Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
i'm not having a good day Today (liss)
February 4, 2004
11:33 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Why do YOU think that happenned ?? Well yes - liss - it could very well be time, to get your head back where it belongs! You can do 'that' and much more besides! It's time to kick butt kiddo! Time to get down to some more concentration on your schoolwork. What kind of grades do you uually get?

LA Rosa

February 6, 2004
4:59 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Just thought I'd get back to you with a little hope that your day is going well for you - and let you know that I wish my own math grades could've been so good.....with a little bit of effort and more concenration there is lots of potential indeed. Oki Doki..? I'm glad to hear you're getting your sleep and generally taking care of yourself. That's really good!:)

I agree with you that my son must be having a lot of difficulty in wanting to communicate with me.....and it sounds to me as though he'd rather not - at least until he can make ammends for whatever it is that he has done. It must be money oriented I feel, because he knows how much it meant to me - and would be feeling very guilty at betraying my trust. I wish I hadn't felt he need to give it to him in the first place - I should never have placed him in that situation - and even though I quickly realised the error and tried to get the 'filthy lucre' back - it was too late and now the price is being paid. That's what happens when you don't think things through very carefully, before making important decisions. We all make mistakes. I'll soon take the initiative in contacting him very soon, if he can't face me.

Don't forget to ask whenever you've any problems understanding anything regarding your schoolwork - liss - as there's lots of support available to you right here - to help you when you have any queries and the like. Hope you soon get the book that you require.....I don't know how the system works where you are - liss - but isn't there some sceme in place for those who can't afford books?

I'm off to see my Mum shortly, so that means I'll be getting back to you later. Until then do take care - be well - and have a very nice day today. CU

Love LA Rosa

February 6, 2004
5:00 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Just thought I'd get back to you with a little hope that your day is going well for you - and let you know that I wish my own math grades could've been so good.....with a little bit of effort and more concenration there is lots of potential indeed. Oki Doki..? I'm glad to hear you're getting your sleep and generally taking care of yourself. That's really good!:)

I agree with you that my son must be having a lot of difficulty in wanting to communicate with me.....and it sounds to me as though he'd rather not - at least until he can make ammends for whatever it is that he has done. It must be money oriented I feel, because he knows how much it meant to me - and would be feeling very guilty at betraying my trust. I wish I hadn't felt he need to give it to him in the first place - I should never have placed him in that situation - and even though I quickly realised the error and tried to get the 'filthy lucre' back - it was too late and now the price is being paid. That's what happens when you don't think things through very carefully, before making important decisions. We all make mistakes. I'll soon take the initiative in contacting him very soon, if he can't face me.

Don't forget to ask whenever you've any problems understanding anything regarding your schoolwork - liss - as there's lots of support available to you right here - to help you when you have any queries and the like. Hope you soon get the book that you require.....I don't know how the system works where you are - liss - but isn't there some sceme in place for those who can't afford books?

I'm off to see my Mum shortly, so that means I'll be getting back to you later. Until then do take care - be well - and have a very nice day today. CU

Love LA Rosa

February 7, 2004
4:47 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

My hope is for you or your mum will be able to get that book that you really do need.... and that it won't be long before you've can get it. You cannot be expected to give a true indication of your merit, when you are at such a major disadvantage. No wonder you're finding that subject so hard to get your head around. As long as you at least know it wasn't a true reflection of your potential. It 's just a shame that you didn't already have it. Do you think you'll manage to catch up without too much difficulty?

Yesterday went very nicely for both my mother and I, and I was able to keep the atmosphere from becoming too emotional and depressing. I arrived with our currently favourite, musical selection that we could sing to, helping to relieve some of the sadness that she is feeling at this time.....due to my sister not wanting to have any more to do with her - and my mother having absolutely no idea why. I could tell her.....but somehow I just get the feeling that I would be doing them both a diservice. This is 'their' issue, that 'they' must face. I'm only going to go so far....then butt out. At least I've let my mum see, that it shouldn't be taken so personally - without going into the facts of the matter.....or betraying any confidence of my sister's. It's a fine-line though.

Willie (my son) and I, never really had any problems like that - we were able to talk with each other freely. for the most part. That's why I'm hoping that he will contact me now - instead of me contacting him - I've already made the first move and he has let me know that he 'will' contact me. So I'm just hoping that he can find it within himself to do that - and that I can find the strength not to phone, and respect his wishes. It is important that 'he' do this - and I just wish he could know, that I do understand and empathise with his dilemma. He is in still in Ohio.... (as far as I know) and I'll phone if I don't hear from him in the very near future. Hopefully it won't nead to come to that.

It's 10-40am Sunday in NZ, as you are past lunchtime and getting into Saturday afternoon (1-40pm). It makes you think a little bit - doesn't it? Have a nice Saturday Liss - and take care - and of course be well.

