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Im lost and need help
December 13, 2005
10:46 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hi honey. Hope your day went well.

I'll check into disappearing and what the ramifications might be. Let me get back to you on this probably tomorrow. Will have to do some searching. Also, will you tell me what state you lived in just before this move. Could make some differences also.

Stay peaceful as possible. Things work out for the best for those that believe.

December 13, 2005
10:48 pm
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kasie919
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I lived in Pa.
I had also filed for divorce and custody there if that makes a difference or not, but i have to go, hes mad because im on line,
I will talk to you tomorrow, thanks for all you are doing.
Lots of love!!!

December 13, 2005
11:20 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

DO NOT answer tonight. No need to make him any more angry. I need to know if the divorce in PA is still pending or was it dismissed??? very important to know this as for looking up. If you don't know, I will tell you how to find out.

Think on good thoughts. will say a prayer for you.

December 14, 2005
2:04 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

One more question.... Is your husband in the military? Makes a big difference. Just need to know. Thanks.

December 14, 2005
2:24 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

I feel you were misinformed regarding having to live in the state for 1 year before you can divorce. This is what I found in the State Statutes pertaining to Divorce.

RESIDENCY REQUIREMENTS AND WHERE TO FILE: The spouse filing for divorce must have been a resident of South Carolina for at least 1 year, unless both spouses are residents, in which case the spouse filing must only have been a resident for 3 months. There is a required 90-day delay from the time of filing to the time of the final decree of divorce. The divorce may be filed for in: (1) the county where the defendant resides; (2) the county where the plaintiff resides if the defendant does not live in South Carolina or cannot be found; or (3) the county where the spouses last lived together if both still live in South Carolina. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Sections 20-3-30, 20-3-60, and 20-3-80].

LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: No-Fault: Living separate and apart without cohabitation for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].

General: (1) Adultery; (2) alcoholism and/or drug addiction; (3) physical cruelty; and (4) willful desertion for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].

Kasie, it says the spouse filing for divorce must live there 1 year UNLESS BOTH SPOUSES ARE RESIDENTS... then you only have to be a resident for 3 months. Is your name on the utilities or anything that would prove you have lived there since the date you moved there? Did you get a SC Driver's License.. this can be proof of residency. Where you live is your name on the lease or loan for the house, etc. You will need these documents to prove your residency.

You MUST have legal grounds in this state to get divorced. No-Fault only pertains to not having lived together for more than 1 year. See "GENERAL" above. I see definite grounds that pertain. To prove the cruelty tho you may need proof such as police reports, etc. I totally agree w/ whomever above said STOP hiding the abuse. Let the bruises show. Let the screaming be heard. Tell your little boy that sometimes moms and dads are just not very nice to each other and that it is wrong, but it happens. He knows way more than you think he does. You don't need to tell him what dad says or that dad this or that, he can see. Just that it happens and it's wrong.

Kasie... one thing I want to make very clear at this point.... I am NOT a professional and you must check the things I say out to be sure I have stated them correctly. i am not above error.

December 14, 2005
7:11 am
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mamacinnamon
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http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/sta.....scdv.shtml

This site is South Carolina Island Domestic Violence Advocates & Support Contacts. Lists all the contacts out by county.

Also has links to .... Attorney General, Bar Association, Child Abuse, Child Support, Congress, Court System, Crime Compensation,
Crime Statistics, Divorce & Family Law, Domestic Violence, Governor's Office, Law Enforcement, Law Library, Legal Aid / Pro Bono, Legal Forms, News Media, Protection Orders, Restitution Orders, Sex Offenders, Sexual Assault, Small Claims Court, Social Services, Stalking, State Representative, State Senators, State Statutes, Victim Rights, Women's Law Initiative: Legal Resources for Women.

December 14, 2005
7:41 am
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kasie919
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mamac:
wow you sure did your work, how can I ever repay you, Ive only been here about 2 months, so i have to go at least 3, all the utilites are in my name, imagine that? the rent is in both, no he is not in the military.
I have all intentions today to find out enough inforamtion as I can, he took the car, so im stuck at home..

The neighbors ablready got a show when he got mad putting up christmas lights, he acts like a total idiot at times, they saw they know..
As far as taking it to where people can see, dont worry, this happens all the time, and my journal im sure will help, as well as the polce reports from home,
As far as my divorce papres, we signed everything as far as i know except filing the final paper work is held due to the fact we both owe our attorneys.

I do realise that you are not a professional, but beleive it or not you came up with stuff people i have been talking to in the professional aspect didnt even know.
I need to get to a womens center here and just get the thing going, IM trying as hard as I can to remain calm and clear,,until christmas is over for one, and I am trying to find a job, it would benefit me more had i have one.
So thank you ever so very much, God will open his doors for you someday with the biggest halo and wings awaiting. He is my savior right now, thank you..

