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Im lost and need help
December 9, 2005
6:11 pm
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kasie919
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Ive been married for 14 years to a man i dont love, we got togehter under circumstances that were stupid, both on rebound of divorce, I tried to leave many times, and every single time, he would convince me that i am the bad person and i needed to realize I needed him. I finally filed for divorce in May, but the violence and termoil got so intense I had to recoil, the thought of loosing my child just about killed me. Now I have move to another state, and am alone. Right where he wanted me. No one to help me. Its started again and Im not sure I will make it this time. I have found recluse on the internett and have fallen onto this site, I am hoping someone here can give me soli advice of how to move on with out feeling i will losse everything.

December 9, 2005
7:14 pm
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lewis
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think about the gains of moving on not the loss.

Try to stay positive, I know its difficult, but in the end life as a funny way of working itself out for you.

I hope things get a little easier for you.

Take care.

December 10, 2005
10:27 am
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kasie919
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Well I have all patience in the world, but my heart and mind may not survive.
I have never met such a control freak.
But thnk u for the kind words.

December 10, 2005
10:55 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Would you care to elaborate a little more into your situation, and let us know what you would like us to help you w/ as to help you find a way out, just be moral support, ...

I am glad you found this site. When I was in that situation there was no internet for me to escape to.

December 11, 2005
1:00 am
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kasie919
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mama c:

its a situation i feel i cant escape, over and over the nightmare returns, i know im in the abuse pattern, i cant afford counseling,os why i found this site.
I feel as if i have found a feww friends who will be honest and true.
My situation is this,
as i have said been married for the 3rd time to the same kind of man. each time thinkinh i have broken the cycle of destruction. you know the " i will never hurt you or do those things to you cycyl"
I filed for divorce a few moths back hoping to get out and away, i felt good and strong, but then the worst hit,the "i will prove your unfit,your suicidle,your mother did it' and i will take all you had away, he said i owuld never see my son, the police calls the all nighters, and finally the protection order. But he has friend on the police force who was actually willing to testify against me saying i blew it all out of proportion. Yep thats right we dream and conger up thr trashed house,the bruises,the tears and the threats to burn the house to the ground if i leave.right?
so the lawyers got it heated more,saying i dont deserve custody,although i have raised my son and his father has no time or patience, but the threats got deeper, i got scaired, i bellied up. he convinced me if we moved away to a new place a "fresh start" you know he even called my dad to testify against me,he wouldnt but just the thought killed me.
so now, as stupid as i am regretting evrymove hating myself more because i was almost there, im stuck, i wish i knew what to do,and where to go how to handle it. I cry more and more, i have no one here, i pretend and make it look oh so happy,so he wont yell hit or threaten me.
I put all my will and heart nto my son sp i can keep from thoughts i shouldnt. I came to the net for friends.searching for someone to talk to some one who knows the hurt and pain i feel.the secret i hold and the bruises i conceal.

December 11, 2005
1:12 am
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Philmore Bowles
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This is a little bit out there - what about a hidden camera, or recording device?

I've seen TV shows about people catching their Nannies abusing their kids with hidden cameras.

If he's got people in positions of trust lying against you, it couldn't hurt to have indisputable proof against him.

December 11, 2005
1:17 am
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kasie919
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im in a new state now
he doesnt have those same frineds
but he has spywhere every where .

i have no money to do such things..
he wants to know where every penny goes

December 11, 2005
1:40 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Remember kassie, where there is a will there is a way.

Don't give up on yourself, or your son. To get out of this situation, you are going to have to look for new solutions to old problems. Be creative and resourceful. You can do it. Whether you take my advice, or not, you can do this.

I think you might be confused about the function of spyware and/or spyware removers. They have nothing to do with surveillance or it's detection. These cameras are completly independent of your PC.

If you are willing to look at this possibility, I would be glad to do some research on your behalf.

There are a lot of good hearted people in this world and it doesn't always take your money to get what you need.

Not pushing, just offering ideas.

December 11, 2005
1:45 am
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Philmore Bowles
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If his powerful lying buddies are out of the picture, why wouldn't you get in touch with any of the local authorities, or Social Services, or a Battered Woman's Shelter?

The cameras and such are a bit overcomplicated if you don't have to debunk false testimony.

December 11, 2005
10:27 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Hi. Hope your am is going ok for ya.