Love, LA Rosa

February 7, 2004
10:24 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm so sorry - liss - to hear you're feeling so sad just now. Why liss? If you think it would help to get it off your chest..... then by all means do so....there's no need for you to bottle it up if you don't want to. ((big hug))

Love, LA Rosa

February 8, 2004
1:23 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I feel sad that my cousin couldn't love me the way I was led to believe that he did. Now 'that' was/is a beautiful concept...but 'that' is not reality. The reality was that he was a control freak and uses deception and emotional blackmail as his main tools of manipulation. I will always love that man he portayed himself to be. He may be real.....but it sure isn't my cousin. If I'd known what he was really all about.....I would never have any more to do with. I though I could give him an opportunity to see if he would ever try and compromise. It is beneath him! So you see liss, my sadness over him is really not over him at all. It's over the fact that he wasn't the one I do love. It pays for me to remind myself of that.....but it's still just as sad......not as sad as it used to be though, when I thought he was the one making me feel that way. With some time to come to understand what was really going on - the sadness load should gradually lighten - as your heart begins to heal. It does want to....and it won't give up on you. It does need to feel what you're going through though liss, as you become more in tune with your real self. If it didn't feel this sadness your heart would be paralised, numbed, and of no good to you.....it is very much alive and can heal. Hope you'll feel the sadness lifting soon. ((big hug))

Love, LA Rosa

February 9, 2004
2:40 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

It sounds as though you're getting over your problem. Well, he did get that one spot on! You did have a problem....HIM! When all is said and done though.....they weren't really the guys they portrayed themselves as being anyway. The reasons why someone does something like that are countless.... but whatever their reason, and I mean the 'real' reason. It is probably their secret. Some who could do with some proffessional help themselves, but may not be able to face the thought of that. It makes much more sense to just blame their shortcomings on someone else - consistently.

We should remind ourselves to take things slowly in the initial stages of personal relationships - before giving our hearts away - way so soon. No guarantee of course, but just a little common sense that you're already aware of. Take care of your heart with respect....and it'll thank you for it every day. Here is a saying that lets you see that there is no rush to get too deeply attached too hastily......"What's for you - Won't go by you."

'How could I have been so wrong?" Well in a lot of cases it could be very understandable......especially if you're involved with an expert at pressing all the right buttons. You may not have had a chance. Even though I know this, and knew it at the time I met my cousin......it was all just so overwhelming, and even though I was only suggesting a holiday so we could be together for a while, to see one another. Soon later, his feelers were out for staying permnently. You may think that is so sweet, so romantic...etc What it was, was pressure tactics.... as he was already wanting to test out his manipulative skills. If he could get me over there with him - he'd have me at his mercy - he knew my vulnerabilities and wanted to be the one to rid me of all my shining qualities - that were potentially threatening to his ego. A good challenge - one worthy his attention. ------ Beware of narcissists! ------ Read up on them so you won't be taken by surprise......as that's probably the very first thing they'll take advantage of - using the element of surprise! You should make a point of knowing how to spot them.....'before' they start working on you.

Anyway Liss, it all comes back down now - to letting it all go.....it was just a mistake - an error of judgement. Not the dream that could have come true. Or any cause to doubt one's own self-worth. Just another lesson, to learn from and grow from.

There are plenty of people who are sincere - like yourself - who don't want to play any fancy games with your head, or your heart.....and that includes guys! Many of whom are just wanting to meet someone like you. 🙂

I hope you are now feeling well and just thankful that you can now put it all behind you.....and enjoy life at least a little more than you ever could before.

Hoping too Liss, that you're getting on alright about your school book. My fingers are crossed!

Always take care & keep well.....and I'll trust that you'll be good. ((big hug))

Love, LA Rosa

February 10, 2004
3:27 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Here's some info on the relationships
- it's just an outline to give you an idea.....

Willie was just a few months old when I left his dad. I thought it would be better for Willie not to be brought up in an unhappy home. I got a little place for the two of us - and then a couple of weeks later, daddy moves in two doors down the road....to my disbelief! He told me it was the only place he could find that was close to work!!

Because my health wasn't the greatest at times (epilepsy after being in a road accident when I was twelve), it meant that if I'd had a bad seizure - my ex husband would offer to help me out if Willie went over to him. Willie and his dad had a good' relationship. Dad wasn't as involved as you'd think he would be though - seeing Willie once every few weeks - he did become the cricket coach where Willie was learning (at the park around the corner) and they had a lot of fun together and were close.

When Willie was in his early teens the relationship with dad started to fall away....and Willie got more involved with his grandfather(my dad) - seeing him every week without fail - as they'd always gotten on very well together.

Willie grew to not have much interest in his dad - and by the time he was leaving for America - he'd already wanted nothing more to do with him at all. That's how it stands.

As my ex huband is now the owner of what was once my home, he has agreed to let me live here.....when I returned to NZ, after the year with my cousin.....when I was just about having a nervous breakdown.

As my son was holding the money from the sale of the property (home) that my ex huband bought from me.....it means that I am back in my old room again......and ex husband is in Willie's room.....and he expects a little 'sexual favour' now and then. So I'm able to save a little from living here - whereas I wouldn't know how I'd manage - since Willie has not returned my money back to me.....nor contacted me as yet!

I thought it would be a good idea to stay where I am for the time being - until I can be more confident about supporting myself.

Willie's dad is not someone I can talk to.....we are on different wave lengths. He is always running down Willie - when I should bring up his name - so I prefer not to get into it with him.....at least while I am living here. He knows how I feel about Willie.....and I don't appreciate listening to his smug opinions. He showed very little interest in helping me find his own son.......and that is because he doesn't really care. I don't intend to be here too much longer. Now that I know where Willie is - he hasn't been quite so smug - but aggitated. Willie's dad is so emotionally void - it's just not funny.

Nice to see you reading on the other thread liss! Be well. CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 10, 2004
8:59 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Hope you've managed to get rid of your headache by now liss - and are feeling a lot better.

This business of getting your book, does sound quite complicated.....all your effort will be well worth it, in the end.