December 14, 2005
9:24 am
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gettingthere
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hi kasie thats so weird i to have been married three times they were all abusive,then i to wanted to try and understand why,as you probably already no it goes back to our childhood and we go into relationships that feel similar to us,even though there no good it feels familiar,we dont know that better exsists we only feel thats what we deserve but trust me we dont deserve to be abused nobody does,its not your fault i promise you thing will get better there is a light at the end of this tunnel........gettingthere

December 14, 2005
10:57 am
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kasie919
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Hi getttinthere,
are u free now?
away from the pain?
I agree it goes back to our childhood, Im afraid it is the desire to have my father love me, he never wanted me, after my sister no more children could have bben created, i must have been immaculate conception.
But my mother chose to keep me and raise me, and try to keep my fahters resentment away from me, but as i greww older wanting a father i could never understand his hatred for me, and it wasnt until after my mother took her life, and had writtine this all to me in a long sad letter, did i find out the truth, oever the years my hatred towards him lightned, with many letters and arguements, but i will always hold that pain, until i die, He never wanted me, i cant imagine never wanting either of my children, god has blessed me with love, withtin them, although i messed up with my daughter, i vow not to screw up my son, hence the reason i need so desperatly to get out.
I dont care if i ever love another man as long as i live, i need time for me, to heal all wounds, and get to know who and why i am ...

December 14, 2005
1:50 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hi Kasie:

Hope this is finding you in a safe position. Are you ok to talk?

December 14, 2005
2:06 pm
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kasie919
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yes im here he is at work

December 14, 2005
2:13 pm
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kasie919
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Im feeling very ill today, i just realized he has been snooping in my private things, i cant even keep a journal, i dont know where to hide it.
I dont have any one to talk to and now im finding it difficult to remain here beceasue he will find it and have a fit..
I am sure he sat here last night ad wrote emails to everyone in my address book, when i came on the address book was open, i never leave it open.
it makes me angry and sick that he has to do this, i could care less what h does or who he talks to, i just want to move on,
I have no one not my frineds not a church nothing and here i am being so vulnerable.
My heart truly aches today, because i have met some very nice people and very kind ones at that, if i have to give up this what more do i have??
I have just done another sysytem scan for any spyware, espcially the opius one, its gone, i have no trace of any spywear. IM not sure if thats good or not.
What i do on my time when no one is around should be my business and it makes me angry tht he can look at dating sits and porn and all that, but its wrong for me..
i cant do this any more, i almost give up..

December 14, 2005
2:20 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hi Kasie:

We can still get rid of the files I think even if you are not the administrator. There are a few things we can try. I'll ask hubby when he gets up.

Here is what I have for you to work on for now......

PENNSYLVANIA DIVORCE STATUTES » Return to top
RESIDENCY REQUIREMENTS AND WHERE TO FILE: Either spouse must have been a resident of Pennsylvania for at least 6 months before filing. The divorce may be filed for in a county where: (1) the defendant resides; (2) the plaintiff resides, if the defendant does not live in Pennsylvania; (3) the marriage home was, if the plaintiff continuously resided in the same county; (4) prior to 6 months after separation, and if the defendant agrees, the plaintiff resides; (5) prior to 6 months after separation, and if neither spouse lives in the county of the marriage home, either spouse lives; and (6) after 6 months after separation, either spouse lives. [Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes Annotated; Title 23, Section 3104].

When was your divorce filed in Pennsylvania? According to this, and it needs to be confirmed thru an attorney, you may still be able to get your divorce in Pennsylvania if you qualify under 5 or 6 IF it also works for folks still living together and you filed w/n the last 6 months.

You might call your attorney or ask an online Pennsylvania attorney the following question:

I filed for divorce in Pennsylvania on ___(date)____. My husband moved me to South Carolina on ___(date)____. Considering I am not a legal resident in South Carolina until 3 months after moving here, so since I must still be a legal resident in Pennsylvania until my 3 months here are fulfilled, can I still proceed w/ my divorce in Pennsylvania? You might let him know you moved w/ your husband because he is abusive and you feared not moving since he has threatened you w/ taking your child and/or your life and that he has friends that will come in and lie for him in Pennsylvania. That he knows folks on the police force in the area you lived. That you do believe he has folks that will lie and that you do believe he will hurt you and/or take your son thru manipulation and lies.

You mentioned you had someplace you could disappear to... is it in Pennsylvania? If yes, then let this attorney know that. There may be some way they could help you get back to Pennsylvania while he’s not looking. Either thru means they know of or thru a cooperation between agencies of both states. Ask him if there is a way to get back and in a shelter if that is what it takes.

Might try this one...... Arrange to speak with an experienced family lawyer by calling:
(215) 348-5448 or click on the email link above. Initial 20 minute consultations are free.
Site: http://www.paperdame.0catch.com/lawstuff/familylaw.html#The_Initial_Consultation

Sorry your day is not goin well. Check this out and get back to me. I'll be here 45 min more and then gone for an hour or so and then back again. Hang in there. We're doin what we can for you.

December 14, 2005
3:12 pm
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kasie919
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Thank You, I Have a call into my lawyer, im afraid he will ask for money and call me stupid, but he knows how controlling my husband is.
I am just sick over all this.
I just found some files he has been keeping on me and saved,i deleted them. I dont care what happes, maybe if i get lucky i wont live to see tomorrow.

December 14, 2005
3:20 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

STOP IT!!

You have to put those files back.
NOW!

