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I'm not healthy, and I know it
January 15, 2007
11:53 pm
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scyllamessina
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I don't want to blame my dysfunctional childhood, but there are just some life skills that I simply don't have. I have this desperate need to be loved by a man who I can trust to always be there for me. Friends, family, God, myself, nothing fills this hole. I try so hard to fix myself, but it doesn't work. I look at my sisters and they were able to do it . . . they cling to their husbands and their families. I think this is the only solution that is going to work for me too. I know that my thoughts aren't healthy, but I have tried for years to change them. It hasn't worked. I feel hopeless.

January 16, 2007
8:24 am
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wannabe
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scyllamessina hi,
to desire love is not unhealthy. am abit concerned though, how old are you?

I am 26, a single mum and still single and for a long time I ahve desired to get married and I havefelt like you do. that something may be wrong with me.

my younger sister got married when she was 19 as a fourth wife. and for some time she seemed to have it all.
but life is not as straight as we may imagine.

God designed each of us differently. you have to be happy being you. you cant change your childhood, but you can shape your future. you can never have all the skills you desire but you can use the few you have to do great things.

believe in yourself and that man you are looking for will see it and believe in you too.

all the best

January 16, 2007
9:20 am
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scyllamessina
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I am 27.

January 17, 2007
12:35 am
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wannabe
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hey again
at 27 I think you are still young and have alot going on for you.

you will meet someone, help me to believe in that.

January 17, 2007
4:28 pm
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revelation
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SCylla...the most important thing to remember is this: You won't find happiness in someone else, you have to find it yourself first. Have you ever read about "the enneagram". It defines personality types...I am a type 2, which you sound like too...I'm just wondering if you have thought of maybe buying a book about it...it really helped me! Also, perhaps a book about self-esteem?

January 19, 2007
9:53 am
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balancesekr
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hi scyllamessina,
I can empathize with you, I have walked and still walk in the same shoes as you describe. Feeling broken, something just isn't right, how do I make my life perfect like everyone elses life seems?

At least you know there are areas that you need to improve upon with your thought patterns, that is the first step to healing and starting to choose how you really want to feel, better. This all takes time and a commitment from you to take some healthier steps for yourself.

The answer is not in a man. Once you get the man, you may find yourself confused, at least that is what I do! Or you may just get lost in his world and lose your own, this is what is used to do in relationships.

Life is a balancing act and things will never be completely perfect. Coming from a disfunctional family messes you up and it takes time to get rid of and understand feelings, actions, etc... I think back over that past 10 years of relationships I have been in and what I did, how I felt, how I acted out, how I lost myself and was struggling to find myself and I think, wow, that was all wasted time!?

No, it was necessary to overcome the dysfunction, the negative thoughts, and I am still not in the clear.

Have you tried counseling? It will definitely help, but you should shop around, finding someone who have a therapy style that agrees with you is very important. CODA meetings are great too.
keep posting,
b

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