Being friends sounds like where you and 'C' both missed out on at the start. No need to rush anything.... just take your time......without pressure. To really be friends, could make all the difference.....even if it doesn't go any further. I'm hoping it will all go well for you - liss - and that you don't ever forget how very special you really are.

One thing about friends is that they try and understand each other - and are very willing to make allowances for one another.....

Be a friend - the rest will follow.
Be well liss.....CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 11, 2004
1:10 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss

1/ Yes - my ex huband moved two doors down the road. I didn't want him living so close to us (Willie & me).

2/ Fortunately I'm on medication that controls my condition -- I don't have seizures anymore......as long as I take my pills.

3/ Willie wants nothing more to do with his dad.

4/ I sold my home to my ex husband.

5/ Willie has not returned the money from the sale of it. He was just about to do so..... when, he stopped communicating!

6/ I don't have to like him - to be cordial. There are no pretences about the fact that there is no love. I needed somewhere to stay - and he doesn't mind me being here.... Even though it makes me feel ashamed of myself - I am familiar with it. I never anticipated being let down by my son....he knew how much I needed the money from the sale of the property.....it was all I had. I only get a small ammount to live on...... so at least here I am safe. I'm starting to feel a bit stronger now, after the ordeal with my cousin. I must work out how I'm going to manage when I leave. It's not that I like being here.....but it has taken me some time to get my head back on my shoulders again. It makes my ex husband feel very powerful and important having me here......he doesn't push the limits though..... and I am almost immune to him. I am not immune though to the voices in my hesd that keep reminding me that I need to get away. It's very hard for me to get my head around that one.

I do think I'm a very nice person - but I am finding it very hard to cope......I am withdrawing from the real world because of that. I wish I had the answer - if there is one.

7/ I don't cook for him.

8/ There is only one bathroom - but we don't use it at the same time.

9/ He is emotionally void - because he is obsessed with money. Everything comes done to $$$$ and so he comforts himself in the knowledge that he has saved a lot of the stuff - by not being involved in relationships...... and working as much as he can. If he didn't work as much - it would be very difficult for me to use he TV screen - to be able to use my little computer and be in contact with yourself and others.

My present issues could not be tackled earlier because I was getting over the other things that had happenned - consecutively - and also the psychological effects of being a person who has faced a lot of negative social stigma and financial dependence. However, I think I've done quite well under the circumstances....and always kept on trying to maintain a healthy interest in learning about - and wanting to contribute something towards - the benefit of the human race.....and that desire has saved me from sinking into deep despair.

Willie has always come first - and always will. That's how I came to give hand him the money in the first place - when he told me about an idea he had, that we could both be involved in together. I wanted to let him know, that just because I had future plans with my cousin - I didn't want him to think for one minute that I was abandoning him.

So as you can see, a lot has happenned in the past couple of years that has left me without my son (at present), without my life's savings and without the man I thought I was going to be so happy with - also my heath going down to an all time low. That's why it's only natural to expect it to take a little time......before moving into the next era!

Love, La Rosa

February 11, 2004
12:32 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Back Again liss.....

Yes - we're having some interesting mis-cues tonight! My hands are up and I take full responsibility!:) However, now you know why I wasn't wanting to say much about me......it was just so complicated! Now it's out though.... and you can see that the issues I am facing haven't been neglected so much - as that I was just requiring some recuperation time. I really did need some!

I'm so pleased that you and 'C' are communicating on friendly terms.... and it's so nice to know also, that you're showing some interest in playing chess. I showed my cousin how to play - and the games we played together were always good fun - and filed in - 'the nicer memories I have of him' filer. 🙂 'What's for you - Won't go by you.'......just means that - if is meant to be, it will be.

Here's hoping your headache has now gone.....and you are well. 🙂 CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 12, 2004
4:57 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Oh that is so goooood! You've got the book at last! Thank goodness for that! How could you even do the basics - never mind the homework - without the book? It was a bit of a struggle getting it.....but you got there! 🙂 Well done liss!!

Yes - and the more he works, the more I like it too! That's when I can relax and reconnect with my essential self... get back to feeling like my real self again. I think that I've some ingrained, negative thinking patterns, about myself in particular, that need to be corrected - in order for me to move on with my life in a possitive way. Thankfully - I do have a few good positive thinking patterns as well - that seem to come to my rescue.....so there is plenty of hope. Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.....it CAN be done.....and I WILL do it! That's because I know it can be done.....and that I AM doing it. Fact. Now that I know my son is 'alright', it has freed up my mind to refocus on what I need to do. One of those things are to send Willie - either a letter or a card - c/o where he works.....and know he'll at least get it. He obviously needs to know certain things - from me. So he will know.... ASAP. The time has come!

My health is good and I just have to tolerate the system here for just a little longer - and then face it on my own. "I would like to be independent......with a little help from my friends." When you live in an oppressive prison though - it doesn't always feel like an option. You need to find the key.....wherever it may be hiding. You're pretty close with how you pictured me - liss, in some sort of hospital environment - except it was actually more like a prison... a self made one that is!

What is all this about Cuban people? Are they being discriminated against - or something? I'm not sure if I've picked you up right on that one? I didn't realise that - if that's the case. I can see I need to do my homework.

Have a good day & Be Well.

Love, LA Rosa

February 13, 2004
2:35 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Thanks for explaining about the discrimination that goes on in Cuba....and now I do get it! It really must have been some good joke!

