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im sacred
June 23, 2008
7:47 pm
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h3rsh3y
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September 30, 2010
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tahnk you for the encouraging words but im honestly scared more than anything. i guess the fear isnt coming from not knowing what lies ahead but because of the uncertainty that this will never end. ive never gotten to go to any meetings. i was just given articles on co dependency by my therapist. from that i did my own research as to furthur my understaning on the topic. i can't even seem to function properly. my emotions feel all hay wired and i havent gotten out of bed but i havent even slept for more than an hour for the past two days. i go to nursing school and im so worried that if i go on like this ill throw all of whats i have left going for me down the drain. i truly am trying to help myself but why is it so hard for my mom to see. im not lazy, im not trying to manipulate because of my actions.....i cant help it. i get so frustrated with myself that i just feel like going to sleep and never waking up if all its going to lead to is this. im also on wellbutrin xl and i take it once a day and since my psych is out of the country for another month they advised me to go to urgent care to get my meds altered if i feel its not helping...but i just up'd the dosage to twice a day cause im not comfortable trying to explain the whole situation to them as to why i feel like i need a higher dosage . i feel like a little child always having to explain or justiry something that i truly desperately needed. if i wasnt this depressed i wouldnt even bother nor let anyone know about it since my mom might portray it as another manipulation of mine. im so sick of this life. im not a bad daughter...why cant she give me a chance....she doesnt know how much its hurting me and just how much torment her actions has caused me eversince i was young ive kept it in and now it all makes saense as to why im like this. im not blaming her entirely its just i hope she would open her eyes that shes not perfect and yes i have my flaws but she needs to lnow that she doesnt have the right coping skills either to deal with her life and how much damage and stress her actions portray in our relationship. should i go to the er? im really sworried about myself. i dont wanna fall into desperate measures and sometimes i feel like i dont have control over myself anymore. i just want help even a lil decrease in the pain.

June 24, 2008
5:42 am
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CraigCo
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September 27, 2010
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Hi h3rsh3y..

I sincerely wish you MUCH comfort during this difficult period in your life.

This is the only post I have seen of yours. Apparently many of them were lost over the weekend due to some 'glitch' in the system.

I can tell from what you are saying that you are in a lot of pain.

When I've gone through bad stuff in my life there were times when I though nobody understood me either.

Know that it WILL get better. Keep seeing your counsellor & being as open and honest as you can about your feelings & experiences.

One member here gave me some encouraging words...there WILL eventually be a payoff for you for your working at getting better within yourself.
Life can & will be so much better for you since you are obviously making some effort. The fact that you are posting your feelings is a good indication of that.
Rather than hiding your pain, you are expressing it.
That is a positive thing to do.
An essential part of the journey to your peace of mind.

You shouldn't have to go through your young life feeling this level of anxiety.
I feel for you & oneday (hopefully soon) your anguish will pass.

I also hope that eventually you can see your Mom showing a deeper understanding & appreciation of what you are feeling.

Since many of the previous postings seem to have disappeared, I was wondering...what got you into this state of mind where you are feeling so down?

Craig

June 24, 2008
12:49 pm
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alicenwonderland
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September 30, 2010
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I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I was there myself almost a year ago. I felt so lost and so alone. You have taken a very big step in just trying to help yourself. I know it may not seem like it at the moment.

There are some wonderful books on codependency that may be helpful. Pia Mellody: Facing Codependency and Melodie Bette: Codependent No More. I found both to be very uplifting.

Right now, you have to do what is best for you and I can see from your writing that you love your mom, but right now, you just have to think about you and making you feel better. It doesn't make you selfish or even spoiled to do what is right for yourself. Only you know what pain you feel and it is only you who can overcome it. Be strong and know that you deserve only good things. Your mom is probably like most of them...well intentioned, but they're just human too.

I didn't see any of your other threads either, but I hope you will keep posting.

Hang in there...

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