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i'm so lonely i want to cry
May 23, 2006
9:52 pm
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chatty
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Hi- I work some place that I always feel lonely. The reason is because I'm not part of a big click. Also I have alot of fear of gossip there so I'm not too close to anyone. Sometimes I sit there doing my job and some of the cutting comments that come from the people around me is unbearable. I keep asking myself is this worth it. Then all the questions that go through my head like am I too sensitive? But I don't think so because I really think I am Ok to work with. I come home and try to get back to myself, if that makes sense. I went to a meeting and needed to talk about it, and the people said to get a new job. But that is hard to do when working all day with little vacation left, so I guess I just needed to say it. I keep thinking too that I'm learning something from it like trying not to pay attention to it and to let go and let god. So anyway it would be nice to be at your cafe for me too. One day on the elevator on my way home, a guy was on with me and he says, boy we must be crazy and we both didn't say another word. Sometimes it feels worse than being in grade school.

May 24, 2006
3:37 pm
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smarterone
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I know your pain. I live with my b/f and older son but i am so lonely. Crying is my middle name. Depression is the only thing I know. There are no neighbors and I dont work. I am on disability. I have moved away from the county I was in so no one calls, i do, but they are always busy. I am financially in trouble all the time, so can we go anywhere, no, I am just so fed up, its not worth talking about, even breathing is a waste to me. I have been seriously considering horrible thoughts. I dont think i have the nerve but I am so distraught. good luck

May 24, 2006
3:48 pm
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Soulsister
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Chatty...oh honey...I remember feeling like that in an office I used to work in..and in high school. You think you get older and womans would stop doing that to other woman. Everyone know how it feels. I work from my home now...glad to be free of all of that...but I do get lonely..one of the reasons I'm on here all day..no adults to talk here at home.
I used to excersize at lunch..just to get away from everyone. It made me feel better about myself..and I didn't have to feel left out when I wasn't invited to lunch. They always knew I had something else to do...and I didn't care if I was included or not. Or I would go to a self help bookstore...and look for books. I used to be in the middle of the office..with everyone.. I loved it when I got my own office..then I didn't care if I was included or not.

Although, I'm sure it makes you feel left out...just know they probably aren't worth the time anyway..keep yourself busy doing something for yourself during breaks and lunch.

Love....Soulsister

May 24, 2006
3:54 pm
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Soulsister
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(((Smarterone))),

Hey..that's my middle name, too!! Haa haa!! Sometimes I think my daycare kids must think I'm a crazy mess..I'm always have tears.

I know the loneliness...I am home all day too. It's really hard.. The highlight of my day is running to the bank with daycare kids..and maybe..if I can afford it..buying myself a mocha..and them some fruit snacks..

I'm hear almost everyday..all day..when and if you ever need to talk..and are feeling lonely.

Love...Soulsister

May 24, 2006
7:13 pm
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chatty
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Thank you for the advice, soul sister. Its something that you were in the same sort of office. Its good advice to stay busy, I agree. Something that sticks with me from one of the meditation books is that its not worth it to be right with someone over things because then you go backwards and it makes sense to me. So I am trying to just go on, there is so much that goes on for me to get involved with. But easier said than done- and so far I don't get into too much trouble. If someone was sitting where I work, a person might sit there and say WOW!!!!!!!!! Someone could probably write a book about the craziest offices in the United States and maybe get it on the Oprah show.

May 24, 2006
7:26 pm
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chatty
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Smarter one- Is there any way you can go out? I hope you post back here.

May 25, 2006
12:25 am
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smarterone
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i live in florida, hot ashell, i tried walking a few blocks to stores, but on the way back you want to die. I also have bad arthritis and fibramyalgia. My right knee gets so bad, i use a cane at times. I used to have a car, until i was nice enough to lend it to my son and the air bags came out when it bumped into a pole so the ins. co. totaled it. I cant afford one now, and i live with aman and have less. Go figure. My depression is getting worse, took alot of pills the other day, to chicken outof life. Im still here though. No joke, i will post again, I feel like an idiot. There are people with worse problems but when its in your head you have no control. You know what i mean. God bless you all.