At certain times, c/o is a very appropriate way of addressing an envelope.....c/o is what you put in front of an address - c/o Willie's Work Address - when you believe that it'll reach the person to whom you're sending it to.....it means 'care of'. The the people who handle the mail where he works will give it to him.....or else it'll be writen 'not at this address' or 'return to sender' on the envelope. I do hope he gets it and will respond.

As far as the privacy goes - liss - it mostly depends on the shift my ex husband works - it's called a 'continental shift' - which means that one week there is work and the next week is depending on any overtime.....and it alternatives from day-shift to night-shift. I have some other things that require some privacy as well - as I do try to keep as detached as I possibly can, so that he doesn't know my personal business..... and it's a matter of self-respect! I may go as far as to say that he is obsessed with me - as he has never been interested in any other woman since he met me - and I would say it is because he thinks of me as someone who can be taken advantage of. We have never really loved one another. I didn't really know what it was all about at seventeen....and he is more concerned with his money to feel emotionally involved with people. Of course I feel the shame of it - and have felt this way ever since the time when I became dependent on his 'assistence' a long time ago.....when the only way he wanted me to show my appreciation and gratitude was in 'S'.....no frills. This was never supposed to happen - and circumstances played a part as usual.....and are a bit complicated. He is an opportunist who has always thought of me in terms as being his best opportunity - nothing personal.....and I wish I hadn't felt the need to marry him in the first place - I was so naieve & and very confused. He is six years older than me and I was only sixteen when I accepted his proposal of marriage.....just out of high school. That's why I advise you to not be in any big rush - you have plenty of time to learn all about intimate relationships......and yourself.

Take good care & Be Well.

Love, LA Rosa

February 13, 2004
4:24 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

First and foremost - What's the story on the book? Have you got any idea on how you're going to get it? There must be a way! Have you spoken to your teacher about it? There may be a spare one floating around somewhere! Even if it's just until you get one of your own. Your teacher will understand how important it is for you to have one......ASAP! Under the circumstances, I can see why you wouldn't be looking forward to going to school......but do keep paying attention in class. You may be surprised to find out that you will be able to get your book.....and then you may wish you'd been taking in as much as you could. Tha's only if you have been thinking that there was no point to it though! What does your Mum & Dad think about it all? What does Christian think about it? Maybe he could think of a way. Could it be paid up weekly perhaps? You know, hire purchase. I'm just suggesting these incase you've missed something because of the stress you've been feeling recently.

Is this book especially for this term (I think you may call that a semester) at school....or for the whole year?!

I must go for now.....my mother will be trying to phone me and won't be able to get through on the telephone
- if I stay on-line. So bye-bye for now - liss - and I do hope you're feeling alright. By the way - liss - it's good to see you haven't lost your great sense of humour! We need to keep that! I thought 'The Answering Service at the Mental Institute.' was very witty. 🙂 CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 16, 2004
7:58 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

How have you been keeping? Are you any closer to having an answer to the problem about getting your school book....I really do hope so. It's such a shame for you - and I wish I could do more to help.

Over the past couple of days I've been writing and rewriting letters to Willie.....and found it a lot more draining than I ever thought it would be. I'm so relieved that it's on it's way!

Yes liss, my two ex's do have a few things in common Liss - they both thought that they want to dominate me - they are both very jealous types - neither of them really cared/cares about who I am as a person - they both like to control.....and some other things as well. My cousin is much more that way inclined, than ever my ex husband was.....

At the moment the worse thing is that I'm considering I may have Avoident Personality Disorder. It would certainly explain a few things.

My typing is a lot quicker than it used to be - and that was all down to taking your good advice liss (but I'm still cheating a bit)......so thanks very much for that. It's making a big difference already!

Hoping that you're taking good care & hoping you are well.

Love, LA Rosa

February 18, 2004
12:28 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MY Dear Liss! - Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and most important message - although the circumstances are very confusing - and I cannot imagine what could've gone wrong between you and S.C.?! I'll certainly keep my eyes peeled for you.....as soon I can find out what and where 'messenger'is.

Know too liss, that your friendship is treasured also.....it has been such a joy to know you. This has come as all so very sad, and I do hope I'll find my way back to you. I won't give up!

Whatever happens in the future though liss, please try and always remember that you do already have your self respect - and don't settle for any guy - who cannot appreciate and love you for just who you are - who is very thoughtful and generous of spirit, and also extremely loving and lovable. There are many guys who would just love to meet you LISS..... who would show you all the respect that you could ever hope for - and come as a surprise to even you yourself. Don't ever think for a moment that it couldn't happen. One thing is for sure - it won't make any difference what length your hair is - short or long. Anyway, I bet you look just fine with your hair cut short.....and could be just what it was needing to get it back to it's best.

