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Im pregnant
June 7, 2006
9:35 pm
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chakik
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I've been married for 6 years. When I found out my husband's infidelity 2 years ago we stopped making love. Last month I was invited by a friend to a birthday party. I did not know that I would meet again my ex-boyfriend there. Everything happened so quickly. We did not contact each other after that incident. When I missed my period a week ago I bought a pregnancy test kit and I found out im pregnant.Im so afraid.

I dont know what to do now. How should I tell my husband.

June 7, 2006
10:05 pm
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CAMER
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(((CHAKIK))) wow this is a tough one, esp being preggo by your ex.

Eventually you do have to tell your hubby and your ex too, how do you think your hubby will react?? i mean is he violent?? and also with his infedelity a few years ago, doesn't make this right, but maybe he will be understanding in some humanly way.

Do you still want to continue with your marriage now???

June 7, 2006
10:21 pm
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on my way
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I advise you tell the truth, and i am sorry for your pain.

June 7, 2006
10:33 pm
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chakik
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My husband is not the violent type. I dont really know what to do. Especially that my husband is also having a big problem at work. I dont want to give him more problem. I am not sure if telling my ex about my condition would also help. I am really scared.

June 8, 2006
2:09 am
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free2choose
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Chakik...

I am not at all trying to be rude or offensive, so please do not take it that way. I will just give my opinion...

That you admitt to not being intimate with your husband for TWO YEARS due to his infidelities, this tells me ALOT. Wether the choice to avoid eachother was out of your fear, your betrayal, a lack tof trust, a need to punish him, or even a mutual decision....that you go THAT long with out intimacy tells me that there are still HUGE lingering issues in your marriage that you have not worked out with the hubby! Maybe it started at the affair (his), maybe it is much longer than that...but it has gotten so bad that you have now Cheated on him too!

It is my opinion that this pregnancy is maybe a wake up call...Hello, Chakik, what are you doing in your life here???? Do your REALLY want to be stuck here in this loveless (physically and maybe more?) marrigage?

Look at it as a message...a really big, loud, clear message, that is screaming...CHAKIK, wake up. It is time to RE-EVALUATE the situation you are in!!!!!

Just my opinion, given in the spirit of support, not judgement.

WELCOME to this site!!!

Free2Choose

June 8, 2006
3:09 am
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free
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applause free2choose!

chakik, you're gonna be okay. It'll be rough and rocky at first, but you're gonna be okay. Things are gonna change big time, and yeah, that's just terrifying, and your husband is either gonna be in your life or he's not.

You're gonna be okay.

A year from now, all will be said and done, and that year is gonna be a blip. Hunker down.

free

June 8, 2006
6:33 am
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chakik
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thank you all for your advice. I believe its all my fault. I have been weak. I could have work things out with my husband before this thing have taken place.

June 8, 2006
6:44 am
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taj64
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Dear Chakik, there are two people in this marriage. It is not all your fault. Your husband is the one that cheated in the first place. It has been two years and still your marriage had not been on track if it ever was in the first place since obviously he got his needs mets elsewhere. You have not said much information so it is hard to go by. I think Free2Choose hits the nail on the head. This encounter with your exboyfriend may not have been the right thing to do but now you are pregnant and the only things that should come first is the baby. You should tell your husband. He is going to find out anyway since you say you have not been intimate. Maybe some personal counseling just for you may be of help to you to help you with why you and your husband did not reconnect after the affair and also a decision will have to be made about your marraige. Is your husband going to want to raise and also be a good father to another man's child and also do you want to make this marriage better or leave it. Do you think you could have feelings for the ex boyfriend, etc? All these need to be addressed and putting all the blame on yourself is not fair nor will it do any good. Like I said it takes two people to make a marriage work and nobody is perfect. I am sure there are problems that are not just your fault. YOu said he had problems at work. So I see a possibility that you are not getting enough attention. COuld this be it as well, and then you seek attention from another man? I can only speculate. You might be able to shed some light on those thoughts. TAJ

June 8, 2006
11:17 am
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smarterone
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Chalk, i dont think i am capable of saying anything except i am here to talk whenever you want. I hope all goes well and the decision you make, is ok, think first. Im sure your husbandis not in the dark about how you are not getting along. Good luck honey. Ill be praying for you.