Philmore is correct about the spyware.

A few questions for ya. Is he monitoring your computer useage? As in what sites you are going to? And yes, that is simple to do.

Keep this site totally anonymous. Do not put it in your favorites or make a shortcut to it. Only brings it to his attention.

IF you feel he is monitoring your computer usage we can take care of that. Just need to know what you are running as in... Windows 2000, XP? And do you have Administrator or Limited Access? Do ya'll use the same account on the computer or do you have your own account set up. If you have your own account set up then you will have your own icon you log into and possibly password.

Let me know and I'll teach you how to keep this place from being found, and others.

Also, if you are comfortable letting me know the state you live in can look up the rules for getting a divorce. Most every state has a time period you must live there before you are allowed to be called a resident and you must be a resident to file for a divorce. Sorry.

IF AT ANY TIME you are asked something you are uncomfortable about giving then just say so and we'll find another way to deal w/ it. This is a posting on a board and whomever wants to can read what you put. The good thing is if you keep this site anonymous then you'll be able to come and talk w/ us and not fear anyone where you are is readongt what you put.

I will be in and out all day so go ahead and post and we'll get started on seeing what can be done for you. But, I do need to know the state you are in now. Not your name or anything like that.

Remember this is a new day, and w/ each new day there is another chance.

December 11, 2005
6:27 pm
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kasie919
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mamac:

I have to be here a year to be ok for divorce, I have been looking for some shelter, I have to be extremely carefull.

As for the pc, I have installed a program that detects anything spywear, i run it before, during and after i use the pc, change my passwords frequently,as i have learned from the past.
I have windoes pc. so let me know what u think.

I have to be carefull on the weekends as he is most usually making sure he checks everything i do.
this morniing I saw he was on a dating web site, so my fears have been confirmed as tis is ow it all began before.
I dont know why i allow him to walk on me like i do, its painfull, but if i get upset, he claims how he loves me, no one else would ever want me, as i am fat and quite ugly, he has truly convinced me of this...
And if i leave he will destroy me.. make sure i never see my son etc..
its only begun...
Im tired and very very depressed, i cant seem to shake it this time..
Im scaired, but i know i cant let go of life.. My son needs me....
what do you suggest??

December 11, 2005
8:22 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

That is how they gain control. Feed your dinner to the dogs and tell you it's slop. Anything you do well you are crap at. I didn't sing for 10 years, now you can't shut me up. Yes, and the your fat, nobody will want you, your dead if you go, you'll not see your child,.... honey, I could extend your list by pages, but what I want you to know is that yes, I understand. I walked in your shoes. I feel your pain.

What to do.... you are actually doin quite well as it is. Do you know how to look up the State Statutes and find out what the rules for divorce are, what his rights would be. There are exclusions to a parent's rights if they ..... It can be long tedious, but do your homework. Have your hand in order so that when it is time to play it you will be prepared.

Have you started gathering info on him? Anything such as dui's, arrests, non payment of taxes... seems kinda funny to log that, but may be a bargaining tool later. I know you probably don't put anything on paper... I didn't for so many years, but now you need to start a log of the daily crap... abuse, mentally and physically, how he treats your child or mistreats, that he was on the dating service, any threat, it he drinks how much, write it all. There are places to hide things that he will not think to look. Make a list of the liars he might have come in. Geez, my life all over again. on that list put why you feel they would lie, does he have something over them, is he gonna pay them, etc. Also, I don't know if you or he does the banking but make note of any amounts of money that you don't know where it is goin. IF you do the shopping and he doesn't monitor the checkbook then write the check for 10 or 20 over... start a stash to use when the time is right.

Find the local women's shelters, hotlines, keep them close in case you have to leave. If you call the police then have them take you and your son when they go. They will not leave you w/ him if you show them how fearful of him you are. IF they are called be sure to at least have a report written.

I know this seems like alot, but you know where you are and what you are dealing w/.

For now, especially now, roll w/ the flow, don't cause any waves, you know the drill.

Here for ya.

December 11, 2005
8:27 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hi again. Hubby just got in.

He said that whatever you are running as security may not touch the files. Is your windows pc version 2000, xp, 98... You can find it under control panel and then click system and it will tell you what version you are running. We can take it a bit further or leave it as you have it. Your choice.