As far as that English text book goes - I cannot understand how any teacher would stand by, knowing that you're without the required book. Is it at all possible to photocopy perhaps? It was just a thought that came to mind - and I know it would depend on the size of the book, and the cost involved in using the photocopier, and getting a loan of the book to copy from.....could that be possible though.....you may only need a certain ammount copied - as maybe you'll get the book in a little while. If you could get a loan of a book at times or ideally over the weekend perhaps, would it be possible to actually type it out. Yet again Liss - it's only another suggestion that I'm not sure is feasible - but may just help until you can get one. It would be such a terrible shame to allow this golden opportunity to improve on your English, to be so wasted. If you have any ideas at all of your own - liss - don't quickly dismiss them without first giving them a good checking out..... you may be a lot closer than you think! Don't give up! It is worth it to do the very best you can - and I know how easy it may seem to you for me to say -BUT- it is something that is very important - and needs to be resolved...... I really do hope that I will catch up with you again - in the not too distant future - and find out that you kept trying as much as you could - and hopefully there will be a good end result. At least you will know that you gave it your best shot......and that must make you feel better. After listening to myself - liss - I too will put in more effort and start trying a little harder..... for it is when we stop trying that we feel so much more helpless. Bad way to be - it's like you said about the typing, when you keep on looking at the keys - you cheat yourself! If you give up without a fight - you cheat yourself too. I would never have found Willie if I had done that.....and I would always feel that there must have been something else I could have done.....so I found out what it could be - even though it took some time. Once you're satisfied that there is nothing that you can do - then keep it in the back of your mind, that this is just one semester and you have others yet to come - that will not be as difficult as this one. So you can only do the best you can under the circumstances. They can change.....and when they do you'll be able to appreciate it and be glad that you did your best when the odds were against you. That is most deserving of a lot of respect. All that you can do is your best - no-one can expect anyone to do more than that.

All my very best wishes are with you now - LISS - so TAKE GOOD CARE of yourself ....and don't you give up! Hoping to see you again!

LOVE, LA Rosa

February 20, 2004
7:06 pm
Avatar
silence
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't get zits often. But when I do, they are always in the most annoying and painful spots. I think the worst ones are the ones inside the nose. Could that be the problem?

February 21, 2004
5:58 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!!

It's a nice surprise to see you here again! You understand?

btw the Microsoft. NET Passport no longer supports the Web browser version that I'm using. I would need to upgrade to a current Web browser such as Microsoft Internet Explorer version 4.0 or later. or Netscape Navigator version 4.08 or later. There are always the Internet Cafe`s though.......when I can get to one.

What a terrible time you're having just now...... you are in need of some relief from both your runny nose AND pimples. You have my sympathy. One piece of advise for you is to keep yourself from poking inside you nose......it sounds as though that may be irritating any healing scabbing (if you have a scratch inside your nose)- which will heal up if left alone. Scabs are just to help the healing process and shouldn't be taken away before their ready. So it's best to gently dab your nose - no poking inside.

To help you with your pimple problem,
I have written out some of the information that I thought may be helpful......and if you would like to know more - then just go to http://www.BeautyTipsOnline.com It may mention something that will help you actually get rid of them quicker.... by giving you some good advise on how to treat them. Hope there's something there for you.....

HOW TO GET RID OF PIMPLES.....

Pimples, blemishes & acne are one of the most common skin care complaints, and can be a huge source of embarrassment. Contrary to common belief, this problem is not exclusive to teens and adolescents.
Treatment of pimples is somewhat tricky. Here ars some of the ways for putting a stop to major breakouts - and greatly reduce your discomfort and chance of scarring.

1/ Keep your face clean and don't overscrub it. This will only irritate your skin and make you more prone to to breakouts. Wash your face twice a day with an anti-bacterieial soap, or three times a day for acne prone skin. To avoid aggravating pimples, stay away from harsh soaps and fragrances.

2/ To avoid transferring bacteria and germs, clean your pillowcase, washcloths, towels, make-up brushes and applicators frequently. Try washing your make-up applicators in anti-bacterial soap. Keep your hair clean and out of your face. Along the same line, keep your phone mouthpiece and writing instruments away from your chin and clean them often.

3/ Avoid wearing heavy make-up and always wash it off before going to bed. Use make-up that's specifically designed for your skin type and throw it away after it's expiration date.

4/ Wash your hands frequently and make a conscious effort to avoud touching your face during the daytime hours. This is when you're most likely to do it, and you may not realise that it's a habit.

5/ It's best to keep your anxiety level down and get your beauty rest. When you're under stress, do not neglect your skin care routine. Take the time for preventative maintenance - or your pimples may return with a vengeance.

********

Hope you were able to find your watch and hairbrush liss - I know how frustrating it can be.....but I used to watch my dad at times when something had gone missing - and he would never let it get to him - even if he had looked everywhere....he'd just start looking from the beginning all over again.

Because I have a sore headache it's - Until later liss......take care & hope you're feeling better. CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 22, 2004
7:20 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss

On Valentine's Day I received an absolutely beautiful card from my ex narcissist on the other side of the world. So thoughtful, so touching, so romantic, so sentimental and typically so oblivious to MY feelings! Oh yes - and so perfectly timed. I can see that I'm going to have to spell out to him - the reality of US. That is something he just doesn't get - it's all about the 'reality' of him. Although the actual card was just perfect - it was not the nice surprise that I wished it could've been.....and brought it all back - how it would've effected me, 'before' I knew that he was a narcissist. So I had a little smile as I remembered how madly in love I was.......with an enigma. The most beautiful enigma there ever was!! Apart from that, it was just a bit sad, as I realised that he never loved me at all. Some Valentine's Day.....but that's what happenned.

Do you think I should tell him about his problem.....being a narcissist? I don't really know. I suppose I should - but then I wonder......I think I should. It won't be easy.

Be well - liss - and find something that you can smile about today - I will. 🙂 BBFN

Love, LA Rosa

February 22, 2004
8:23 am
Avatar
Wanttobewell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Liss,,,Believe it or not, I'm 50 and still have very oily skin and breakouts. I buy benzoyl peroxide over-the-counter, and that works well. I'm not sure about the wrinkle theory. I'll let you know on that one in a few years. I didn't have a problem at all as a teenager, only when I hit my early 20's, and then I developed acne. It got so bad I ended up going to a dermatologist. I had to take some sort of antibiotic (can't remember the name, but it was cheap), and use the benzoyl peroxide. You couldn't get it over-the-counter in those days. Maybe you could give the benzoyl peroxide a try!!! W.

