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i'm not having a good day Today (liss)
January 25, 2004
1:50 am
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LA Rosa
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Hi liss!

Finally back again - it's been one of those days when you are interrupted a lot....

Yes liss, there is quite a lot that goes on in dreams....and although they can be very confusing at times, it's good to have dreams....they can help us understand a lot about ourselves. We are probably meant to have them for a few reasons.

I thought I'd let you know about my cousin - liss - sinse you have asked, but also because I would like you to know me better too. It's just skimming the surface though - and even then it's just the basics....but it's a beginning.

My cousin only came on the scene at the beginning of 2002 (New Years Day) and for him it was New Years Eve (because of the time gap). I hadn't communicated with any of my relatives because after leaving Scotland at only five, with my Mum & Dad and brothers and sister...I just lost touch. So when I phoned to wish him a 'Happy New Year', I was hoping it would be a very nice surprise for him, and I was wanting to make it a time to get to know some of my long lost family. It turned out that he was delighted to hear from me, and knew who I was within only a few seconds. I had only said, "Hello ***, it's Rose here." when he said almost immediately, "Not THE Rose? Is that my little cousin Rose? It's so good to hear from you! How have you been?!" Well I guess I wasn't quite prepared for that.....and I felt as though we were real close, and felt as if I really knew him. Oh yes, and he was soo nice and soo cool as well, and he thought I was just the greatest person alive! (The truth is that he thinks HE is the greatest person alive - but I didn't know that at the time) He sent me the most romantic emails that you could ever imagine....and we had many long telephone calls that lasted for hours. As I had never been back to my birthplace for a holiday, circumstances made it so very easy to do so. My son had already gone abroad, and had actually been to Scotland and met his other relations as well. Even my son had told me on the phone, that he thought **** seemed to be a very nice person, but said that he hadn't spent a lot of time with him. Although I had a return airfare ticket - it was never used - and it was no holiday - and I never met the other members of my family. My privacy was practcally non-existant - I didn't dare use the telephone because he had a recording gismo, and I was expected to do what I was told. Without going through it all - liss - just believe me when I say that it was no dream come true ......it a nightmare! Survival was all I really thought about - no routine that I could get into either, as he was the one who made all the decisions - mine were never any good - except the ones that were so trivial and unimportant.... like: "Do you think it's a good time to close the windows?" 'Walking on eggshells'....puts it very well. He was always the one who knew best - and I was always the one who didn't know any better, and had to learn from him. He told me that he was my mentor! Anyway, I was in that situation for a whole year - and I'm still getting over the effects of it today.....but I am going to get over it. These things can just take a little bit of time, and every day is
a step closer to recovery.

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your girlfriend - liss - she was so young and I'm sure you must miss
her so much. She had a good friend in you.

Still I do not know what messenger is? I can only guess. It sounds very interesting though - and I'm wondering why I am expected to know. It must be so very obvious....but obviously not to me. Sorry about that as well - perhaps it is an American thing that I am unfamiliar with..... I only know about the threads here for communicating - am I missing something liss? Please don't say forget it - when I don't know what it is? Please let me know what it is? Just remember that I have lots to learn. So I hope you can understand
that I do want to know you better and that you are so very special, and have a heart of gold. Many people can recognise that - liss - and it's especially important for you to as well. Be well and take care - liss - CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 25, 2004
8:12 am
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acj
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Messenger is a way of instant messaging someone. AOL and Yahoo have Messengers. I'm sure there are others. It works like a walkie-talkie so that you can talk to one person privately or a group of people in "real time"...

January 25, 2004
3:13 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Hi Lisset,,,,I just wanted to drop in and say hello and tell you that I hope you're having better days now,,,
W.

January 25, 2004
6:17 pm
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Thank You - acj - for giving me your consideration in explaining about the 'messenger' system. I think I may have heard someone mention it before, but had no idea what it was really about. Much appreciated!

Thank You too - liss - on your explanation that lets me know more on the subject. I can see I'm going to be checking out the internet place that I'm involved with, to see if they've got 'messenger' also.:) I'm still a beginner when it comes to the internet....but gradually picking it up - bit by bit! 'Messenger' sounds quite sophisticated - so I'll see if this 'computer' has actually got the capability to opperate 'Messenger', cause I'm not really sure if I can do that as yet.

What a lovely surprise - liss! - and you have touched me yet again! This time by your beautiful suggestion. It would be very nice for us to do that..... and I'm sure that we'd learn a lot from and about each other. I don't know if you have given some consideration to the fact that I am over thirty years older than you..... and I'm a lot slower on the keyboard than you are! Maybe that is going to change when I don't have it balancing on my lap.:) There is a very good possibility that I will be going to use a computer without the restrictions that this one has - sometime later in the year.