It's ok he's keeping files, so he's not stupid either. But if you delete them you'll not know what he has on you. Let's get them put back now before he knows and then you can keep track of what he has on you and you can be ready to refute it.

HEAR??? You there?

December 14, 2005
3:33 pm
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kasie919
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He has nothing on me, i really dont care,
I have nothing to hide...
he has old letters from an epal
hell i oprinted them out ill give em to him..
at least someone said they loved me and meant it..

but i wll restore if you think i should
he has my email addresses and passwords

December 14, 2005
3:46 pm
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kasie919
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I restored and put everything back im sorry i just feel so damned vulnerable.

December 14, 2005
4:01 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

PUT BACK ALL THE FILES YOU DELETED..... Please

IF he knows you are doing things on the computer then he will take you off the computer and right now it seems to be your only link to getting out of there.

Want him to have a tantrum and smash the danged thing? Besides.... if he is stupid enough to put things where you can find them, then that is a plus on your side. You visit it regularly and write down what he has. Could definitely be a help in the longrun.

I know you get discouraged. I know what's it's like to just say "go ahead and get it over with" to someone you don't want even looking at you. But you have a son to think about. You have a precious little 4 yr old boy that has his whole future riding on you. If you are out of the picture do you really want his dad to raise him? To teach him to an abuser too? And don't say "well, he'll be in jail" I know that one already too. If you think that then think about who out there might your son land w/. That is an even scarrier thought. So, sit down and take a deep breath and let's start again.

December 14, 2005
4:07 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Sorry I posted after you. I hit send and the phone rang w/ an emergency for my friend that helps me take care of my house. Then my hubby's mom called for him... AARRGGHH!!

Anyway, I thank you for putting things back. I also am sorry I was a little harsh w/ my postings to you. I just don't want you hurt again and I don't want you to lose contact w/ the outside world.

Hang in there. You will get thru this. We've only begun to try out our options. Let's not stop before the first page is turned.

As for hiding your things. If you have tiled ceiling you can lift a tile and put it up there. You can also put it on flat paper, no notebook, and staple maybe 10 pages together and pull up the carpet and start down the wall w/ your pagse. If they are flat he'll not notice. Just be sure to get the carpet replaced. If you need other suggestions we'll come up w/ some.

Take care. I gotta go. Be back in couple hours.

December 14, 2005
5:25 pm
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gettingthere
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hi kasie ,i cant say that i am totaly free from pain no,i have had some counseling which has helped me greatly,and done loads of reading,i am now reading the homecoming john bradshaw i highly recomend this book its about healing our wounded inner child, i do think about you hence why i look each day to see how you are.............gettingthere

December 14, 2005
7:19 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hi Kasie...

Hope things are goin better for ya. Take a step back and just forget things for tonight and enjoy your son. Hopefully he'll not be around. Just wanted ya to know I am prayin for ya as are others. Hold your head up and be strong.

December 14, 2005
8:15 pm
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kasie919
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Hi everyone,
Im ok, he's sleeping at the moment,
just have to admit it is time to go, need to get my life in order, i need some help..
will i be held against me if i go to therapy?
will they take my son if i do?
i laready take zoloft.
im scaired to death of loosing

December 15, 2005
12:49 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

I would think if you went to counseling it would be a good sign, but I really don't know. Guess it would depend on how he spins it and what the judge believes. I just don't know what to tell you. I would say if you feel you need help now then go get it now. But....

Did you hear back from your Pennsylvania attorney? If you could get back up there and disappear and get your divorce then get the counseling, but you are gonna have to be a very strong woman to turn this off. So far you are doing great.

You do what you need to do to survive. The rest can be dealt w/ later. That's my best opinion.

December 15, 2005
8:40 am
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kasie919
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Mama C;
I havent heard back yet.
Im feeling different today, than any other day, had a long sit down with myself, after he went to sleep..
I Know i have to be strong, and i have been weak and stupid in the past.
So this morning I told him I needed the car..
I have a few interviews to go on and hope i get a job..
One thing i do know about myself is im stubborn, and refuse to accept this is a loosing battle, and i know few people will understand, but i have to be abke to take care of myself and my son before i get out..
I do promis u he will not abuse me any more, and i will call the police if it happens..
I need to find out why i keep meeting these kinds of men..
After readiing about ddog, i see my life just flying by, and i know i need to move on before that hurt hit home as well.
I know its soon as i saw yesterday he has registered with several dating sites as well as porn stuff..
I am going to get strong and tuf, im gonna need help, and i have to learn to ask for it..
I dont want to be the one who just lets it all happen any more..
Im going to do the best I can.. Im not gonna give up.. hopefully soon i will be telling u im free and on my way to peace..
You know im glad i found this site, i have learned alot about myself in the few days ive been on..
I thank god, it ma have saved my life.

December 15, 2005
8:49 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

All I can say is good for you, good for you, good for you,......

I would like to recommend the book "Codependency No More" by Melodie Beattie. I think that book will give you a big boost and teach you alot more.

Please do keep your log, collect your evidence as you go. Keep coming here to talk, vent, keep your sanity. You are always welcome here.

BE SAFE!! BE STRONG!!

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