February 22, 2004
6:19 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Here is a way to wash your face without getting it unduly wet. If you either tie it back or clasp it back or pin it back - or use a hair net or shower cap - whatever/ however - the secret is in having it back first. Find a way for you - otherwise you're not doing yourself any favours...... and you will have more pimples than you would have if you followed the basics.

Let me give you an example of not doing the basics first......For about 10 years or so, I had an ear infection - in both ears - that I was taking medication for.....but it would never go away. Although the cream did help to reduce the itching and the scaly skin on the outside of my ear - the drops did not get rid of the internal infection. One day I told my doctor that I wanted to see a specialist because no matter what I tried - the infection didn't heal. The specialist told me that the reason it wouldn't go away, was because nothing would have worked untl first I had all the gunk taken out of my ears using a vacuum method. No more water syringe method - as that was caused the infection in the first place - for whatever reason, not all the water had dried up inside, and had gotten covered by some ear wax that had was trapped inside my ear for years! Nothing would have worked - until I had gotten rid of those tiny drops of water that were trapped there. The specialist prescibed something that I'd already tried in the past - without success. My doctor had the audacity to say "But I prescibed that once!' Even doctors can find it difficult to admit when they get it wrong. All those year of suffering what I thought must be a permanent condition.....and then 'just like that' it was all better. Never had any trouble again - although I do have that same medication to use now and then - like about every other month or so. So basics are basics - and need to be understood as requisite.

Point being - that if you want to help the pimple problem you really need to find a way of washing your face effectively. Requisite. If the Neutogena soap that you're using sounds very good - and if it is an anti-bacterial type - great! That's what you need right now - otherwise
try and get the anti-bacterial type as soon as is possible.

It could also be a good idea to try a benzoyl peroxide cleanser once a day. No matter which way it's applied - in cream, wash or ointment form, the oxygen in benzoyl peroxide kills the bacteria and maybe you should really reconsider using it....because basically, blemishes are clogged pores consisting of dead skin cells, oil secreted by tiny sebaeou glands in the skin, and bacteria feasts on oil the way cats gobble up fish.

Another thing to reconsider is this poking around - do you realise that by doing that, you may be bursting any pimples that are there? That is bad news for trying to get rid of them....popping a pimple, while tempting, only spreads the inflamation, making matters worse. Some women benefit by taking an anti-inflammatory like aspirin - one to two 325 milligram tablets four times a day - until the swelling goes down. If you're sensitive to aspirin, you could try using 'ibuprofen' instead - but discontinue either drug after two days if you see no improvement. Seeing as how we're on the subject - in the hope that it will help. Have you tried wrapping an ice cube in a flannel or tea towel, and then holding it to the pimple for about five minutes - as soon as you feel one developing, right at the beginning? Cooling it will decrease some of the inflammation - says a doctor.

Since as how I just about always use an anti-bacterial soap - I do think it has meant a large reduction in pimples for me - but then again - is it because my skin has become dryer - I expect it is a combintion of both - but I do believe the anti-bacterial soap has been a help.

Just before I go - liss - when you are feeling down and feel that things will never get better - remind yourself that the more you think like that - instead of telling yourself that it can and 'will' get better.... you are cheating.... it can and it WILL get better.... just try making it easier on yourself - by first accept that it will....even if you're not sure how! I'm not sure why that is - liss - but it does make a difference - I guess it helps to motivate us when we have so little light at the end of the tunnel - BUT there is an end to the tunnel and there is light there as well - naturally. 🙂

That's all for now - liss - so until next time - let me just leave you with a silly little joke.....

Q. "How many counselors does it take to change a light-bulb?"

A. "Only ONE - but the light-bulb has to want to go on." 🙂

Love, LA Rosa

February 23, 2004
4:27 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

You know you've really got to ask yourself if you want to get on top of the pimple problem - or - if it doesn't really matter all that much. Most people get their hair a little bit wet when they wash their face - so if you've got some shorter hairs that still get wet after you've tied it back - throw a mesh hair net over your hair....and then wash your face! Do you think it is worth it? If you keep on scratching pimples and not washing your face enough - then as I've said before liss - you're not doing yourself any favours. This is your decision - one way or the other - just stop and think about how you will be - if you take steps to clear 'them' up....and then think how you will be if you don't. Habits are to be broken - if you want to break them......that certainly includes scratching pimples. I used to bite my fingernails for years - up until I was sweet sixteen - then I suddenly realised that if I kept on biting them, I would never be able to have long beautiful nails that I could put nail polish on, and look much more glamourous. In those days they didn't have the ones that you can stick on. Would you believe it - suddenly I stopped biting my nails! I used to bite them without thinking about it as well.

You'd never have thought that a simple ear infection could go on for so long - but because the water had become encapsulated by ear wax it didn't dry up and was the reason why the infection didn't go away. It wasn't very long after that I decided to change doctors. Instead of saying "Oh yes, I should've known as much - I should've gotten you to have your ears vacuum sucked....and I'm sorry for not doing so." All she did was look at me as though I had not been taking the medication that she prescibed years ago. There was no way she was going to take responsibilty for it! Bad doctor!

