Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
IM NEW Member, I fell again-unrequited love
December 27, 2005
7:00 pm
Avatar
yesnyc
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello everyone please welcome me with open arms..I visited this site some time ago, I m back I dont see any familiar names--Zinnie where are you!!

My story:
I was dating this firefighter on and off for a year- I kept giving and giving meaning, I was putting in all the work.. I would call, text, communicate with him openly- the whole shabang!!
He would call occasionally one evry ---(you fill in the blank) every two-four months..yep.I bet you didnt think it would be such a lapse in space HUH. yep whenever it came out his---. I told him it bothered me, and I didnt want to show up for just s__x, I wanted a companion along the way. Thats not alot to ask for? I dont want a commitment, just the company and the emotional loving once in a while- you know feel like I m wanted by someone else, thats a perfectly human thing to ask for. anyhow, I am here, I ended it a couple of days after thanksgiving-He hasnt called at least that I know about (though I ve been getting alot of unknown calls lately) who cares, the point is I texted him a couple of days ago to wish him happy birthday and I called hime left a voice mail christmas day.. why do I feel I need this? this hurtful torture-i dont want to be a victim BUT I am showing up willingly I m even giving him the invitation to stomp on my heart, again.

unrequited love felt only on my side...

comforting words- or give me the real upfront news, I m blind, and I am hurt, again same guy same channel,I dont want to live in this cyclical pattern anymore..
yesnyc

December 27, 2005
7:07 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was once involved with someone like this. He is unavailable man who just wanted women for their bodies. As long as I would invite him, talk to him, return calls etc he made himself available for that. The ball is in your court. If you write him, contact him, he will eventually call you. After awhile I felt used about it, it wasn't what I wanted anymore so I stopped the contacting him, and he stopped too and I think nothing about him. It doesn't sound like he is available to you and that you have some feelings for him. You deserve better than this. But you have a choice. If it doesn't feel right to you, then I would suggest finding someone else who can do better for you.

December 27, 2005
7:17 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi yes - I'm engaged to a firefighter and know all too well how unavailable they can be. I have my own theories about why, but that subject is a psychological study in itself, and it would take me hours to write.

My honest opinion, is to move on. Although there may be some emotional connection there, remember how infrequently he called, and how seldom you got together. You say:

I dont want a commitment, just the company and the emotional loving once in a while- you know feel like I m wanted by someone else, thats a perfectly human thing to ask for.

You say you don't want committment, but it sounds like you want the "emotional loving" and the need to feel wanted, that a committed relationship would provide for you. It's sort of a contradiction. If you look at what he has given you, it's a lack of committment, wanting you on his terms, and having sex with you occassionally. In a sense, he's giving you exactly what you stated that you want. Be honest with yourself, and think about what you REALLY want from a relationship. Once you do that, chances are you will see that this firefighter wasn't capable of giving it, for whatever reason. People will take advantage of us if we let them - I'm guilty of being a doormat on occassion. I'm not calling you a doormat :o) - but if you're honest about what you want for yourself, and you stand firm and are true to your needs, chances are you will find that person.

Take care and good luck. I know how you feel - but all of the text messages or phonecalls to someone who isn't available on your terms, is a waste of your time. The only thing you're doing at this point is feeding his already inflated ego.

Good luck! Love - Shaney

December 27, 2005
7:24 pm
Avatar
Marlex
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi NYC

Please..please stop calling and texting this man...He does not want to be in a relationship with you...Read that book "He is not all that into you" and move on to someone else...or someone even more important YOU...If you get those emotional muscles strong enough..You will find that you will have peace and joy in being alone without the NEED and the loss of dignity that goes with these kinds of relationships. There are nice guys out there too that would be willing to go the extra mile to get your attention. Just let go of this man for your own good..He will only drag you down and make you feel terrible about yourself. I have been in these situations for a very short time then I gave them up...it was very hard but once its done..its the best feeling in the world...you may even encounter them in a social setting and you may just want to look the other way..the desire to even look at them will be gone..COMPLETELY..trust me on that one.

Good luck and take good care of yourself...you are the only thing that matters when it comes to your self-worth and respect.

December 28, 2005
8:21 am
Avatar
yesnyc
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey guys, I just woke up and I hve to say reading some of this hurt me but what can I do? I am a cutie pie, I just think these patterns fall too much in how one was raised in the family and I fall in this category and it sucks, and I did read "he's not that into you" and I have a journal as well in which I write exerpts from whatever books I feel I need to look at, and I have read melanie beattie "codependent no more" yet I fall into the patter, again..I kow where I need to start. right at home-self worth portion of my ego...

December 28, 2005
1:35 pm
Avatar
Marlex
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

NYC

I know exactly what you mean when you say you have read things over and over and understand your pattern...I do the same with the emotionally unavailable men...I always let my feelings take over and become very trusting of these men and then they disappoint me.

Maybe write down the reasons why you feel attraction to these men. I am doing the same thing...also this site has helped me tremendously...the next man I meet I will immediately go on this site and get support and advice as I dont want to make the same mistake again.

Take care and keep posting..eventually the pattern will change as long as you acknowledge your behavior and are willing to make changes in order to get results.
INSANITY IS DOING THINGS OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110977
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714261
Newest Members:
swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why..
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information