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I'm the daughter of chaos... Isis
March 18, 2007
9:39 pm
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Isis
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Not sure what you mean- and either way, I'd most definitely love to talk about it.

Throw me a bone, will ya?

March 19, 2007
5:14 pm
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bevdee
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Isis

When the bone formulates into words, I will. I'm ponderin.

Hey. I want you to know that I really appreciate you. You have a knack for showing up at the right time for me, and your feedback is valuable to me.

(((Isis)))

Bevdee

March 20, 2007
12:25 pm
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Isis
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Hiya busy bev,

"If I am right in what I think I might know about your post, then I want to thank you."

Methinks I've had one of those "AHA!" moments. You're most welcome.

I would still like to go over some stuff though. My immediate distress was regarding another situation.

Again, I just don't get it. Being invisible makes me feel sad/bad/angry. Why is my situation not worthy of acknowledgement? Because it goes against someone else's "opinion"? I don't need to prove my point, I've lived through it. But how dare someone else discount what I have gone/lived through?

Better question- why do I even care?

My thoughts are deep. I hate double entendre. I fear the same backlash; and I am not up to it. I wish the sophomoric bullshit could be left at the door. I'm here to learn, and recover- to move forward- and right now I'm stuck. This walking on eggshells is very counter-productive. However, assertiveness seems to get you nowhere.

I'm not the type that screams things from the rooftop- for fear of disturbing the peace.

Still stewing,

Isis

March 20, 2007
1:20 pm
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bevdee
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Isis-

Still busy and on the fly, this time on my way to my first appt wtih the therapist.

"This walking on eggshells is very counter-productive. However, assertiveness seems to get you nowhere."

I am going to think about this on the drive. Because I feel the same way, and believe it is walking a fine line, between assertiveness and amateur diagnosing and name calling. I see it here, I sit in this chair and think I see things, and I'm hesitant to post, and that realisation makes me feel paralysed.

You are not invisible. Someone's defensiveness is no reflection on you. It ain't on me. It's fear and projection. I am not going to retreat because something I said triggered someone else. Hell, I don't get that consideration.

(((Sassy Isis)))

March 20, 2007
1:37 pm
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Isis
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Fear and projection- something to think about.

I'll look for you later- or, you find me when you're ready.

Good Luck today,

(((bev)))

March 20, 2007
1:50 pm
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Shaney
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Hi there Isis :o)

I was reading your post from the beginning, and even *I* was having an anxiety attack... I can only imagine how you must feel, actually living it. My heart goes out to you. You carry a very very heavy load.

I don't have children, but I have adults in my life that act like children. Too many of them actually, and they all seem to look to me for support or answers. My mom is the biggest child of them all, and I've been mothering her since I was in 8th grade... I'm 41 now.

I know what it feels like to have just way too many things going on. I usually do pretty well, then all of the sudden I crack, and everyone scatters. I cracked a couple of days ago (the first time in a LONG time), and everyone seems to be leaving me alone right now, which is good for me. I need to gather my wits about me again, because I've been on the verge of tears, and that's not like me. I'm tired and burnt out, and just want people to take care of themselves, WITHOUT me directing them. I'm sick of leading all of these horses to water... and then they just stand there... they don't DRINK!

Anyway, I feel your frustration, and your fatigue.

Do you ever just get to get away? I'm leaving this weekend to go and stay at the beach with some girlfriends for the first time in a long time. I need a break, but I have a feeling that I may end up babysitting a bunch of intoxicated middle-aged women. Hope not :o).

hugs to you, Isis

March 20, 2007
9:39 pm
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Isis
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Hey Shaney...

Thanks for popping in. I so know where you're coming from with your mom. Mine needed taking care of from the time I was in fourth grade- not an easy thing for any kid. She required more maintenance than all four of my kids put together.

There are many days that I feel so overwhelmed with life, and I suffer from anxiety as well. When I'm anxious, my body reacts with pain flare-ups. It's a vicious cycle that I need to break. It's not easy to break away from the family as my kids are so busy with their schedules, and my husband is a doctor and his schedule is pretty tight during the week. (Although that is not always a bad thing!) READ ABOVE (smile)

"I need a break, but I have a feeling that I may end up babysitting a bunch of intoxicated middle-aged women. Hope not :o)."

