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I'm usually okay, but today I'm confused
February 28, 2005
1:30 pm
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jastypes
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Trust -- Value -- Love -- Serve

I think it is so interesting that trust comes first. I know my pastor was talking about money, but it seems quite true in relationship also. I don't trust Mark. But why would I? He's been caught in a lot of lies, the most recent at the time of his accident. Maybe God will turn him into a trustworthy person. It's not just lies, it's drugs. I do not trust that he won't use drugs anymore. I don't trust his -- not his salvation, because that doesn't depend on him -- I don't trust that he earnestly desires to walk with God, or that he will grow in the knowledge of God, or that he will develo his relationship with God. He doesn't seem hungry for God when he says things like, "AFTER I get off the pain medication, I'll study the Bible." I know he's recovering from the accident still and can't get around really good, but in a short period of time, he'll be back to work, back to his apartment, away from Christians, back in the midst of temptation. His attitude toward drugs hasn't chaanged if he can still say, "I'll only do it at parties or on special occasions." I'm not going to really love him until I can trust him 1) to tell the truth; and 2) to not use drugs. Will I continue to live with someone I can't trust -- even just on weekends? Will I live with someone who uses illegal drugs? We all sin. I sin. Do I have a right to tell him what he can and cannot do? Do I have to stay in a marriage where my needs are not met? I've been faithful now for 10 years after a 4-month infidelity. He's been clean for 10 days after 8 years of constant drug abuse. What am I supposed to do?

February 28, 2005
1:45 pm
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CAMER
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what does your instincts tell you to do??? I guess you don't have a right to tell him what to do and not to do...but you do have a right to choose if you want this type of behavior, you have a choice to walk away if what he does bothers you, we all have choices. And if he chooses to keep drugs in his life, and not have God in his life...that is his choices.....its what we do with the choices they make will depend on how your life will go.

February 28, 2005
1:54 pm
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CODA_Mom
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jastypes,

Which of you was unfaithful for 4 months, yourself or your husband?

Have you talked with your pastor about all of the things that you've shared with us? In approaching this situation from a Christian perspective (because you asked specifically), these are all matters for church discipline (Matthew 18).

If you have talked with your pastor and he is telling you to submit to this stuff, then that is another matter.

Things have to change, you and your kids do NOT have to put up with this.

CM

February 28, 2005
2:07 pm
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kathygy
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You can't have a relationship with an addict. A relationship requires trust. You don't have that. You have the right to ask for what you want but you don't have the right to impose your beliefs on someone else. If he doesn't want God in his life he has the right to choose that. You have a right to set boundaries and leave a relationship where your needs are not being met. I would leave this man and tell him to get help for his drug use and not take him back until he's clean for a year. Even so he could slip back into drug use. That's always a risk.

February 28, 2005
2:14 pm
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jastypes
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My husband and I were married for 10 years. Then I was unfaithful over a period of 4 months. It was a truly bizarre occurrence, and it happened after I became a Christian, and after my husband stopped using drugs. He was clean for 3 years, but picked up again. That was 10 years ago, so now we've been married for 20 years.

Our pastor is aware of Mark's past drug abuse history, and his recent conversion after a near-fatal accident. He is NOT aware of the fact that Mark got high last Saturday night. And he is not aware of my feeling panicked about our future.

In all fairness, I've "forgotten" to take my anti-depressants for about 5 days now, and that is probably contributing to my state of mind. It helped to write all this stuff down. When I did, what I heard from God was that his relationship with Mark is between them, and my relationship with God is what I should be concerned about and continue working on. So I continued my fast/prayer/study program through my lunch hour today, and feel more at peace.

jill

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