As I am going over to see my Mother this afternoon, so I'd better start getting ready pretty soon. That means I'll be cutting this much shorter than I would've liked to - and won't cover it all. My cousin though was in Scotland when I contacted him - that was about forty-five years after I had ever seen him or spoken to him.....he had not hurt me in any way. It was when I went over and stayed with him, that all the problems began - he was not the way I had imagined him to be - nothing like it! I believe he had enticed me over - manipulated me - so that he could control me! I didn't realise he had a mental disorder and that I was putting myself into a dangerous situation. Must really go now liss.

Be well - take care - and you be good too - 🙂 CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 26, 2004
7:24 pm
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Hi liss!

I'm hoping that you're feeling much better within yourself - and that your days are beginning to become brighter - and finding that you're now getting back in touch with some of the joy in your life. That is what I hope for you.....to be feeling well within yourself. That would also mean you'd be taking care of yourself. Have you found something for your skin complaint as yet?....or has it cleared up on it's own?

My time with my mother yesterday, was very enjoyable for us both, and we phoned my brother in Australia (my
mother and I are in New Zealand). The overseas off-peak phone rates from NZ make phoning overseas very affordable. There are many things I'd like to talk with her about - but it is never the right time - and I know that she'd feel very uncomfortable if I insisted on talking about me..... and so she is happy to share my company - for I am an attentive daughter - who gives her what she misses most of all - attention.

Here is why I didn't know about 'messenger' liss. Christmas 2001 there was a sale on 'Surfboards' - absolutely great for beginners. They're promoted by the 'ihug' internet team, for 'ihug'(one of those one's you don't know about). If you sign a friend up with them for a year - they'll give you one FREE!:) The surfboard doesn't download and it has no sound either. A few days after I was online - I phoned my cousin(by telephone)....and then used ihug surfboard mainly for communicating with cousin. It can store emails. Once I had gone over to Scot(UK) in May 2003 from NZ, could not use surfboard (must be in southern hemisphere)- and I didn't use his computer (that he got on the same day I got mine) because of feeling humiliated for not already knowing all the procedures involved ......but I did get to send some emails to my son. So until I got back to NZ there wasn't very much contact with the internet.... Ihug downloads from AOL - but NOT for 'Surfboards'. So I'm still a beginner - that is probably why I am so genuinely amazed at some of the things I hear that computers can do. The intention was to be already using a 'proper' computer - quite a while ago - but it didn't turn out that way..... and the book 'Beginners Guide to the Internet'.....just had to be shelved - until now. It may not have been ideal, but I don't really think it's what I would call weird!:) - I am just restricted to emails - for now - and looking forward to going up a gear or two....or more! (I'd better start doing my homework) I'm looking forward to it! There are many good things ahead - that are in the making of this very day. Strive to live this day well.

Be well - liss - and be true to yourself. CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 26, 2004
8:03 pm
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LA Rosa
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Back Again Liss!

Just read your last posting liss, and haven't heard from my son as yet. Maybe it would be a good idea to write a letter to him where he is working in America. I've got the phone number too, but would've liked him to want to contact me. Then again, he may think that I'm still in Scotland with a different email address. When I contacted where he works - they have my email address and I left my phone number - which Willie will immediately identify as his own home phne number - before he went to America.

If you were here I think I'd be getting you to do the typing too! 🙂 Not really liss - but you could probably give me a few tips. I like to cross my legs on this chair - that mans that one of my hands ends up having to hold the keyboard.......my right hand is getting better at it - and I'm using three fingers and my thumb. My left hand is begging for more practise.

btw liss - the 'Surfboard' does let me surf the net as well - obviously - otherwise I wouldn't have had the pleasure of being here in the first place. 🙂

Take care and be well. CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 27, 2004
6:01 pm
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Hi liss!

Thank you for your caring about me - it means so much. Through all the communication hicups - that is one thing that is clear - and mutual.

Thanks for the typing tip - it came as a very nice surprise, to let me know your way of doing it.....and without looking? I'm sure your helpful advice on how to improve my speed and accuracy, will be very helpful....and I'll start working on it tonight - using the coffee table - to free up my left hand. When I said that 'I'll get you to do the typing too!" I was really only joking - it was just that you had mentioned doing the typing for your Mum..... but I didn't really mean that I would want you to do it for me - because I want to learn how to do it well myself.....but it is so sweet of you to say that you would - you are very giving and have a lot of beautiful qualities about you.