You crack me up!

Hugs back at you- and have a great time!

Love,

Isis

March 20, 2007
9:54 pm
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_anonymous
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There doesnt seem to be a beginning or end when it comes to your blood relations. The most wonderful thing about it is that there are never ending possibilities and new beginnings. A babies birth is a perfect way to start a new chapter in your sisters life. Yes, I know you have been through a lot but this sounds good to me. Just start replacing the good and the new with the old and the bad.

March 20, 2007
9:57 pm
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Shaney
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Hey there Isis... hope your evening is going well.

My husband is a fire captain, and also has a busy schedule... although he can be off for long periods of time too... (sigh). BUT hey... I do love my time alone. More time for me to take on everyone else's responsibilities and drive myself to the edge of insanity, right?

Anyway... for what it's worth... I prefer a direct, assertive approach - but that's just me ;o).

love - shaney

March 21, 2007
11:15 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((Isis))) Thinking of you. Hope you are doing ok today....

Just wanted to let you know that.

Mich

March 21, 2007
12:03 pm
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Isis
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(((Mich))) Today is a GOOD DAY! Even though it's freaking freezing again. They say we're in for a warm-up tomorrow through the weekend. Oh happy day, I can't wait for the snow to melt. How you doing? I'm thinking of you as well. You simply amaze me gf, you're so awesome.

Shaney... A fire Capt.- that would make me sick to death with worry. It's such a dangerous profession- and you live in California... with all of those fires! Is that part of what he does when they get going?

I think it's a good thing to have your own down time- I just wish I could manage it more often. Four kids, three dogs, two horses and all that goes along with it. Some days are crazier than others- today is a good day and I'm trying to make the most of it.

Speaking of which- I should get going or before I know it the day will be gone.

Stay sane,

Isis

March 21, 2007
12:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Isis, can I ask you a question...??

Why do you say this? " You simply amaze me gf, you're so awesome."

I am just trying to see what other people see....I think it helps me sometimes....

You don't have to respond...just asking.

Mich

I think the world of you too

March 22, 2007
2:34 pm
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bevdee
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Isis

I just wanted to tell you hi. Remind you how awesome you are.

(((Isis)))

March 22, 2007
3:02 pm
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Isis
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Of course, Mich, you can always ask me a question.

Why do you say this? " You simply amaze me gf, you're so awesome"

Because you are just that- amazingly awesome!

Why do I say that? One word honey...

GROWTH- and lots of it.

You've come a looonnnngggg way baby!

(((Mich)))

March 22, 2007
3:03 pm
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Isis
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Thanks Bev... but I think you're even more awesome!

Love you,

(((Bev)))

April 1, 2007
12:57 am
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bevdee
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Isis,

I looked and looked today, but I can't find my crystals from years ago!! Hmmm...so I ordered some new ones online, since I don't know where the shops are in my town(s).

I ordered Lapis Lazuli for positive calming properties. Amber for grounding and physical emotional and spiritual well-being. A third eye chakra assortment, amethyst which is grounding and soothing, but mostly because it's purple and that's my favorite color. 🙂 And a neck pouch. I've never done a chakra layout.

I found an old necklace today in my old jewelry box. I got this necklace at a garage sale years ago, and the stones all look like polished brown and orange jasper. I hung that from my headboard. I want to see what happens with the stones near me when I sleep.

April 1, 2007
11:51 pm
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bevdee
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Miss Isis

I hope you have had a good weekend. Just an update- I found my old crystals, and I can't believe where they were!! In a tiny bowl shoved behind my CDs on the computer desk. I have been near them all this time. Spooooky?

Talk to you later.

April 3, 2007
7:06 pm
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Isis
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I'm baaaack!

Phew- have I been busy. I'm sorry that I'm three days late getting back to you bev. When I came in on Saturday night my daughter was working on a school project and I couldn't get near my computer. Then on Sunday it was my middle boy, and yesterday I started teaching a course at the Red Cross. I am going to be busy until the end April!