May 25, 2006
9:30 pm
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chatty
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What kind of arthritis do you have? And I think I know the kind of thoughts too. Hope you post back.

May 27, 2006
1:00 am
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Hello Everyone,

Thank you for continuing this thread and writing to me and each other. It was nice to look on the boards and see it was there.

This week I've been a little sensitive, for a few reasons, so I guess I've been a little emotional. Having family problems, I have to realize that some people will never understand something, or act the way I hope they would- once I "get" that then I won't have as much friction and disappointment.

Also, my little dog is not doing so well... she's got some infection on her paw which (after three visits to the Doc and more to come) "they" say is not serious. But she is in a lot of pain, has to take medication, etc. We had to cancel our Memorial Day weekend plans, so that kind of sucked for mommy (me). She is my heart, and when I took her to the vet and they cut her paw open she screamed and howled so much... I came home and sobbed. I had to call in to take the day off from work and could barely compose myself. So I'm a bit of a stress case. This is why I don't have children (amongst other reasons).

This guy at work I have/had a crush on, always makes things difficult by his mere existence (inappropriate situation, I know). I had to be "the bad guy" so to speak and make inquiries as to who was or was not working... (as it turns out, and I knew this but had to be fair) he WAS doing the work and his coworker was the one slacking off. Still, I got a little flack and a bit of the cold shoulder b/c of it. But my job is important to me, and it is important that the place run well. I feel that I am a kind and fair person to work with, but that people only want you to be a doormat sometimes. So there was a bit of friction between me and this young man, since I was acting like a "supervisor" instead of friend. But we are not friends, and that is the truth of the matter. Work comes first. Things are back to amicability as before, and though we straightened out the problem, it made me sad to have the reality check- coworkers can be your friends until the minute you ask them to do something (their job) or just basically stop acting like a pushover.

I feel used and useless at the sametime. I feel like unless I am doing someone a favor lately, or allowing people to take advantage of me, that no one is interested in tolerating my existence. There are some exceptions of course. I get along great with my father, who is interesting and fun to hang out with, and goes out of his way to help me out all the time. My mom and I have our good times sometimes (there are things we can't talk about, but that is normal right?). My boss loves my work and is very supportive. But it kind of ends there. I guess I should feel lucky on at least those three counts right?

Oh, and my dog is awesome. But she falls under the spoiled "What can you do for me now?" catagory. Yet, she deserves to be treated like a princess. She's my true love.

Anyway, so yeah, I just don't feel like I have anyone on my side sometimes, and I don't like to over burden the few who are. I just feel alone as well as lonely sometimes.

I signed up for another class. The last one got cancelled so I am crossing my fingers.

-ella

May 27, 2006
1:05 am
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I forgot:

Ironically, there is an artical on loneliness in Oprah magazine this month. I started reading in my therapist's office but didn't have time to finish. It is not a "fluff" article like I expected...

If I can get it Online, I will cut and paste the text here. It was about loneliness as a sociological phenomenon... and condition... I'll have to get the article.

Did anyone read it?

May 27, 2006
1:32 am
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sdesigns
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((((Ella))))

So sorry you're still down and sorry about your dog. But she'll get better, and I think you will too. I'd be interested in the Oprah article too.

In a way I'm glad that happened w/ your coworker- a reality check, so to speak. He needs to realize that each of you have job to do, and I'm glad you stepped up to the plate and took care of business when necessary. You put your professionalism first, as it should be.

Keep posting OK? I worry when you disappear.

SD

May 27, 2006
1:57 am
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cpt1212
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mzrella,

i havent posted here in awhile either--it is good to hear from you. i know the lonely feeling and it will pass. i know that might not help much at the moment but it will pass and when it does you will feel so much better.

thinking of you,

cpt

May 30, 2006
1:37 am
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sdesigns-

That is sweet of you to say you worry when I disappear... sometimes I just get wrapped up in things and nothing really bad is going on. But it is nice to know some one is thinking of me... you are kind.

-ella

May 30, 2006
1:40 am
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cpt1212-

Thank you for the positive thoughts. I hope you are okay, I haven't gotten around to reading too many threads yet...so I don't know what kept you away, but I hope it was good things in life keeping you busy.

-ella

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