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October 13, 2003
9:58 pm
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Lourdie
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Hello Everyone:

I am sitting here on Monday night miserable.. I just broke it off with my boyfriend of a year and half and I feel lime my world is crumbling. I have been going to therapist and realized that I am codependent. I have always felt unfulfilled in all my relationships. I never knew what the problem was until now.. I decided to break it off with my boyfriend b/c we were heading down a destructive path.. I never broke up with anyone before, so this was so hard on me. I didn't break up with him b/c I didn't love him or for someone else.. I ended the situation b/c I don't like who I have become.. (A needy, obsessive girlfriend).. I feel so terrible inside b/c I don't want to hurt him.. I am beginning to see if I don't love myself, who will love me then? I don't even know my self worth.. I am so embarrassed to say that.. :'(
With the help from my therapist, I detached. My boyfriend certainly has his issues as well.. (I guess we all do in some way).. Do you think I did the right thing by doing this? My therapist suggested that I don't have any contact with him for about 3-6 months? Do you think this is fair.. What happened if I let go of the “One”? Thank you for hearing me out.. Take Care and God bless...

October 13, 2003
11:47 pm
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ms.confused
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Hi! and welcome here!

As far as ever really knowing if u did the right thing is really only for you to know. You know why u've had to detach from him and sometimes a little space is good so you can began to know and love yourself better. I am kinda where you are as well. Me and my boyfriend just split a couple mos ago. I miss him alot and often wonder if we did the right thing but I know deep inside we did because our relationship was really unhealthy. Some days I have good days other days they can be quit horrible but I am able to be myself and Im actually beginning to learn who I am again. It still hurts like it was the day we broke up but I have wonderful people here to confide in and help me sort thru my issues. Im not sure of your situation exactly but please feel free to talk to us and lean on us for support. Theres alot of wonderful people here that can help you. Welcome! and God Bless!

October 14, 2003
1:31 am
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gingerleigh
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There is no "one" for each of us. The truth is, there are lots of people in the world that we might or might not be compatible with. So even if this one were a good match for you, there will be others in the future that may be equally as good or better for you.

In my opinion, if you didn't like who you were and you broke things off with your boyfriend to find that real genuine you, how could that be viewed as bad? That was a very honest and seeking measure you took, requiring a lot of courage and gumption.

Do you have and girlfriends you have lost touch with during your relationship? Perhaps rekindling those friendships may help you get back in touch with those special qualities that make you such a neat person.

Best wishes...

October 14, 2003
10:45 am
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Lourdie
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Thank you for responses. It is greatly appreciated.. I am so happy that I have found this site. Please know as all of you are hearing me, out, I will do the same to you... It has been only a couple days and I feel as I am dying. I know that is very pitiful for me to say, but it is honestly how I am feeling.. :(..

As far as I know if I did the right thing, I don't even know what to do with myself...:( I know I have to start thinking about myself, but the concept seems so hard to do. There was issues in the relationship that were hurting me.. I am becoming to realize that I am addicted to him. I thought it was okay to be with someone b/c you need them.. Now I am becoming to realize that I should be with someone/c I want to, not b/c I need to.. My issues within the relationship with my ex is that his family has not cut the umbilical cord. When we broke up, I expressed to him how I felt. He was very supportive and wants me to get better. He also admitted he ash issues and that he needs to handle his own.. That night keeps on replaying in my head constantly...:(
I so want to call him and want to be with him, but what is that going to solve.. I want to grow with him, but before that could happen, I need to grow on my own.... It's seems to easier said then done..

October 14, 2003
11:01 am
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mj
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Its just one minute at a time, and a step at a time. You are headed in the right direction. Nothing gets solved immediately...be patient with yourself. Welcome....and if you need a distraction from all the heavy thoughts....there's always pumpkin carving 😉

October 14, 2003
10:33 pm
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Zinnie
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Just take it one day at a time. Work on yourself. Read, grow and learn what it is that you really want and need in a relationship.

Hang tough.

Zinnie

October 15, 2003
11:15 am
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Lourdie
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Thank you all for your support..

It will be a 1 week tomorrow and I don't know what to do.. I woke up in the middle of night just thinking about him. Thinking if he misses me and if he already moved on with his life... There are moments that I am okay but then a tidal wave of sadness hits me and I feel like I am drowning..:( Having no contact with him is hard... Especially since it can be anywhere from 3-6 months until I become better.. I never knew I can have an addiction to a person or that it even existed.. I never knew I had a problem until recently. All my friends around me tell me this is a good thing, but why don't I feel this way? I want to get better.. I am 24 years old , not married and have no kids.. I am told that I have my whole life ahead of me.. Honestly, I feel like I have nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to.. I want to experience a healthy relationship with someone.. I want to be confident and love myself.. I want to know and feel that I am worth a lot.. How do I this? I really just hate feeling this way.:'(.. Sorry to babble... Thank you all for hearing me out...

October 15, 2003
11:36 am
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mj
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Hugs....experiencing a loving healthy relationship with ones self takes time. Yes, it does hurt and you will experience sadness. Have faith....
You just need to learn who you are.
It is easier by yourself. No distractions. Try journaling too. I wrote for 6 solid months all the thoughts and feelings and joined a support group. I didn't feel as alone when I did this. I learned to like me by doing this. I discovered lots of good things about myself. I was really open and honest. It started as my 4th step and turned into a bigger thing...like getting in touch with my self. I still am working on it. I've been working on it a long time but I know I am making progress and I am patient with myself.
Feel your feelings, write them down, then later when you read them, you will see the growth. It really is a moment to moment exploration my friend.

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