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I'm new here
May 30, 2002
7:58 pm
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Creed
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September 27, 2010
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I don't know where to start. I have been to this sight a few times and have only read other people's messages. I have been seeing a psychologist for 5 weeks now and she suggested that I find a CoDA group to join but I haven't found one in my area at a time I can attend. I am just recently divorced after being with my husband 11-1/2 years. Even though we had our problems and I thought about divorce a lot I would have preferred to stay married. I have a 3 year old and I enjoyed being a family. I hate to say I am divorced, I am very embarrassed by it. Even though most of my friends have been divorced and I never thought anything wrong of them or anyone else getting divorced, I still hate to have to say I am divorced. I feel like a total failure and a total loser. The therapy helps but I still cry every day and the pain is almost unbearable. I really don't want anyone's sympathy or for people to tell me it's better for the children, I know all of that. I just need to find away to stop hurting.

May 30, 2002
8:04 pm
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toffee
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i was married ten years, just found out im VERY codependent and ive been apart from my husband for a few months now..it is extremely difficult, ive been left with no source of income, ton of bills, huge morgage, credit card debt etc..( never had bad credit ) and he just really isnt interested in helping in any way other than giving my his support payment..dont know how long that will last since it seems conducive on my still being interested in reconciling with him, sigh. I guess im trying to say, i know where your coming from. i have three young children and a teen.
I feel frozen, and im shocked at all the feelings im feeling, i want him here cause im so afraid and somewhat lonely ( its mostly money fears ) but i dont want to sell my soul again. I need to heal and "recover" never used that word to refer to me before. I cant even think about another relationship until i do. I havent really cried at all yet, im kind of in survival mode..feeling a lot of anger and i guess shock. Lets talk to each other. Do not be ashamed of being divorced, sixty percent of marriages end in divorce. You were married a long time and im sure you gave you soul too.

May 30, 2002
8:07 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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you stop hurting with action. Divorce sucks big time, hard to say what is in the childrens interest, they will change their minds again any how. The one thing I know for sure is they need mommy whole. They need her attention. They don't need to see her tears, it scares them, although a healthy amount is good. You need to make some lists of things to do, fun things for you and the kids, you need to get off the pity pot, its over and that is that. It took two, not just you , ok ? Make sure you eat right, make sure your working out, make sure you take care of you, candles, special dishes, icecream for dinner, music, flowers, gardens, classes,even if you can only do on line, school make goals, call up all the old girlfriends, connect, reach out, read, just get busy.

May 31, 2002
1:16 pm
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Creed
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September 27, 2010
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Thanks to everyone who replied to me. It helps just to talk about it, put my thoughts down in writing. It's like getting them out of my head and putting them somewhere else. My emotions change hourly. Some times I have true moments of clarity. I feel quite strong, I know I will make it, that's not what bothers me. I know it is for the best but I don't know how to keep it from hurting so bad. It feels like someone died, the permanency and complete change that happened. I hate to sound so dramatic but I don't know how else to describe it.

May 31, 2002
1:40 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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divorce is a death, it is the death of the marriage, and it follows the 7 stages very similar, denial, anger, pain, mourning, acceptance, I forgot all of them, but your right on track. You are not dramatic, it was a trauma, no ? Your world has just been turned upside down, you will get it together .

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