he is used to walking all over women and you are just taking care of yourself.

April 5, 2007
1:49 pm
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nappy
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Um.... Cammie

I don't understand what you are asking but if you are asking why your boyfriend can't hold a conversation, then the only one can answer that question is him.

You say he love womens, but you don't say that he loves you. So with you being with him for 8 years, that means that YOU put up with a lot of stuff that maybe you are questioning yourself.

He say that he is tired of you asking him questions. Does the guestion have to do with him and what he is doing that you think and feel is wrong?

OR

Have you been asking him questions and questions since you two have been together because of the age difference, because you don't trust him?

Nappy!

April 5, 2007
7:01 pm
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cammie
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I stay with him because I really do love him. He is a great guy but he comes from a family of womanizers; his grandmother (who raised him bythe way) was an alcoholic.

He tells me today that because he is trying to discover himself since he has been with me for 8 years and that's all he knows. I guess he is trying to declare his independence. Don't know. Have you ever heard the saying, "when he is good he is good and when he is bad, he is BAD!

April 5, 2007
7:06 pm
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cammie
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Nappy,

I am a very inquisitive person and he isn't into people knowing what is going on in his life unless he is volunteering the information.

I don't trust him because of the secrets. It is easier to know what is going to hit you than be surprised, right?

I guess we can't have it all.

I would like to think I am an honest person. I have no secrets - my life is an open book and I would really like my partner to be the same way. because no matter what you can deal with it, right.

I am questioning quite a lot - like why am I still here! One minute he makes you feel as though you are the world and the next he makes you feel lower than the lowest. Like Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

April 5, 2007
7:54 pm
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taj64
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Gut instints are your best weapon. You cannot trust this man. Your life might be an open book but I think he is not reading your book. He has a library, why stick with one book? If you want an open guy, fall in love with one. But you cannot fall for one until you let go of the one who will never be what you wish he could be. You said, he loves women. This is hard for a man to love one. I'd give this up before you hurt anymore. Eight years is a mighty long time to figure out that this won't change. You are honest but he is not. Until you get even more honest with yourself, you will have to put up with less than what you deserve.

April 6, 2007
10:09 am
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lettingo
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I'm sorry but it sound like you are making excuses up for his behavior "He is a great guy but he comes from a family of womanizers; his grandmother (who raised him bythe way) was an alcoholiche makes you feel lower than the lowest". If he has a problem being faithdful then he should get help. He is not some innocent bystander in all this who can't make the right and worthly decision because of his family history. And if someone makes you feel "you feel lower than the lowest. Like Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" why put up with it? I know you say you love him but is it really worth it? Have "you" got counseling on why you would continue to put up with someone who is not committed to you and in your own words this person had made that very clear in is words and his actions. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and love and doesn't make you feel badly about yourself. I stayed married to an alcoholic addict because I loved him and I for some reason I just couldn't leave. Maybe I thought it would change. Maybe I thought he would see the light. Well, unfortunatley for me, that didn't happen and I finally divorced him. Not because I didn't love him but I got tired of being lied to and betrayed. We both deserve better.

April 10, 2007
2:17 pm
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taj64
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I agree I think there is a lot of excusing this man.

I disagree he is not a great guy. A great guy depends on what you mean, great at many thinks but failure at loving a woman.

You said you think of yourself as an honest person. You are honest to him but are you honest to yourself? Because if you were honest to yourself why would you stay with a man who disrespects you this way, continuously for 8 years. Why would an honest person like yourself who wants an honest open relationship settle for a womanizer who lies to your face?

You said I guess you can't have it all? that is cop out. You value trust, and you said he cannot be trusted. Without trust in a relationship, the relationship will be unsuccessful. Lack of trust tears at your soul little by little until there is not much left. Perhaps you are in denial of accepting the reality of this situation. That something is better than nothing.

He is what you call a charmer but he is not going to ever be the man you want him to be. He says just enough for you to stay, little scraps to keep you but also giving you several warnings that he is not in this for the long haul as you can call it "seeking independence" and testing waters when in reality he is playing around.

Why don't you do the same, and do some of your own comparing? Maybe you will meet someone who meets your needs because your guy is getting his needs met and then some.

Yes you can have it all, not from a womanizer. They rarely change. They just become more secretive about it.

April 10, 2007
3:19 pm
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atalose
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Trust your gut instincts. If you are asking him allot of questions and he's getting defensive, he has something to hide. And if you are asking questions then you are un-sure of his loyalty. He is keeping secrets from you and you don't trust him, why are you still with him?
Love does not conquer all. If you remain you’ll only find your pain growing because it sounds like he is discovering himself and that is including secrets and no trust and defensiveness.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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