Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I'm out of control
November 8, 2004
3:46 am
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
126sp_Permalink sp_Print

Wireless,

so you pretty much know that you are going to let her come back home? Your mind's been made up? I hope it works out Hun! Hey, maybe it will.

November 8, 2004
3:50 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
127sp_Permalink sp_Print

No, mind isnt made up, but I know myself, and I can be a real sucker. I think Im lying to myself when I say that I need time to decide. I think what Im really doing is just keeping her on ice, or making her sweat. Im holding the possibility of saying no over her head. I know that what Im doing even though its not a consious thought

November 8, 2004
3:53 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
128sp_Permalink sp_Print

Theres still the issue of her sleeping with Josh, and that will remain an issue until I go out and cheat on her. Sort of like payback, you know? It makes me sound like a horrible person, and thats not the kind of person I am. What a mess!

November 8, 2004
4:07 am
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
129sp_Permalink sp_Print

So do you think that you are going to get back at her for what she did to you? I know what you mean about that. There is always that feeling of them having that 'one-up' on you. I think it has a lot to do with pride maybe. I dunno.

November 8, 2004
4:10 am
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
130sp_Permalink sp_Print

Wireless,

I'm going to go to sleep now. I will talk to you later. =)

(Hugs)

~Amanda~

November 8, 2004
4:16 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
131sp_Permalink sp_Print

I dont know. I dont want it to be like that, but I want to keep her in my life and be with her. If she does come back here, she will most likely move out of state by the end of the year. Then we would eventually lose contact alltogether. Damn her! Why did she have to want to come back? I was done, had given up and let go. Now I think about her, see her, talk to her, and I want to be with her. Im happy tonight, but its because she made me happy, not because Im happy on my own.

Your right about that one-up feeling. You know, she was very permiscous before we got together. Shes had a LOT more guy than Ive had girls. Hell, shes been with more girls than I have! That never bothered me, because it was in the past, and I didnt judge her for it. What counted was from the time we got together forward, so now she does have one up on me, I feel

November 8, 2004
4:18 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
132sp_Permalink sp_Print

Good night, amanda

November 8, 2004
2:06 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
133sp_Permalink sp_Print

The big question is do you have any evidence that things will be different with her? Do you have the strength to let her go if she starts any of the old behavior? She has got to know that it is completely unacceptable to you to be ever treated that way again and if she does you will leave.

November 8, 2004
2:32 pm
Avatar
SassyAlex
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
134sp_Permalink sp_Print

wireless_tech, I don't think I could take someone back knowing that they've been sleeping with someone else. It's just something I can't deal with. I think it's perfectly natural how you're feeling.

As for getting drunk and being reckless, I think it's almost human nature to get like that after someone you love betrays you and leaves you. It's not the healthiest thing in the world, and it actually causes more destruction in the long run, but I do think it is a natural reaction.

I agree with the problems you have with AA programs and the 12 steps because I feel the same way. They tie too much religion into it, and if you don't agree with it, it's very difficult to try to put your whole heart into it.

November 8, 2004
8:47 pm
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
135sp_Permalink sp_Print

Thanks Kathyg and sassyalex and everybody else,

I know that if this ever happens again, Im not going to take it. I honestly believe that she is sincere, and she is willing to do whatever it takes. She knows that it will take time to earn my trust back, and that it will not be easy. She knows that she really fucked up, she made a huge mistake.

I have pretty much decided that I do want to take her back, and I will. We love each other. I know that she loves me, and I know that I love her. Yesterday, after spending time with her, I felt so good. It felt so right to be with her. I told her this morning that I think we may be able to work this out. We still have some big issues to work through, but I know that she is willing, and I am willing.

We are trying to talk about the issues over the next few days. We talked just now, and I let her know my biggest issue - Her sleeping with Josh, while I havent slept with anyone else yet. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to go about dealing with this? If you do, please share, because I need help with this. The only thing I can think that would help it would be to sleep with another woman, to sort of level the playing field. It sounds like a childish and immature idea to me, but thats the way I feel. Unfortunately, like I said, Im not the kind of guy that can just go out and get laid any time I want. I know that I am attractive enough, and I am a nice guy and all, but thats not the way I work. I dont want to end up cheating on her. Thats not the way I work either.

This is confusing, and I dont know how to deal with this. I know that I want to be with her, and I know that she wants to be with me. I dont want to wait. Im impatient. Any ideas?

November 9, 2004
12:34 am
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
136sp_Permalink sp_Print

Wireless,

I know that's how it feels. That she has ‘one up’ on you... I would feel the same way. Do you remember how you felt when she did all those horrible things to you? Do you want her to feel that way? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Maybe you want to make sure that she knows where she stands as in “not to mess with you” or to “know who's boss” or “Yeah, take that Bitch. But I still need you and Love you. I just wanted to let you get a little taste of the pain that you caused me.”