Anyway, back to the crystals. I'm happy that they're working for you.
I swear by them- here's what I have found to be helpful in my Spiritual healing journey...

Lately I've been wearing an Apache Tear around my neck. It helps with grief, acceptance, forgiveness, and stimulates spontaneity and insight.

Another tried and true of mine is Amethyst. It helps balance intellectual, emotional and physical bodies. It also facilitates transmutation of lower energies into higher frequencies and is very healing and trans-formative. It promotes strength and peace.

Agate-Blue Lace

Helps to reach extremely high Spiritual spaces. It's said to be used in the breastplates of the high priest(ess) (smile) in ancient times. It is very inspirational for inner attunement and meditation. It also enhances skeletal structure, encourages healing of fractures and bone issues (RA & OA). Also helpful for digestion and the pancreas as well as the fluid balances around the brain.

Angelite Stone

Aligns the physical with the etheric. Both a sender and receiver it increases telepathic communication. What I love most is that it creates a protective field around those that wear it. I feel very safe- physically as well as emotionally.

Golden Calcite

An energy amplifier which encourages remembrance of state of perfection during disease to help return to perfection and wellness, and encourages remembrance of Spiritual experiences. It's a teacher for all to help recognize the oneness and appreciation for the creative forces of nature. Great chakra clearing when targeted- golden yellow calcite is especially helpful for the crown chakra.

Citrine is another one I wear around my neck resting on my breast bone. It doesn't hold and accumulate negative energy- it dissipates and transmutes it. It never needs cleansing or clearing and is chakra aligning and yin-yang balancing. It stimulates mental focus (great help with ADD) personal power, endurance, and helps promote optimism and dispel fear and anger. It's excellent for clearing the aura and aligning the aura with the physical body. It really is one of my favorites.

Garnet (my birthstone) It is sacred to the Native Americans and is said to contain a bolt of lightening to manifest change rapidly. It enhances the eternal fire to encourage creative ideas to be implemented into the physical. It also opens the sexual energies, while encouraging balance of sexual with the crown chakra energies. Also reflects commitment and devotion.

I also keep these around our home- in places that my family congregate frequently:

Malachite- brings balance and depth to experience, facilitates insights and encourages sacred information inflow. I keep the Malachite on a lighted pedestal- and most often burn patchouli incense or a patchouli candle on top.

Petrified wood- It helps to eliminate trivial worries, access past life information, and promotes recovery from disease.

A Selenite wand- it cleanses all of our gemstones and restores them back to their original freshness. I also keep chunks of Selenite in doorways and foyers around our home to clear negativity.

Tiger Eye- This is my third eye attunement. It brings light to practical situations and increases optimism and oneness.

Moon Stone- I carry this in my pocket-
any pocket will do. It is symbolic of endings and new beginnings. It is introspective- helps with balancing, feelings and intuition and helps make change easier.

Mookaite- I gave each one of my children a Mookaite stone to carry with them in their pocket ( I carry one as well with my Moon Stone) It assists the user to await "the highest good" in all situations and embrace and celebrate new circumstances with bravery and strength. It encourages flexibility and discernment and is beneficial behavior modification for kids.

I hope all of this doesn't sound hokey. Healing stones really have made a difference in my life; I first learned about them at the holistic practice that I go to. They sure do beat the heck out of Prednisone and anti-inflammatories, and they have no side effects.

I could go on and on....

Anywho, I miss you bev and hope things are OK with you.

Love,

Isis

April 3, 2007
7:55 pm
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bevdee
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Isis

It's good to hear from you!! You have been busy!!

Thank you for the info. I have a Citrine, but that is the only yellow stone I have. Today, I went to the just a dollar store and got glass votives to fill with the stones and place around the house. Hanging the Jasper and quartz at my head is amazing!! I have been sleeping so well- less tension and I have been sleeping through the entire night.

My birthstone is ? Open I guess. I'm a Gemini, born in June, so some sources say alexandrite, and some say pearl. I have also read that mother of pearl is considered birthstone, too. My Zodiac stone is agate. There are all kinds of agate, so I decided that blue lace agate is mine. (I can do that- decide, and I can change my mind. Nothing is constant!!) So you see I have lots of choices.