Please do not concern yourself about me being restricted to emails - that is only because the 'Surfboard" doesn't have the capability to do the things that your usual PC does. It's a couple of years old and was probably designed for beginners, who are looking for an introduction into the internet. I think it is called a 'Surfboard' because it is a keyBOARD for emails - that can SURF the net.....so they call it a SURFBOARD. Hardly anyone has heard of them - so when you say "Surfboard' people have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know if you'll be able to see it online in America - but it is advertised here online under - ihug surfboard. That's one thing I can do - emails - as many of them that my little heart could ever hope for - but restricted to them - only because 'it' doesn't have enough memory for 'messenger' or 'outward express' or some other things that would make a big difference. The time is still restricted at home - I have to share the TV - (the surfboard uses the TV screen) I am not the only one who wants to see the TV - I can't use it whenever I feel like it - but I have my time for being able to use it. So that's fair.

There is one thing that will help your hair a lot - if you're not already using it - and it doesn't sound as though you are. Are you using hair conditioner liss? When you use hair conditioner it stops your hair from getting all tangled up in knots..... so you don't pull out a lot of your hair! It's amazing what a difference it makes - especially for brushing through long hair - and stimulates your scalp and keeps your hair root passages clear - so they won't be clogged up with any dead dry skin - and therefore it improves hair growth as well. So if you're not using it - then you really aught to try it - you can buy it wherever shampoo is sold and it doesn't cost a fortune.

If your skin is just dry - liss - there are plenty of skin moisturisers that can be applied, that will quickly be absorbed into your skin - without you having to stand around in your birthday suit - in the freezing cold! It's the itching that is a bit of a concern - could it be time to see a doctor? Depending on why it is happenning - may also let you know why your skin is so dry. If the itching has also gone into your private place - then I would suggest that you do see the doctor... it could be a womens infection - that is quite common - but just needs some treatment. I'm no doctor - but I know it's not because of the heat! It could be because of many things , but a lot of dead skin that isn't coming off could make you feel very itchy. I think I would try an exfoliation cream with moisturiser......then just a basic moisturiser after the unwanted skin is removed. Please do not take any offense if I'm saying things you already know - It's just incase you don't - and may be helpful. A little word about doctors and medications as well; as much as you don't want to hear any bad news - that you may have something that is bad - if something IS bad, it doesn't make a lot of sense to put off seeing the doctor - because if you don't go it will mean that whatever it is, that is needing professional attention (doctor), is likely to get worse. The sooner the doctor starts treating it - the better. Many people have waited too long before seeing the doctor.....and only wished they'd seen about it sooner. If it turns out to be not serious - you will also know - and have peace of mind.

It's hard for me to tell about the time difference - because I don't know if you have taken 'daylight saving' into consideration - meaning the clocks in New Zealand get put forward by one hour - in summer - so that there is more time to enjoy the sunshine (even though they tell people to be very careful of the high UV (ultraviolet)level of the sun's rays - that cause skin cancer (melanoma). If you have taken the DS into consideration it will indicate where abouts you are in America.

Thanks again - liss - for all your support and hope this posting has cleared up some things that were on your mind - and probably a couple that you'd never thought of. Take good care of yourself. CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 27, 2004
8:08 pm
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Yes liss - that's a really good place to go for finding out times - it's all cleared up and we know that it is the 21hrs difference. It's good to know - and it's out of the way now. Hope you didn't mind me nitpicking?:) Hoping that your day is going well for you.

January 28, 2004
7:29 am
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Hi liss!

I was only wondering about the time to make sure that you'd taken the 'daylight saving' into it - I didn't realise you had it all done very efficiently indeed!:)

Well I've been writing and writing to answer lots of your questions and tell you more about myself - and 'Suefboard' - but I've learned a lesson in the process. Don't overdo it! The whole four hours of putting it together very clearly - froze on me - and ther I was thinking that it couldn't do that because I had disconnected and was able to type, without being online - and the telephone line is open for anyone who is trying to get through. Never mind, it was probably overdone anyway. 🙂 You just have to smile.:)