The narcissist is like that as well - he never took responsibilty for those things that he put me through.....and he did put me through 'it' - although I do remember once - that I confronted him in an outright lie that he thought he would get away with - when he actually admitted that he had hit me - but then quickly gave some 'reason' for it. He didn't get my agreement on that one however. He said it was because I was out of control - making such a noise that the neighbours would get the wrong idea - so he had to do it to bring me back to my senses! What actually happenned was that I refused to stay with him any longer in the lounge, because I could see that he was going to be too much for me to cope with - and so I confidently-ish excused myself by saying that I wanted to just go to bed. Five minutes later he was in the bedroom and violent. I had refused to let him control the situation by leaving. I was supposed to always stay with him for as long as he 'needed' me for company. I had defied his sense of getting what he wanted when he wanted it. So when you get a VD card from someone like that - you can be sure there is more to it than meets the eye. Even now though - I would find it very difficult to explain to him what it was like for me, while I was with him. The only time I was into speaking my mind with him - was when I was madly in love with him - before I went over to be his.....'prisoner'.

So look after yourself liss - and be good. 🙂 CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 24, 2004
2:28 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Liss!

The first paragraph was just to try and emphisise how important it is to get your pimple problem under control. It was deliberately meant to be serious. It sounds as though there are a few things that you could do to improve the situation - and I know it can take a little while to get used to new habits - and hope that you see some improvement soon. You must realise that scratching those pimples are only going to get worse if you continue doing so......and that not washing your face is also not going to help either. I hope you find a way to do at least those two things - for your own sake - and don't put it off until it gets worse.

That's a good example of being protective. It wouldn't be protective if I were making you feel that you had to do it - because if you didn't I would call you an ugly, stupid, etc etc etc.....and let you know that you weren't showing me the kind of respect that I deserve - and I would then insist that you do it - to prove that you really do love, trust, honour and respect me, unconditionally - nothing to do with pimples BUT because you had to understand that if it was not done there would be big trouble - and you were not going to be the winner - and you would be expected to do it without a second thought - and let me know how wise and astute I was for thinking of it in the first place - and that you've never known anyone so intelligent as me before - and you would never dare scratch those pimples ever again - because that would let me know that you were just playing some kind of game to hurt my feelings, deliberately annoy me and challenge my authority! Now that is just the beginning of the difference - between protectiveness and the need for total control that 'some' narcissists display. Btw that wasn't such a good example, because the narcissist probably wouldn't care less about you anyway - not unless it was in order to keep you alive and making him feel important and dominantly superior. He didn't want me to look too good either - and was always going on about how handsome and young and attractive to women he was - and that I should be more grateful to be the one he had chosen. So apart from the first week when he flaunted me around, to show me off! He told me that I had to learn how to fit in to the culture - that men would think I was a whore, or a slut, or wasnting it, or just about anything that implied that I had no class.....and he didn't wan't to have to be putting guys down - and he didn't want to serve time for killing anyone - including me! Wasn't I the lucky one!!

Here is a true life example - I wanted to go to the library. He says one day we will go together - as it should be. (the library is about 600yards away) He is never wanting to go to library. I say that I would like to go on my own. He says that it is too dangerous - that I could get lost - that some guy will fancy me and take me away - or I could be mugged or something - or that I'm not intending to go to the library at all - have I met someone behind his back? - am I going out to get sex? - f*****g slut! etc etc ....I say that I know where the library is and remind him that it isn't far away and that I'll be looking forward to seeing him when I get back, in a little while. He says just you dare! If you think you're going to be coming and going whenever you feel like it - think again! If you go out this door, you won't be getting back in again....... It doesn't feel very protective to me - 'it' is very possessive - paranoid - threatening and intimidating - insulting and humiliating - controlling and manipulating - isolating and physically and emotionally draining - not to forget the times when I'm almost too afraid to breath with fear that he is going to 'snap' and just kill me.....regardless of saying that he didn't ever wan't to do so - who knows what he is capable of doing when he gets going. So I sit attentively, looking submisively and admiringly at this 'person' I thought I once knew and loved. Just out of curiosity - liss - do you think you would've ever scratched your pimples again if he told you that it was forbidden? Just joking - but I'm sure you get the point! 🙂 You can stop scratching them if you really put your mind to it. Anyway, this nercissist (and that is only my opinion after reading up on them) was/is an expert manipulator and much much, much much more! There was really no comparison between over-protectiveness and what this was - not at all!! He must've thought it sounded good though. In answer to your question - was/is he a masochist? NO......but I expect he thought I was.....for that was an area loaded with humiliation, as I took care of his needs.....while he was having erectile problems - due to stress. Thankfully he was on medication for his stress - but even when there was no reason to be stressful - he'd find a 'reason' to be. So did that shoot the stress excuse theory up in smoke?.....or was he genuinely always under stress? Even when he was in the midst of one of his affectionate moods - the stress level was quietly simmering - and there was no way I could guage when it was going to come to the boil......and that is STRESS! No wonder I was starting to look haggard.

It amazed me though, how he could expect me to take this maltreatment - but I guessed that he was just waiting for the time when I would 'lose my cool' and expose my true colours, and give him the perfect opportunity/ies to get much more physically abusive - which was always a threat anyway. Every morning I reminded myself that this wouldn't be forever.....and to do my very best not to get him 'upset'! If he asked me to jump - I was to ask how high. I certainly didn't fall in love with 'him'!! Any signs that were shown to me before I went over to be with him, were obviously deliberately well disguised.

