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I'm pregnant and depressed
March 24, 2007
2:03 pm
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expecting
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September 24, 2010
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Its hard to sum my problems up in one post. I'm 21, and I'm pregnant by an ex whom I was with for about 4 years who is also 21. He seems to not really care anymore that I'm having his child. We broke up at the beginning of my pregnancy and it seems like he's really emotionally abusive. He doesn't call on a regular basis, and all he wants to do is meet other women. It hurts so bad, and I feel so rejected. It seems like all he can say about me is negative stuff, not taking into consideration my emotions or feelings before he speaks to me. I really don't want to talk to him anymore, but when I stop answering his calls he says that it's a dumb thing to do. I feel stuck. I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do? I'm close to my due date, and I know it's not healthy to be this down and out. How can I get him to understand?

March 24, 2007
2:51 pm
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loverbee
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Try this one on. If he says its a "dumb thing to do" maybe you should respond with this..."No it is a dumb thing when you verbally abuse the woman who is having your child. It is the mature thing to do if I choose not to expose myself to your immaturity and abuse so as to help make sure the baby stays healthy. Afterall, the depression you cause by being so abusive to me can affect the baby so I am just trying to do what is right."

March 24, 2007
5:45 pm
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Anonymous
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Oh dear. I was in your shoes last year. My due date was 06/30. I have plenty of advice to give and support, but you may not like what you NEED to hear.

You are now responsible for another person that counts solely on you to protect, nurture and care for them. At times like these, you gotta do...what you gotta do.

Of course he thinks its a dumb thing for you to stop communicating. Then he can't play with his toy and has to go find a new one. At this point, you are under no obligation to contact him whatsoever. Its up to you to decide how involved you want him to be after the birth, but for now save yourself the pain and retain your energy to focus on this miracle.

If this sounds harsh, it is, but its the truth. Wasting energy on this guy will not help you with your task at hand, your child. That is the ONLY thing that should matter right now. Getting caught up in what he is doing and getting depressed over it is hurting not only you but your child as well.

Cut off contact, he wants to come around and have visitation, that can be discussed at a later date. For now, save your energy for the birth and for yourself.

I will tell you one thing...when you hold your baby in your arms your insight will change like never before. That little body will be the only thing that matters. Enjoy your pregnancy and birth. Enjoy being a mom, its a beautiful and wonderful experience. Don't let him take away from your experience. Do it for yourself, and do it for your child.

Walking...

*My name comes from walking away while pregnant, and not ever going or looking back. Be strong..you can do it.

March 24, 2007
7:17 pm
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loverbee
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I just wanted to add that you have no obligation to speak with your ex, you do however have an obligation to protect your child from his abuse and I do hope you start caring more for the baby than you do for your addiction to your ex. I say addiction because if he doesn't make you happy and only makes you sad then why do you continue to talk to him? To me it sounds like an addiction.

March 25, 2007
7:16 am
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CODA_Mom
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September 27, 2010
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(((expecting))) I wanted to send you a hug and to tell you that, no matter where he is or what he is doing, that YOU are going to get through this.

The best thing that you can do, honey, is keep the focus on where it needs to be...on yourself and your child. Do what you can to prepare and surround yourself with supportive people. Line up the services you will need and plan as if the baby's dad is not going to be involved. He sounds like a toxic individual...no contact is the rule with these dudes.

One other thing I'd like to mention is that you might want to look into custody issues. If he is truly the gem that I think he is, he may want to try to take the child or claim custody after he/she is born. Call your local courthouse or stop over to ask what their requirements are for claiming child custody right after the baby is born and DO IT. Usually these guys are egged-on by their parents or girlfriends, etc., and the issue is not that they want to be in the child's life, it is all about control.

expecting, you've got to let that "mama bear" instinct rule here. Your baby needs you to take care of and protect them. You can do this...I will be praying for you.

More hugs,

CM

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