btw liss - you are so right about the stress maybe being the reason for your hair loss. Worry does it - and that is stress anyway. I wouldn't be thinking of cutting it all off - the best thing, as you know yourself..... is to try and relieve the stress. Then your hair may very well be more the way it used to be. I can't understand why it is so hard to brush. Do you brush from your scalp down to the ends - or do you start near the ends of your hair and gradually work your way up. I always do it from the ends - taking out the little tangles as I get closer to my head - the other way is an ordeal - and painful - and takes a lot longer to do, with less hair left in your head at the end of it. Just thought I'd better mention that - just incase
Why don't you want to wear glasses for driving? When you do wear them - if you need them - then that's more stress relieved. Anyway -liss - you don't really want to sacrfice learning how to drive, just because of glasses. You have to have your eyes tested for driving - so just try to accept that instead of letting it cause you more stress. Do you want to drive? When I was learning how to drive - at the beginning of 2002 - I was wearing glasses too - and it was a wonderful experience for me, because it was something that I'd really wanted to do - but couldn't because I may have had an epileptic seizure! I was in a road accident when I was on my bike at twelve years of age. So to just jump in a car and drive, to wherever I would like to go. Oh yes, don't mind the glasses. I was much better at it than I thought I'd be - with a bit of practice. Before I actually got my licence though - I went to Scotland - thinking that I'd get one not that long after - but that never did eventuate there.... So I'll be going to get mine - when I focus back on it - wearing glasses of course. I was driving all around Auckland with my nice instructor - and it really wasn't as hard as I thought it would be - so I'll be looking forward to that in the future aa well. It is something to look forward to. Don't you think so too?

Thanks liss - but no word as yet from Willie. I'll write to him, I can't let time just go by any longer without doing anything, to let him now how much I have missed him and want to hear his voice and talk with him again. It's hard to wait any more. He knows that I know he knows where he is....so I'll gat to bed and get a good sleep so I won't feel so stressed tomorrow. Hope you did well in the math test and have a nice day. Be well.CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 29, 2004
1:19 am
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Hi liss!

I hope that today has worked out well for you - liss - and that you're being nice to yourself. You have so much to offer others.....by just being your natural self. I'm just wishing that Christian could appreciate you more. I'm sure that then you would be feeling much happier. If it can't be him though - then hopefully it can be someone who will see you for the beautiful person that you are - and love you just as you are - and share the mutual feeling. I wish I could erase the pain you are feeling - but they are yours - give yourself time to get over those feelings.....as they are all a part of who you are. All part of what makes you the beautiful person you are. Those feelings are there because you care so much. You won't stop caring - for it is who you are. Why can't he see that? What is his problem?

You know what I was saying to you about your hair liss? Well that was the way I do it when it is wet - or if it has tangles.....otherwise it's from the scalp down - as per usual - I just found that it made it a lot easier, to untangle hair that way.

When you're thinking about wearing glasses liss, always remember that you don't need to wear them all the time.....just when you need them. If you don't protect your eyes - you'll find that they'll get worse much quicker. Fact! Not even thinking about the headaches(more stress) and frustration (more stress) and mistakes (more stress)....when all you had to do was put on your glasses - and save your eyes from more stress - especially when you're reading a lot. The thing is to take care of yourself liss - and try and stop making it hatder for yourself. If a guy doesn't like you because you wear glasses - do you really think he is going to like you just because you don't? I can see it now - when your eyes are very bad - and you are stressed out, and at your wits end, saying....."Why didn't I just wear those glasses, when my eyes were not nearly as bad as they are now! Geee.....what was I thinking of? If only I had've worn them...." or something along that line. OK - liss - lecture over.:)

If you don't reply - liss - what will I do? Mmmm! Now that's a good question - loaded - but good!:) OK What I would do is......First of all I'd wonder what had happenned if I didn't already know.... then I'd be wondering if you are keeping well.... and taking care of yourself....and I'd be hoping that you are learning to appreciate yourself more.... while feeling very fortunate to have ever met you.....then accept that it's time for you and me both to move on - and I'd only be wishing the very best for you and miss you. That's me. Dare I ask you.....What do you think you'd do liss?

Be well - take care - and be good! CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 29, 2004
10:35 pm
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Sorry liss - for mentioning you know what. I should've just let that go - it wasn't called for. I didn't mean to hurt you though....quite the opposite.....that's for sure!

Still haven't heard from my son as yet, but I thought he may appreciate a little bit more time to get back to me.....he would have got a big surprise to realise that I know where he was - so he is probably wondering what to say to me. That may be because he is feeling ashamed of himself for leaving it so long - the last time he contacted me was in July 2002 - when he was telling me by email - that he would phone me - perhaps even before I had read the email! The phone call was just to ask me how I would like him to return my money back to me. There was no phone call - or any other email - nothing! The emails that I'd sent him were not replised to, and I didn't know if he was alive or dead or what!