Yes liss, I'm sure I'll visit the thread that you mentioned as soon as I can.....we will undoubtedly have much in common. I have actually been considering what the best advice to give would be.....

I'm sorry about your essay - liss - and have put it down to not having the book - do you thin that's the reason? Have you thought about how you're going to improve on your next one? Don't forget that you can always ask for some assistance for your schoolwork here as well - i'm sure there are many very intelligent caring people who would just be too glad to help you understand whatever may be causing you concern and/or confusion. 🙂

Take care and be good CU - must go

Love, LA Rosa

February 25, 2004
8:06 pm
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss

I do feel for the poor little girl - without her mommy - that's so sad - and so hard for children to recover from. It always makes me wonder how a mother can just abandon her child. I guess in some cases there would be some mothers who may actually think it is in the child's best interest - to just leave completely - but it is still so very sad for the little ones....... My brother's ex wife never got over her mother leaving her when she was just around three years of age. I don't know how much her aggressive and controling behaviour could be put down to that......but I'm sure it would've played a part - and very unfortunately, she never did get over it!

There are a couple of things about benzoyle peroxide that you may want to know about - and then I promise I'll leave you to it. Products containing BP or 'salicylic acid' dry out pimples (blemishes) so that they go away faster. BP, in particular, can irritate the skin. Maybe a product with SA would be better for you? To combat breakouts naturally, here are some self-care measures that I found in a 'Prevention' book for women.

Make sure that you get a product that contains the mildest 2.5 percentage of BP. "The biggest mistake that women make is to buy too strong a product, it can burn their skin." says Dr.Kronberg."Apply a very small amount - to your enire face once a day, every day, preferably at night. If you find the creams too drying , use a benzoyl peroxide cleanser once a day, it kills the bacteria without drying your face too much. Use your hands rather than a face cloth to avoid aggravating inflammation."

If you haven't got any BP that's any good, then perhaps you may have some calamine lotion handy - liss - it is said that putting some of that on your face at night could help to reduce the itching and also help in the healing process - as long as you can wash it off very gently in the morning.....warm water is recommeded to avoid aggravating those P's any more than they already are. When they get to the stage when they're bleeding it really does mean that you need to help them heal up - to avoid scarring and help to prevent it happenning in the future. So - liss - I just hope that you see the effects of your efforts as having made a very good difference.... and don't give up if it takes a little bit longer than you first thought it would, you could be nearly there.

I know what it's like to not get a good grade at school and how much more acceptible I felt when I got a good one - but I think that as long as you can feel happy, with the effort you have made - under whatever circumstances you were under at the time, that will allow you to pick up again when the circumstances become more realistically student-friendly, and let you feel much more optimistic about raising your own personal standard. So all the best - liss - for your next essay and so much more besides.

Oh Yes, 'that guy' is never to blame for anything - everything is always someone else's fault - in his opinion. If only people could be as nice as he is, the world would be a better place! (Oh yeah?) I decided not to contact him - but it doesn't feel right - I really would love to just tell him that he is a bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep ect low-life con-artist ..... who obviously neede someone to put him in his place!! That's what I might still just do yet! I'm soooo ANGRY grrrr!! Funnily enough though - it actually feels really good!? So maybe he's finally going to see, some of the not so good, Ms Good Girl after all. ;))

As always liss - be well and TC.

Love, LA Rosa

February 28, 2004
5:18 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi liss!

Gee I wish I could get rid of those pimples for you - what a pain they are! I was just checking the retin-A out cause I didn't realise that it was for pimples as well as being great for wrinkles - and yes it can be very good for them. It brings them all up to the surface where they can heal - so it takes a few weeks before you see the benefit of it - it sounds as though it will help to avoid big breakouts by keeping the skin pores unclogged of dead skin cells. I don't know how expensive it is - but it isn't the kind of stuff that you need to overdo anyway - so it may really be worth trying it out. In the meantime though, just try to keep your hands off - etc. You'll feel so much better when you see them being cleared up.

When I think of how very 'clever' my little narcissist was in hooking me into believing that he was everything I'd ever wished for in a man - and then expect me to accept just about the complete opposite.....it lets me know that he was just manipulating me all along - so he could then control me. It's very sad that he isn't the guy that I fell in love with - he is a manipulator and controller who only wanted to use me for his own purposes - no tears for him - he is a low-life sicko, who wanted to take me to pieces - disect me for his main purpose in life - maintaining his ego! He is a predator who was wanting to strip me of my identity - crush my spirit - not love and care for me. It's hard to believe people can be so heartless like that - but unfortunately there are some. I'm just so very disappointed that he is one of them - so any tears will only be because he wasn't who I had thought he was - but not for him. If I had known what he was really like I wouldn't have had any more to do with him at all. Sometimes it's good to just get angry and get it out of your system. Even though I now know how these guys operate - I never thought that I could have been so gullible......geeez! You live and learn.

Sorry you didn't get the result you would've liked on the math test - liss - a shame you couldn't get that last one in - and you won't make that mistake with the x=0 again. There was certainly some bad luck there alright. I'm sure you'll be able to improve on that next time......yes?! The other guy sounds very interesting - liss - Do you think perhaps he would like to talk maths with you? 😉

Enjoy your weekend and be well. CU

Love, LA Rosa

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
35
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111118
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38715
Posts: 714564
Newest Members:
Marek, ssdchemical33, jack1palmer, SURUMANQ, petersmith98, ChristenD
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information