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I'm new and I'm a mess!
April 2, 2007
3:49 pm
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nonameface
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Hello, I'm separated through my own doing. Seeing someone, but now feel homesick and guilty, ashamed you name it, I'm looking for advice on what to do. I can give more details if this thread gets attention. Thanks for reading. Peace

April 2, 2007
3:57 pm
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soprano2
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Kinda need more information. We are all here for you though when you are ready.

April 2, 2007
4:00 pm
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isolatedone
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Here for you and understand where you are coming from!

(Hug)

April 2, 2007
4:11 pm
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nonameface
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Well, my wife and I have been technically married for almost 14 yrs. We were separated for 2 months after the first 5 months, together for 5 yrs, then apart for 7, together for 1 1/2 yrs. I just moved out again two months ago, and now I feel I may have made a horrible mistake. We just never got along great. I guess I should have tried harder at the marriage. Now I'm involved with a women who's much younger than me, I'm having feelings that I want my wife back. Now I'm faced with hurting someone else in the process. No guarantees that my wife will take me back. Anyway, I'm finding this extremely difficult to deal with. Like I said, I'm feeling so guilty and ashamed. Thanks for getting back so soon.

April 2, 2007
4:20 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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sometimes it's easier to want what was "familiar" and comfortable...even if you were unhappy...you knew what to expect.

dating someone new makes you vulnerable to being hurt or rejected...and learning/starting all over again is alot of work.

but that doesn't mean your wife and you were meant to be together either.

just cuz it was comfortable/familiar doesn't mean it was good.

you need to evaluate WHY you left all these times.

if I was your wife...I wouldn't take you back until you could show me somehow that you weren't going to leave again...that you understood what you did wrong the first few times and fixed the problem.

otherwise, you are just repeating the same mistakes, hoping for a different outcome...which probably won't happen.

April 2, 2007
4:23 pm
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soprano2
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Ikes. Tough spot.

Now I understand how you feel. It is very hard to go back once you start something new.

My advice to you is to find out what you really want. Once you know what you want it is easier to figure out what to do.

And then I will say that you need to do what is best for you. It is not fair for you to be with this new person if you still have feelings for your wife. It is also not fair to you to be in one relationship when you are thinking about someone else.

It seems as if you have had a tumultuous relationship with your wife. Have you ever explored why that is????? Maybe that will give you some answers as to why you want her back now.

Will check with you later to see how you are doing. Need to go to kid patrol.

April 3, 2007
12:45 pm
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nonameface
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Hey thanks, alot of what you wrote makes sense. We were never really friends, just kind of forced ourselves to get along. I gave up trying. I felt unsupported with dreams and goals. We do have a 12 yr. old daughter who is the center of my life. I feel we both, or at least I am letting her down once again by jepordizing her security of a family.

April 9, 2007
8:22 pm
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where2go
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September 27, 2010
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i dont know where to start my life seems such a mess these days i was told i am unsure of my gender role because i work hard im a welder and im not afraid to work with the guys i dont like the comment a womens place is at home it takes two these days and unless there is going to start being two men to one women than i dont know how a women is to stay at home and do the house work this is rediculous all i ever wanted out of life was to be somebody and right now i feel alot like nobody i dont know where to turn i have no one to talk to atleast no one i trust

April 10, 2007
1:17 pm
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dustpuff
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September 24, 2010
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I think I understand what you are saying but let me try to clear a few things up. You are a woman working in a mostly male dominated field, right, as a welder. Are you getting some comments from home or from the outside?

It does take 2 nowadays to make it. No matter what your choice of occupation is you are helping ensure that you have a home.

Do you have children? Are you expected to do all the housework, cooking, cleaning etc and keep this job? If you are that is not how it should be. It is about a partnership. Two people stiving towards the same goals. It shouldn't matter what you do for a living.

April 10, 2007
1:47 pm
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taj64
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What I get out of your statement is that you are receiving a hard time at your job as a welder because it is male dominated area and being told that it is woman's job to stay at home. Well sorry sirs, but this is a different age and women can do whatever they want as long as they are happy with what they do. You should be proud of what you are accomplishing at the moment. It takes gut and strength to go against the grain. Maybe these men do not know you well enough just yet, but when they do, they will like you and like you for who you are. Same goes for the rest of the crowd. You're not a nobody because you take charge of your life and are seeking independence and able to take care of yourself. That is something to be proud of going after what you want and earning your own income to do what you please with. Don't sit around and worry about what others think. Sounds to me like others are jealous and not really picking on you, but actually envious of what you do, and don't know how to show it. Good luck.

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