June 8, 2006
9:43 pm
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chakik
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taj and smartone, thank you for understanding. My husband and I stopped being intimate for 2 years but we always love each other. He was always busy and tired and I respect him for that because his job is tough. I didnt even notice that its been 2 years since we our last contact. I want to stay with my husband. I cant imagine a life without him.I just dont know anymore if he will still accept me. One thing is sure however, I am keeping this child.

I just cant believe I did this to him.

June 8, 2006
10:13 pm
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CAMER
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stop blaming yourself, look what he did to you in the past, and yes, 2 wrongs don't make a right, but now is the time to step up to the plate, let him know how you feel, and know that you have to take care of this baby growing in your body now, and not be stressed out.......(((many prayers and hugs your way)))))

June 9, 2006
3:26 am
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chakik
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thank you camer. i really need that. im glad i found this side.

June 9, 2006
8:20 am
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taj64
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Im glad you are on here too. You seem like a nice person. But I am wondering, out of curiousity, how does a married couple stay together if they are not intimate? Especially 2 years? Only in a uniosn where neither partner doesn't want to have sex would this work. I find it fairly odd to go this long unless you are married for convenience only. But you didn't have children before the pregnancy so you were not staying together for the children before tihs. You have not described a lot of situations and that is your perogative but it seems to me that would be a serious issue in a relationship where someone is not getting their needs met. Being busy and tired is not an excuse. You should always take time to show love and part of love is sex. You make time for work, make time for your partner. It is very important in a relationship and it is a priority over work. YOu are very important in the relationship. It is obvious love is not the problem but love needs to be nourished. Im not understanding of the nourishment in your relationship. How can one not notice that it has been 2 years? Sorry for asking but to me I would notice.

June 11, 2006
2:54 am
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chakik
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hi taj64. when I found that my husband has been going around with girls even during our early years of marriage I confronted him about 2 years ago. I seek advise thru some friends (without telling them what is really happening in my marriage) on how should to keep a good marriage and stuff. I followed their advise but I was having a hard time getting the participation or cooperation from my husband. At first I was always the one who initiates intimacy especially that I really wanted to have a child but i was rejected several times. After 2 years of being marriage I asked him if we could see a doctor to find out what is wrong. He does not want to see a doctor either. We will end up fighting whenever i open up this topic. I wanted to have a romantic time with him by going on a vacation to give him time from his tough job but he is reluctant most of the time. Last year, arounf October I talked to him and told him what I really feel. I told him that I feel like im treated like a personal assistant, that we dont seem to be husband and wife anymore. He assured me that we are fine. I must admit that day by day i feel like im all alone. He may be a good provider but he never was a husband to me. Im always ther for him but he was never been there for me. I get sick once in a while but he does not even seem to care. I developed cysts in my breasts he never came with me to the hospital.
I became so lonely. And during my weakest and vulnerable time somebody who was once so dear to me appeared.
Sometimes, I questioned why is this happening to me?
Yesterday, I was thinking, If i felt so alone in past, how will he treat me hereafter?

June 11, 2006
4:00 am
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Worried_Dad
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Hi, chakik

Wow. I've heard of this one before, and it always makes me go "wow."

I feel a lot of compassion for what you are going through. It's one of those wow-wow-wow's isn't it.

Your husband does not sound like a particularly good friend, or husband.

In my opinion this is one of those super intense situations that calls for the advice of an advanced professional.

June 11, 2006
9:53 am
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taj64
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Dear Chakik,

He says it is fine but what you are saying to me that it is not fine. Not when you are not getting your needs and wants met. Im sorry about all this for you. It sounds like he is not caring for you and he is in denial of thing. Can you see a counselor of some sort to help you see what you can do about YOU? You deserve better than this.

June 12, 2006
6:06 am
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chakik
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thanks taj64 I am going to see a professional counselor anytime this week. Thank you for your advise.

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