That was when I had been living in Scotland for a couple of months, and was in a very difficult situation.... in unfamiliar territory, isolated, no money, stressed out of my head, in an abusive relationship with all my dreams crumbling around my feet...... and then - after going about eight years without having a seizure - I missed taking my medication - and because of that, and all the stress I was under and not getting enough sleep either - I really had a bad one or probably more than one seizure. That meant that for a while, I was suffering from some amnesia - not total amnesia - but I could tell it was bad enough. What else could go wrong? It was all so ironic - because only months before, I was feeling so good about myself and thinking I must be the happiest person in the world - my health was good - my finances were good (for me) - and now I had met the man I loved who also loved me - it just turned out that he was also my cousin - who I hadn't had any contact with since I was five and he was twelve .....so it was very easy for us to not really see each other as cousins - but as a woman and a man.....who loved one another. He was 'my dream come true' and I was his 'one & only' We were destined to be together - for each other. It wasn't a big physical affair either - it was love. I've never felt like that before - not ever! I don't think I ever could again. It was magic! It was online and by phone - with thousands of miles between us - and I had fallen madly in love. Actually, and this is real weird, I still love him - but I would never go back to him if he was going to abuse me. It was always supposed to be mutual - and if it wasn't, I know I'd be so so unhappy. As I said to him online recently, after he contacted me, I told him that I was not prepared to give up my dream, in order to make his become a reality - for that would never do - it had to be a 50/50 blending of two individual dreams that would be ours.

.....and he agrees! saying, "It has to be OUR dream 'R&G'". Then he asked for my opinin on something, and suggested that instead of listening to a whole big list of what I'd been through with him......to just take it bit by bit in conversation.

I think I'd better post this to you now - liss - otherwise it just may freeze. I hope that this gives you a better idea of who you're talking to - a least a bit anyway.:) Sorry for not doing this sooner - liss. It didn't seem a good time to go into detail about me. Sorry though all the same. I'm pracising the typing the way you do it and even though I am cheating a bit - it's getting a bit quicker. Thanks liss - for helping me with it - and I'll let you know how it goes from here.

Bye Bye for now - liss - and I hope you have been keeping well today. I'm glad to hear that you're coming around to the idea of wearing glasses. They're not really such a problem at all. Take good care & 'try' and be good!:) OK? CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 30, 2004
10:34 pm
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Hi liss!

Yes, I hope your doing your homework, - otherwise it makes it so much harder on yourself. Algebra = Confusion - It's one subject I just don't understand along with trigonometry. Do you know what the reason for algebra is?

Willie was 29 and off to America - before I had even thought to phone my cousin. My son was keeping in touch regularly by phone every couple weeks. Willie met my cousin and some of his other relations living in Scotland.

Willie's dad lives here - he wanted to buy this property when I was selling it. We have a living arrangement that is satisfactory.

I remember the day I gave birth to Willie, vividly..... he was nearly a whole month overdue. I was 19 and he was my first and only baby. Because he was taking his own sweet time about being born - (I think he was quite happy where hs was) - At the hospital I had to be induced - and I ended up having a ceasarian section - because my baby was so big!
It was all very quick - and only a few seconds or so later - I had given birth to a beautiful baby boy - weighing eight and a half pounds. It was a big surprise that he was so big because I wasn't really showing a lot - as Willie was positioned well towards my back. I'll never ever forget it.:)

As soon as I knew I was pregnant I started taking better care of myself - I stopped smoking instantly - had more rest and put my feet up more, generally taking it easier - avoiding as much stress as I could - improved my diet to include more vegetables and fruits - and was also taking some multi-vitamins. It was just basically just looking after myself. There wasn't any big do's or don'ts. Appart from the C-section - it all went very smoothly. Even when well overdue, I always looked as though I was only going to have a little baby girl..... and I'm only 5' 1" myself. So Willie's birthweight certainly was a surprise! There might be a lot of things that've been said about it.... but I must admit to not paying much attention to it....but it's not something to get worried about - most women don't have too many complications, even mine. These days there are doctors who can tell you the sex of your baby and what you should know.....and as always you should be looking after yourself well.....even more so.

Why is it so hard to believe that I could fall in love with my cousin? He was like nobody I'd ever met before. Always remember though Liss - this was a long-distance love affair at the beginning - communicating by phone and email. He hadn't betrayed my trust or anything bad - hadn't said anything - other than everything I could ever hope to hear........and charming to the hilt. Of course I could fall in love with him - I'm only human! btw cousins can get married too. That image I had of who he was - was who/what I realy loved and will always love - but that person doesn't really exist. What I was involved with was all just a manipulative power/control game, that he intended to win. Look up narcissists. Then you'll understand why I shouldn't have responded to his email......but I would just love to let him know that I'm not just a silly little girl with no grey matter between my ears. Who knows maybe he'll see me differently - but I don't think I'll be getting my hopes up somehow. I'm aware of a lot more nowadays and I'll be able to know how to handle him better.......but that's only by email - to clear the air and show some respect - self-respect. I could never tell him how I felt when I was with him because I was too frightened of him. I'm sure he doesn't want to accept that - but surely he must know it. Now that really sucks!!!

