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I'm trapped in my own life
October 26, 2007
7:36 pm
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thenerdyurbanite
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As many of you know my constant struggle to forget my ex has been quite an uphill battle. I fight daily to not contact and to not check her myspace or mutual friends pages etc but sometime i feel like some cosmic force is just flaunting it in my face and I dont know if im supposed to take it as a sign or just chalk it up to god having a wicked sense of humor. For example, my mom and i finally found time last night to catch up and talk and she had made me feel immensely better about the whole situation and i realized that there is no need for me to contact my ex for closure. so i go home, feeling good, and i sign onto aim and am sitting there aimlessly checking away messages out of habit while i wait for my email to load--and there it is--the guy who introduced me to my ex had an away message up that liz was coming to the city (where i live) and they were gonna have so much fun blah blah blah....now ordinarily i might be a little sour but be like whatever nothing really has changed except things keep seeming to be very reminiscent of our first unofficial date. i had just gotten new glass...and today i picked up some new glasses. it was two months since her last breakup...today is exactly 2 months since we split. she was out with greg....shes out with him tonight....and going to the city and everything just seems so familiar and i must sound insane right now and i probably am crazy, but all i know is ive had a pit in my stomach every since i saw it last night. so im supposed to go to a club tonight with a few of my friends, a club liz has come to once or twice, but its mainly my club and all of a sudden im actually scared to run into her tonight. i mean the odds of her coming to this club are slim but not impossible. and the last time liz and greg went to a club...was when they took me...and liz and i had just started dating. does this make any sense? i feel ridiculous even typing this but i had to get it out of my system. should i go to the club tonight and risk seeing her, or do i stay home tonight miserable? HELP

October 26, 2007
8:09 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Well you'r damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you stay home you will be miserable and wonder. If you go you will be iwth people and MIGHT have some fun. I am home crying right now and anything has to be better than that.

Bitsy

October 26, 2007
8:17 pm
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Antagonist
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Stop going on MySpace. Even delete your account if you have to. Would you rather have your mind at rest or have MySpace?

Log off AIM or your instant msg program. Remove people who are not your friends. If they are going to be with your ex instead of supporting you, then they are not friends and you don't need them to be on your buddy list.

Don't communicate to people who know are friends with your ex and know her what is going on with her.

You have got to stand your ground. Accept the fact that just digging information about her is going to hurt you. You cannot erase your emotions, but you can help yourself by not letting your emotions be tampered with. Looking up her MySpace only sets you up for hurting.

Ya she might be acting like she is going to have fun, but I am betting that is not the case.

If you decide to go, accept the fact you might run into her, trust me I have ran into my ex many times, so be ready for it. If you decide to stay home, get yourself busy. Move, books, cleaning, whatever you can.

Good luck.

October 26, 2007
8:42 pm
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Anonymous
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((( safe hugs to everyone here)))

October 26, 2007
8:59 pm
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lissy1208
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Antagolist your right I had to delete myspace account because I would check his account and take every person on his comments and friends and try to see what was going on with his life it was very much unhealthy. It's hard because you want to be with this person, but I realized that I need to start loving myself.

October 26, 2007
9:03 pm
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Antagonist
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Yes lissy it's very hard but sometimes you have to go to extremes to be able to focus on yourself.

I speak from personal experience. In my case, I changed my phone number, deleted AIM from my computer (she would put up away messages such as "officially single and ready to mingle" knowing that I would look) and other things to keep my head in my own business.

It's not our business what our ex does. Trying to figure out what they are doing will cause no good.

October 27, 2007
8:35 am
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risingfromtheashes
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nerdy -

you need to stay AWAY from these "mutual" friends who mean well but don't realize how their stupid stuff HURTS you.

so, remove them for now...avoid them for now.

you need to close all doors as much as possible - the signs will be there - if you are open to them...that's the problem.

Yes, myspace is LETHAL and it's easy to be obsessive over what they are doing and seeing and thinking.

STAY AWAY.

I found a tshirt that says "myspace ruined my life".

and it did in alot of ways...sure it helped me catch my cheater in action - but it also ruined things.

October 27, 2007
1:53 pm
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HumblyJoyful
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((TheNerdyUrbanite)) I have walked in your shoes through many failed relationships over many years. Give yourself credit for having a tremendous capacity to care, and a heart that's willing to love abundantly -- I sense that about you. I've spent many a night, week, month, and yes, even years wondering and imagining what my EX's were doing without me (a lot of time invested with no gain or growth to show for it). Read that -- WASTED TIME!!! I often used all (every bit) of my energy feeling hurt and betrayed that they were happy and enjoying life without me -- I constantly assumed they were living happy and wonderful lives, and it hurt because those imagined lives did not include me. How could they leave a relationship that offered so much attention, care and love? How could they not want a guarenteed life of unconditional "everything" that I was willing to offer. Then I'd brutally question and blame myself --maybe I wasn't funny enough, spontaneous enough, mysterious enough, good looking enough, confident enough. Maybe if I just gave a little more of myself they would have finally seen the light -- and then I could finally get back to the normal life I really wanted to have with them. It was all negative self-talk about myself, while maintaining (in my mind) that my EX's were perfect, always happy, never needy, beautiful, enormously popular, and totally unconcerned with what had become of me. They had obviously moved on healthy and joyously happy with their lives and releived to be done with me (my imagination), while I stayed in a perpetual funk and pity pit -- so dissappointed and heart broken in my loss -- unable to move-on with hope and confidence (my reality). Let's shift gears for a second. Imagine a scenario where your EX contacts you and reveals that she has made a terrible mistake and realizes that you are what she needs in her life. That'd be great, huh? But how would you handle that? Would that trigger and produce the "happy life ever after" scenario of your dreams. Or is it possibly that you'd maintain some uncomfortable fears and worries about how to maintain, control and protect this unbelievable second chance love -- consider giving more more more to keep this good thing going? I realized that the more more more I needed to give was to myself. I had to acknowledge and embrace that I was good enough. That some people will love me for who I am, and some will not. But it isn't necessary for me to live in constant fear about whether I am sufficient to others. This is not an easy shift, it takes dedication to self. You have to cut yourself some slack and take time to heal and grow strong in a very new (unfamiliar) direction. I have to get real honest with myself everyday about my beliefs about myself and my behaviors. I had to "detach" myself from how others felt and the circumstances of life that I have no capacity to control, change, or fix. This seemed selfish to me at first, but it was a big missing piece of my emotional well being. Its not that I am not concerned, considerate, supportive and helpful to people in my life. Its realizing that I am not responsible for the feelings and emotions of others -- I can only be responsible for my own. I can not control or make someone love me. However, I can be honest, compationate, sensitive, and genuine in every thing I do in life. And believe it or not this way of being becomes attractive to others -- they'll want what you have -- they'll want to walk through life with a person who has inner joy and peace.

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