December 11, 2005
9:02 pm
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kasie919
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mamma c

I have started working on the divorce info.
And am trying to go to the public library to indulge where i cant get caught.
I do so greatlly appreciate what you are doing and am grateful to have you hear..
Thank you, In more ways than i can ever express..
I use windows xp
I found a program call opius starr, and my program delted it.im not sure totally,if your husband mnay know or not.
Im taking a big chance right now, he's demanding i make him some thing to eat, so im going to log off until tomorrow.
Thank you again for everything.

oh and yes, i keep a very hidden diary, and as for those who may help him,
what do ou think about a suscide note he left for me to find??
help me or him??
and a police repaort to boot but that is from my other prior state.??
thanks you !!!!!!!!!

December 11, 2005
10:07 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

First and always... be safe and do not take any chances.

As for the note and the report. Keep a copy or them if he doesn't know about them. Sometimes the most minute thing can be the biggest help. Use your head. It's better to have to much than not enough.

December 11, 2005
10:23 pm
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kasie919
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Well Tom how brutal you can be thanks for nothing

December 11, 2005
11:45 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Mr. Tom thinks he's cute, but honestly he's nothin but an ugly ol troll. Pay him no mind and don't even give him the satisfaction of your time. Trolls shrivel up and die when they don't get what they are looking for and that's attention.

December 12, 2005
10:33 am
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kasie919
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Well this weekend was a total mess for me, my husband over spent in the checking acount and made it overdrawnm ahich in turn was my fault because he ciuld careless about the bills, we are suppose to pay, he only gets involed when there is a problem such as this one.He does nothig but yell and scream, my poor son, I have got to break free!!
I tried soming here for solice but that tom [email protected]@@&*^% has decided to make it difficult to try.
Im sad and very discouraged, I hate myself more and more, i cant look into mirros cause all i see is uglyness.

December 12, 2005
12:24 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Ignore Tom! He is only out for a reaction so don't even read what he posts. He is nothin but a little gnat on the wall, you ignore it.

Are you still here? let's talk.

December 12, 2005
12:50 pm
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kasie919
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Yes mama c Im still here:

Im finding it very hard not to sleep today, justwanting to hide away.
never thought id feel this way but itd getting more and more freqeunt.Its starting to scaire me.

December 12, 2005
1:05 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

You must fight the depression. It is hard to do, but you find a reason. Your son. How old is he?

Did you find out if your windows was an XP, 2000, 98? Hubby said the package you put on is probably good, but doesn't know if it will take care of the files. Need to know if you are listed as administrator or just looking too. See instructions above for how to find them.

Sorry slow to respond, I am here. Let's see where we can go w/ this.

December 12, 2005
1:13 pm
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kasie919
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I have windows xp, and I am not the dministrator he made himself that suprise suprise although i can get into some tings..

My son is 4, he is playing right now, dont worry i will not let my responsibilty to him fail.
I dont do drugs or drink,
I just feel mysefl falling deeper into this depression,
Im trying to locate a dr here but it is hard with out my husband knowing since i have to ask him to use our last vehicle since he totalled the other one a few weeks ago, which turned out my fault, its such a wonderful life i live in.

I find it hard to consentrate on anything, i canbt finish anything ive started i make plans but never follow thru, thts why im trying so hard to get a job.

December 12, 2005
2:36 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

See if you can do thiss:

go to Control Panel, click user accounts, click create new account and see if it will let you do this. If it will let you then you can set a new account before coming here and then delete it when you are finished and he will not be able to track whre you've been. Of course there is a little more to it but no need to go into unless you can do this. Let me know.

December 12, 2005
2:39 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Just so ya know. Sorry it took me a bit to answer back. I am on dialup so when the phone rings or the wind blows it knocks me offline. Takes a bit to get back sometimes. Just an FYI.

December 12, 2005
2:55 pm
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kasie919
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mama c:
I couldnt creat a new account, but I know if i use my tools I can delete any tracts of daily activiy, also i have been cleaning the hard drive after each use.
Seems awfull i have to do this, as i have no reason to feel like im hiding something.
does the saddness ever go away?
Do i ever feel fresh and alive agin?
will iever like myself?
I know i need therapy, but cannot afford it, and im afraid he will take myu son away if i admit anything.
Im really scaired.

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