I'm going through something similar right now, RW, I feel terrible for you and your pain. You recieved the message from a very young age that you where not deserving of good treatment, that you where bad, wrong, deserved punishment, etc. As adults, we carry messages like that around, especially when they have been constantly driven into our heads the whole time we where forming our opinions and self worth as children and young adults.

I have seen you post about your children, and I KNOW ou are a good mother. I know you love your boys, that your heart aches with every bad thing that happens to them, that you don't just close the door and let the m scream and trash the house when you have had enough (some mothers do, you know), but post for advice about how to entertain them and make them happy while staying sane yourself. You are ARE a good mother.

As for being a good wife, sit down and make a list of what YOU think is important to being a good wife. Think about where you get teh idea you are not. i know you love your husband, I have seen you here frequently working on you and thinking about your marriage and wanting to grow for it as well as yourself. I think you are a good wife--maybe not perfect, but who here is? No one.

The house: Ugh, don't get me started. I only have one, and she;s a girl, and half the time it's a PIT. The fact is, I can get to the house, but my little girl is growing so fast, I'll never be able to go back to that if I miss it cleaning. Also, it is hard being a mother, hard working on yourself, hard looking at the past and linking it to the present and trying to make it work for you now. Especially when you wish it would just go AWAY! Depression is hard, it's a daily challenge when it's at it's most powerful. Go easy on yourself, baby steps. Maybe tidy up so you feel good about where you are, and do a little more tommorow, and a little more after that. You already have so much on your plate, RW.

You are not a bad person, sweets, you are having a bad time and facing it full on at every turn, you should be very proud of yourself. ((((Julie))), go easy on yourself, the messages you have that you are bad, defective, wrong, those messages where put there for the wrong reasons, it just isn't the truth. We love you RW, and hope you can remember to love yourself too!!