I hope I'm not making you angry, I'm just saying things that would be going through my head. It doesn't make you a bad person to think out all the possibilities of what you want to do, why you would do them, etc.

About being childish, I think that we all are emotional children. There are very few people who have done the hard work required to become adults in that area of life. Everyone is at different stages though.

Are you seeing a counselor? You should AT LEAST see one by yourself. It would be optimal if you two would go to couples counseling and her to a counselor of her own as well. (I don’t know how they do that… Would that be 3 different counselors?) I really hope this all works out for you.

~Amanda~

November 9, 2004
12:40 am
Avatar
southgoingzax
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 79
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
137sp_Permalink sp_Print

The fact that your solution to this issue is to go out and sleep with someone else REALLY bothers me. What kind of relationship is it when it's an eye for an eye? Where does it stop? It is really childish and stupid and I don't think it will help you feel better at all.

If you are going to take her back, then you have to forgive her and her transgressions. ALL of them. This is not the time for retribution. Seriously! What happened to your head, wireless? Am I going to have to stop posting on your threads like I have Bubishi's? Come on! I thought you had grown. Is this something she has okayed? If so, don't you have to wonder about her integrity if she is encouraging you to sleep with another woman? What the hell has happened to you?

I will not apologize for this. It's a stupid, stupid idea and it makes me seriously question BOTH of your commitments to working this relationship out. Christ.

November 9, 2004
1:33 am
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
138sp_Permalink sp_Print

I second that. Sorry Wireless.

November 9, 2004
2:03 am
Avatar
paulinwestpalm
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
139sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hey people. Is it all different ages on here?

November 9, 2004
2:09 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
140sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hey zax,

No, you dont have to stop posting to this or any other threads that I start. Please dont. I appreciate your honesty and your insight.

It bothers me too. I thought about the phrase "eye for an eye" earlier tonight while I was driving to work. It wouldnt exactly be an eye for an eye anyway. I dont want retribution. I also dont want to go and get someone else involved to use for my own peace of mine and then put out like dirty laundry. It is childish and stupid - I said it and you reiterated it. This isnt much of a solution and I know its not exactly rational. I am the type of person that tends to view things logically and rationally. This is more of a feeling. The ramblings of a madman, I guess.

This is not something that she has necessarily okayed. The ball is completely in my court, and my actions and decision are mine to make. I am trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I am trying to deal with this issue so that we can put it and leave it where it belongs, in the past, and move forward.

I dont expect an apology for this, zax (and jewel). You are being brutally honest here. That is what I need. I thank you for it.

- wireless

November 9, 2004
2:13 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
141sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi paulin, welcome

You must be new here. Yes there all different ages here dealing with a variety of issues, ranging from 14 to 60 (as far as I know). You will find a LOT of support here, if you need it. Feel free to create a new thread, and discuss anything you feel comfortable with. This is a great site, and it has helped more than I could have imagined before I found it.

November 9, 2004
3:19 am
Avatar
wireless_tech
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
142sp_Permalink sp_Print

two wrongs dont make a right

November 9, 2004
5:42 am
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
143sp_Permalink sp_Print

Wireless,

That's what I was trying to get at too. (What Zax said)

I do understand that you feel that way though... 'one-uped'. That's what I was getting at, ways to deal with that within yourself. But I do not think that it is Love to 'level the playing field'. I don't even think it is a playing field in the first place. It's two people's Hearts and Souls.

(Hugs)

~Amanda~

November 9, 2004
11:30 am
Avatar
southgoingzax
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 79
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
144sp_Permalink sp_Print

hi wireless,

Sometimes I forget what people type here isn't at all what they will actually do...I know you are just trying to work things out. But listen:

how many people she has slept with should not be an issue. I can see how this one guy is an issue, because she was cheating on you when she did it, BUT believe me when I tell you this, nothing will make you feel better about that, except her continual and constant words and actions to reassure you it will never happen again. If that. I have never had to deal with the cheating issue, and I don't think I could, so I don't really know what would work. You're angry at her and you should be angry, but if you two want to work it out you have to find a non-destructive way for you to cope with your anger and hurt.

lots of love,

zax

November 9, 2004
4:14 pm
Avatar
wallace
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
145sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi wireless

Sorry to not respond quicker. By being a rock to her I mean supporting her and being there for her in her hour of need, putting her needs before yours while she is in this crisis in her life, because you love her. If you open yourself to her, she will look to you as an anchor of support. It will make her vulnerable. Being a rock means not pulling away or hitting out because you get mad at her, or because you want revenge. It means acting totally unselfishly. And it will be hard, especially with your mind in a whirl at the moment. But it will tell you a lot about how you really feel about her. Only you can truely know this.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110964
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714253
Newest Members:
samzy12, mycvdesigner, JayGriffin212, Youse1937, Cannabeme, charli55
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information