Better be off now liss - keep on looking after yourself and being good - CU

Love, LA Rosa

January 30, 2004
10:58 pm
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Just catching up on your postings liss - must get scary there at times - earhquakes you're talking about? Do you know what to do in a big one? Sorry about that 'guy' but you know what he's lik - I'm sorry - and I know myself that my own cousin will never change either. We should really give them no more of ourselves. Finish the whole thing and not waste any time over them......you have a beautiful heart and soul - he doesn't know that because he doen't care about things like that....sorry liss. You will have learnt from this....to see the signs when someone doesn't care - and you'll also know when they do. We are all learning that.

Love, LA Rosa

January 31, 2004
5:38 am
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Sorry liss, just couldn't help much - the couple of things my mum said - sounded very amusing to me at the time - but nothing that I can remember.....

There are lots of things on that subject and I'm sure you'll soon know a lot of them.

Have a nice day liss. LA Rosa

January 31, 2004
6:29 pm
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Hi liss!

You really shouldn't get upset about when you're going to have a baby - all in it's own sweet time. Let me just remind you of another way you can look at it, if you would like to. Sometimes it takes some time - to find the man that you love and want to be with for the rest of your whole life - and who will be a good father for your little children. Feel happy that you haven't made any mistakes about that. You're young and there's plenty of time for being a mother.... so think now of what you are doing - as one day you can tell your children all about it.....when that time comes. Just give yourself time - it is there to help you as well. So take advantage of this time you have, and be glad that you have it. You will never have this time again - once you become a mother. It is another thing ahead to look forward to. Prepare yourself for it by taking good care of yourself today - as well as you can!

Take care liss and be good.....

Love, LA Rosa

February 1, 2004
4:08 am
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Hi liss

When I was sixteen and still at school, and ANYONE did that to me - I'd turn around and say something like "Hey! Whoever it was - don't do that again. If it ever does happen again......I'll be reporting it to the principal(the head of the school).....so just keep your hands to yourself." I'd mention it to my mother if I was upset about it..... and if it was really bad I'd have already spoken to the appropriate person at school, you see about things like that. Same as at eighteen (but I was already married by that time).

I hope you're able to get enough privacy - liss - now that you're in the living room. Best Wishes

Take care and be good. CU

Love, LA Rosa

February 1, 2004
7:12 am
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I Lisset,

I hope you don't mind that I popped up here... but did this happen to you?

Something similar happened to me, but I was much younger, about 13 or 14. We were at a water park, and there was a group of guys behind me. I developed early - so I looked older. Anyway, I'm standing in line to go down the slide with my friends and I feel this hand on my bum. At first, I just shifted - but it happened again, so I knew it was on purpose.

I turned around and said loudly "stop it" - of course the whole group of guys started laughing. They were older than me, but skinny teenage boys. When I got to the pool I swam out and told my older brother who had brought us all. He grabbed them getting out of the pool, and they actually left the park.

If you feel this was not an accident and it really made you uncomfortable, by all means speak up. There are things that we simply do not have to tolerate - being fondled by someone we don't know is one of them.

Z.

February 1, 2004
5:24 pm
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Hi liss!

What a horrible thing to happen to you - liss - and I am empathising with you right now. Please know that I have been there too.

The one thing I learned -liss - was that if someone thinks that you won't tell anyone......they'll keep on doing it. I didn't tell - when a supposed friend of the family used to come in at night and fondle me. I didn't say anything because I thought that he may be involved with my mother - while my dad had gone over to New Zealand to get work and accomodation for us - just before we moved left Australia. I didn't want my mum to ever find out that I had suspected her of doing something that I knew she shouldn't be doing - not even being sure if it was fact or just me. He was a friend of my dad's from work - who only used to come around once in a blue moon - until my dad wasn't around for a few months - when he was in NZ. Then it was nearly every night! Told my mum what he did a couple of years later - and I could tell by her reaction that my thoughts were right.

When I arrived in NZ - still eight years of age - there was an old man - a gardener - who did the fondling thing as well - when I was waiting for a little while after school - before my mum came home from a part-time job. You see no-one else was there at the time and I couldn't get inside until mum came home about half an hour or so later. Why I didn't say anything? Probably a combination of being brought up to respect adults - and never wanting to mention anything on that subject - because then the other man who did it would be also mentioned - and then there would be lots of trouble!

