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"im 'selfish' for askin my H to take out the trash"
March 22, 2010
8:57 am
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innerturmoil
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so,,, i its me again.. 🙂
i am so frustrated, me and the h cannot 'communicate' or something,,,
i asked him last nite after dinner 2 take the trash to the trash can,,(i would but it is so full and i cant lift it out) .. so...
i asked him VERY nicely, i thought he would..
so this am it is still there,, and i cant clean the kitchen or anything until it is emptied, so he sits on the couch and i asked him nicely again if he would do it,, he said in a minute, i wait like 5-10 mins and ask him again,, idk, he wouldnt move, so after the 3rd time me askin him, he gets all mad and sayin im selfish and have 2 have everything i want rite then, whatever, i just need the damn trash takin outside, is that 2 much 2 ask??
anything i ask him lately is me bein selfish..
idk,, i wish we could just get along 🙁

March 22, 2010
11:31 am
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curious64
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I don't know your story, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to take out the trash for you when you are not able to lift it. How is that being selfish?

It sounds like you gave him ample time to accomplish this. Any idea why he didn't want to do it in a timely manner? Was he trying to control this situation?

I'm not sure what the best advice is here, but I don't think you were being selfish. Sending a big hug your way. ((((hugs))))

March 22, 2010
11:44 am
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Hepburn
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Hi Inner!

You know, it's never about "taking out the trash" or the little things. When people argue about stuff like that, it has nothing to do with the trash. That's just a symptom of a bigger problem that's at the root. Curious is right, he's trying to have some control.

Is he still unemployed?

Love ya,

Hep

March 22, 2010
12:56 pm
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fantas
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I'm the kinda gal who would just leave it there, not clean the kitchen, or cook in it, until he takes it out or we get to the bottom of why he really doesn't want to take the trash out.

I too agree that his isn't about the trash.

March 22, 2010
1:44 pm
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gottobetrue
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I've done the same, just left it there and gone on "strike". But is he the type of stubborn guy who will leave it there till you get frustrated at do it yourself?

I had a counselor tell me if my husband won't do something, to tell him either he can do it himself or I'll hire a professional to do it. That might work better with hanging a picture or trimming bushes, but it at least shows that it's going to get it done no matter what and he can choose how it happens.

Definitely about more than just trash.

March 22, 2010
5:49 pm
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CAMER
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inner, he could just be the type that doesn't like to be told, so to speak, of what to do, I mean, yeah, you asked him nicely to take out the trash, why does he have such resentment cuz of it??? and then you asked him again.....yeah, he may be stubborn, but nowadays, you have to help eachother out and get the lil' things done. Hopefully by now he has taken out the trash!!

March 23, 2010
12:50 pm
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Lanigirl
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Inner,

I hear you loud and clear. My H does the same thing and he actually tells me he doesn't like someone telling him what to do, he'll do it in his own time, etc. I definitely agree that in my H's case it's about control. Sometimes I handle it ok and sometimes I don't.

Sometimes threatening to hire a professional works - I asked him to trim a tree on our patio otherwise we would get a fine by the HOA. He wouldn't so I casually mentioned that I would hire a tree trimmer. That got him moving that time.

Other things that I've tried are saying would he take care of so and so within 30 minutes so that I can take the next step with whatever? Or sometimes I make the request and then just have to breathe and walk away from it. I found that asking over and over again accomplishes nothing.

March 23, 2010
1:01 pm
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gottobetrue
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My H and I are reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Some of it I don't agree with, but it covers asking men to do things. It says you should say "Would you do X?" instead of "Can you do X?" It also says if you're ok with him saying no, don't push the issue, because it allows them to turn things down and feel like there's a choice, and then future requests will be met with less resistance. It sounds a lot like training or tricking your H, but maybe it just needs to be asked in a certain way.

My H feels certain things are my job and that's that. He will see a chore that needs to be done, like the trash or dishes, but won't touch it because he considers that my job, no matter how busy I am. It's frustrating, and I've tried to talk through it but he thinks saying it's my job settles it. Sigh!

March 23, 2010
4:20 pm
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innerturmoil
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hi All..
thx for ur input ..
hi ya Hep Lani Cami,,, Hep,, yes to ur question...lol,,not really funny tho..
the 'trash' is one of 'his' jobs, along with 'loading' the dishwasher, when i unload it and cook all meals etc,,
and 'his other job is 2 feed the dogs/and make sure they have water, and 2 mow the yard occasionally, these r 'his' deals, and i do the 'rest' he does help me in other areas 2 but im gonna have 2 'hire' a lawn guy 2 plant grass, and bring in topsoil.. of course it would b more expensive 2 do it ourselves.. 🙂

anyway,, im just tired of the 'power struggle' is basically what it is,, he just needs 2 get over his 'depression' hes switching meds 2 btw so makes him even more moody.. 🙁

anyway, i guess ill just keep on pushin thru.. thanks again everbody..!

i believe it is about more than the trash2 !!
love yall!

hope u r enjoying the nice weather..
at least here LOL

(((huggsss)))

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