I chose Blue Lace Agate as my birthstone. Blue is my second favorite color.

I was googling these gem websites and read about grinding the stones to dust and ingesting the dust. That must be a really old custom!?!?

Here is something else I found interesting- back in the days before I forgot to do this stuff!- anagrams. I used to anagram names and it was fascinating to me the words that came out of the name. I can't give any more info of course, but pearl is in my full birth name. That's a fun thing to do when you are a passenger on a long car trip.

Good to hear from you.

April 13, 2007
8:26 pm
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bevdee
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Isis? How you doing?

April 24, 2007
5:04 pm
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bevdee
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(((Isis)))

I miss seeing you, and hope everything is going ok with you. I think I have observed that sometimes when things aren't great with you, you kinda... stay away.

Anyway- here's a hug and a post to let you know you have been in my thoughts this month. Every morning when I put my little bag of crystals in my pocket, and every night when I place them on my nightstand. Thank you for the info.

April 24, 2007
7:48 pm
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Isis
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(((Bev)))

I'm here girlfriend- just real busy. Remember I posted at the begining of the month that I was teaching a course? Well it ends on Friday... thank you Mother Earth! It's been a tough class to teach as there are three, (make that two now, one didn't make it) deaf students in the class. It has been very slow going with the sign language gals interpreting.

I've been trying to check in- if only to read... especially for you, Mich and Shaney and the mamadrama. I miss you all and can't wait for Friday to come. Also, I lost my power during the big nor'easter- it was gone for 48 hours-UGH! And then... my laptop had a crisis and had to be sent out to the GEEKS to be repaired. I'm back on track now and looking forward to joining you all over in Libs real soon.

I'm happy the crystals are making a difference... I feel like I have a cosmic soul sister somewhere in north Texas. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts Bev, you have no idea how much it means to me.

Things have been going well. We had the baby's "christening" on Sunday...
had an very interesting conversation with my brother-in-law... can't wait to share it with you. It's time to revisit the Mama Box again.

I've been trying to catch up on my reading here... stay strong Bev... you too Mich and Shaney... gg and Lollie and rest of you oh so mighty survivors.

Love and hugs to you all, and be back real soon,

Isis

April 24, 2007
10:17 pm
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bevdee
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Isis

Glad to hear you are ok. I forgot about the course you are teaching.

And for the crystals? I have experimented with what I carry. For right now- I do best with the blue lace agate. Also, it seems I have a better day when I am carrying my carnelian.

Talk to you later.

May 17, 2007
8:46 am
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Isis
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Breast cancer?

I'm paralyzed with fear

Every moment, I shed a tear

My breasts, to me, are very dear

Without them, I will feel so very queer.

Before it falls out, perhaps my hair I will shear?

I go to the doc today. I have an MRI on the 29th. My surgery is on June 11th. My chest x-ray is weird too- a thickening in the right upper lobe. It was only a year ago that everything looked normal.

Damn those BAD genes- history is repeating itself.

My oldest son is in turmoil. He is in the midst of a neuropsych evaluation. His anxiety is awful. So bad, he had to bag taking his college entrance exams two weeks ago. We think we missed it with him- he has all of the signs of undiagnosed ADHD. He is not in a good way.

I remember feeling just like him when I was a kid. I also remember hating my parents when I found out why my anxiety was debilitating me. Why I couldn't focus long enough to get things done. Why I hyper-focused on my school work and had no social life. It was my only way of coping with doing well in school. Well enough to go to an ivy league college. Well enough to please my parents.

I HATE it when history fucking repeats itself, I just hate it.

May 17, 2007
10:01 am
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(((Isis))) I wish I could hug you now for real. I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time. Please keep us posted. Okay, definitely going to get that mammagram this summer. My maternal grandmother had breast cancer. I was diagnosed ADD last year and even went to a session at a conference on it. Your words were so familiar to me..." Why I couldn't focus long enough to get things done. Why I hyper-focused on my school work". One of my daughters is the same.

Please feel free to spill as I and many others here care and will listen. Please take care...

Love, gg

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