I told myself a couple of years later - that if it ever happenned again - I would tell someone - and not let them do it to me.

I have never said anything to anyone though - about my Mum. I know that she has wished she hadn't had anything to do with 'the friend of the family' in Australia.

There are so many sicko's out there - it's not funny. I hope this type of thing isn't happenning to you now?!
You would say something wouldn't you? It's all about taking care of yourself - and learning how to. I'll always want you to do take care and be well.

Love, LA Rosa

February 1, 2004
5:34 pm
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Back again liss.

Just hope you realise that my posting is before your last one.....which I am now reading. Will get back to you on that. CU

February 1, 2004
9:16 pm
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Hi liss - After reading through these things you've been through - I can see that you've certainly had some problems to contend with - with people who want to take advantage of your good nature. You realise that what I think is just one way of looking at it - and I don't always get it right.....hopefully though there will be something in what I say that makes sense - and helps you to get over what has caused you so much fear and anxiety.

The first situation sounds like they were picking on you liss - because they wanted to feel like they were so cool - that they could make you feel afraid of them - when they knew you were at a disadvantage and when they were sure they could get away with it. Which they did......and could do again under the right circumstances. They sound like bullies - and they always target someone that they consider weaker and vulnerable. Whether the girl was lesbian or not wouldn't really have made much difference.....if they (the girl and the guy) had decided that you were the one who was going to be targeted. It doesn't sound as if she was lesbian though.... seeing as how she was interested in guys, but she still may have been - she could be bisexual? So it comes back down to learning what to do. Instead of letting them get away with it - knowing what you can do the next time it happens - making it so that you won't be at such a disadvantage in future..and learning how to stick up for yourself. That tells you that they are not entitled to get away with his behaviour.....YOU have as many rights as they have.

That guy you fear, the one who gets on the bus with you sometimes - will not have that effect on you if you know that you'll be able to handle the situation. He is another probably another bully who won't go near you if he thinks you'll expose him to the authorities - if he ever tried to do anything to you again. By letting him see that you're not afraid of him - by not hiding away or quickly turning your glance so's to avoid all eye contact - he will think that you're not scared of him anymore - and he'll also think that there is a good reason for that - and won't even think about doing anything to you. In order to feel 'real' confidence in yourself though - it is really good that you are talking about it here - cause you would like to have more going for you besids an academy award in 'acting' the part of someone who is confident. That's not the answer - but it is a start. Once you can know within yourself that you can do something about these lowlife people - then you won't feel that sort of fear. When you have no idea of how to - or what to do - that's a fearful situation. A person who knows what they can do and will do, has good reaon to feel confident. I think that the saying "Knowledge is Power" is a real good one.

Nothing worse than going around with all those 'ifs and buts' in your mind.....and look at how to get rid ourselves of them. Must go now liss - before this freezes! I want to know more of the answers as well.

I know you agree with me lots of times - liss - because you'd let me know if you didn't.....Yes? 🙂

Love, LA Rosa

February 2, 2004
3:04 am
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Hi liss!

Of course YOU'RE NOT CRAZY!! Just remember that you are not the one doing these things! Your part in it all is in how you let it effect you - probably because you haven't yet learned how to respond to these situations in a more assertive manner. But you can learn how to if you want to. You will understand a lot more about yourself at the same time......and certain ways of seeing yourself could change a little bit - as you begin to see the picture from a clearer perspective.

There is nothing crazy about not wanting to be touched by other people, when you don't want to be. It is just that some people don't care about what you want or how it makes you feel. In fact, I think it gives them an ego boost or something - to think that they CAN effect you in the way you described. Pretty pathetic kind of behaviour. If that's what they get out of it - bringing you down - then don't give it to them. Don't allow yourself to feel so bad about it - it's happenned - just don't let anyone try and do it to you again. Creeps are all over the place - and you never know when one might show up. They can really annoy you - but don't let them make you feel any less of the beautiful person that you are - otherwise they have succeded in what they wanted to do - bring you down - to make them feel better about themselves. Like I said - liss - it's pathetic behaviour - and that's their problem - just leave it with them.
You just need to sharpen up on the ways to reduce the likelihood of it happenning in the first place. I'll be a whole new ballgame!! Another part of your journey in life.....to look forward to.:)

Love, LA Rosa

February 3, 2004
7:27 am
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HI liss!

Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't even have to think about someone possibly going to do something like that to you? As you are already aware from personal experience - those possibilities do exist. If it ever happens to you again, perhaps you will be having second thughts about turning and getting away as quickly as you can. It was understandable though, at the time. Unfortunaely I don't have any guarantees on how to prevent it from ever happenning again. If someone knows that they'd better not do it to you again, though - because otherwise you'll report them to the rightful authorities. Or, you may be inclned to just go sraight to report them immediately - or at your earliest convenient time. Even if no action is taken against that person (for whatever reason).....that will ensure that if it should ever happen again - it will already be documented - that this offender is 're-offending!'

Whatever you do though - liss - don't let them stop you from enjoying yourself by intimidating you - that's really playing in to them - the way they want to affect you. If you won't give them that sick satisfaction they seem to crave - they'll get the loud message that their 'game' is over.... cause you are no longer playing by their rules.
Having that done to you once by someone, is bad enough, but it's much much worse, if it is allowed to continue. You can exercise your rights by taking control of the situation - and speak up - even to them! (especially to them) Let them know they don't scare you - and that you won't tolerate it! Make that point very clear! They were probably never picking that you'd say that! You can use the element of surprise to your own benefit. Really surprise them!! Remember you have right on your side - and know that
if 'you' let them know that you are not pleased - and may take it further....you will also be able to feel a lot more of that'real' confidence, developing within you.

Hope it goes very well for you liss.
BE wELL!

Love, LA Rosa

February 3, 2004
8:59 pm
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Yes liss, let whoever it is know that you don't want any more of it.....if that's a problem for you at all - then you could ask someone else to do it for you - or simply just report it without any words exchanged at all. If you are feeling angry when it happens - that's good to express that emotion as well - and it could make you feel better to get it off your chest. You could perhaps write a message though - if you found it difficult to say something - then you just have to make very sure that 'he' gets it. If it happens outside of school, there is the always the police. Whether or not you are at school - with school kids or not - let it be known, one way or another, that you don't want it to ever happen again - that is the point that you should make very clear to them! If they don't understand that - they may try again - and if they should do it again, after you have already given them a warning the first time - when thinking you weren't serious about it - then just try to make sure that you definitely report it the second time. It's a good idea to keep a note of the circumstances involving the incident, so's if that does happen, you won't get mixed up or forget any details. If these notes don't get used the first time - they can certainly be used the next time if required.

You are the innocent person here - liss - so don't let these people without any integrity, think they have any right to walk all over you.

Let them think again about that one!
You don't have to put up with it!
Best wishes liss.

Love, LA Rosa

February 4, 2004
8:50 pm
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Dear Liss, It must be a sad time for you just now and I do hope that this feeling won't last too much longer. Feelings of grief, are that way, and needing to be felt. When they begin to lift you'll be able to move on with your life. It will feel as though you have had a weight taken off your shoulders - and you'll be back to feeling your old self again - as your spirit goes through it's healing process. It may help - liss - to be a little bit thankful - that you have time to learn more about love. It is respect and trust and passion and honesty, and a good few other things as well, no doubt. It is certainly worth waiting for. It well may be that you are feeling this pain in your heart, as your own understanding of love is beginning to grow deeper. There is a lot of love within you, liss, to share with someone who wants to share his love with you. Have faith and do not fear.

However you may be feeling now, about what you would do if you were to be physically assulted in the future.... at least you will know that 'you don't have to take it'. You may decide that you don't want to just 'take it'......for you will have the choice.

Keep taking good care of yourself. And be well.

Love, LA Rosa

February 4, 2004
11:12 pm
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Hi liss!

Your 'cousin' is making a lot of sense - why dwell on the negative aspects about the relationship, when it only reminds you of all the stuff that you'd rather forget anyway? There were good times too! Just not enough to make it work between you - but they will still can be nice to remember. It wasn't all doom & gloom. That's relationships for you - it's just to find a nice balance that you're both happy with.....that requires a willingness of effort, to consider with respectfulness and appreciation of one another, through acceptance. It's very heartwarming and good for the soul. It lets you sleep more peacefully at night as well. It's the mind in turmoil, that can hinder your quality of sleep. When you start to feel some emotional balance coming back into your thought processes, that will let you see the sign, that you've been making some good healing progress. Are you aren't getting to bed at the right time....if not then you could be getting yourself overtiered, and that along with less sleep to begin with - means you will be suffering from sleep deprivation. Your body and your brain likes to get about eight hours sleep - as a general rule.

As soon as I hear from my son, I'll certainly let you know.....I have at least the peace of mind of knowing where he is and that he is well. A big weight has been lifted......but it is the pain of not understanding how he could leave me like this, without a word. What could he be thinking of? I cannot imagine!

Bye-bye For Now.....liss

Love, LA Rosa

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