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i'm sorry to myself
May 17, 2006
9:35 am
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sixfootblonde
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September 29, 2010
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long ago i learned the importance of boundaries and teaching those around me to respect them.

then i made a friend who was just a little too possessive,a little too smothering. i felt uneasy about this more than once but i let it continue because after all i was like his only friend. i tried to include him in activities with my friends although he was not a really well liked person by a couple of them, for past reasons. i argued in his defense that people can change.

so sometimes i would stand up for my boundaries and be like, this is not ok, you cannot be so smotherin of me, asking me where i am going and who i am with and not liking other guy friends if i talk to them, demanding who i had more fun with him or other friends....and it would be better. for a little while. then it would get worse again and i would deal with it for a while and then have to stand up and say again, no, this is not ok.

over and over.

i know. why, you ask, did i let it go on for so long? i'm codependent and i like to help and i like to be needed and this person was so damn needy.

so now i've been trying to really really change this toxic friendship for real, and come to find out he's been telling my friends how mean and up and down of a friend i am to him... and a couple of them told him not to put up with me.

ouch.

double ouch.

how the hell did i get here? I'll tell you how. By letting my boundaries be compromised, by letting someone talk me into ignoring my inner voice.

i owe myself the first apology.

God how many times will i try to help someone only to be burned? Then the insecure part of me thinks, is this really who i am? this mean woman?

Thank God my hubby sees the same side of this that I do. But then, he has lived it, he hasn't been told selected things like these friends/coworkers of mine have been.

Yeah I said coworkers. How nice to bring this to the workplace. And that's only the half of it.

I want this person out of my life like far away. It's like a cancer....it keeps coming back and I'm scared of how much damage this toxic friendship could do to me.

So to anyone reading this, listen to your gut. Listen and remember this story. It's no fun, over here in my shoes.

May 17, 2006
9:54 am
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mamac
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September 24, 2010
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I completely understand the need to help people. I have been there many times. What I have come to learn is most times they have no need to change themselves or there situation. Somtimes they even take advantage of you because they know you feel sorry for them. My neice has done the same thing to me many times. Her and I were very close growing up, we are only five years apart in age. Unfortunatly i had to stop contact with her. This has seemed to help. Unfortunatly she turned to my sister after and my sister got burned really bad. There is really nothing to do but keep telling yourself you did nothing wrong and it is there problem not theres. It sounds harsh I know, but somtimes you can show somone you love them by letting them fall and hopefully they learn from there own mistakes.

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