Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
I'm losing hope
May 24, 2007
7:51 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey everyone,

I've had a few miserable days. Everything in my everyday life is going well and I have been making great improvements. In both school and work. I finally was able to rebuilt the engine from my car and put it back in the car and have it run flawlessly. With school out for the summer I am able to work full time, this allowed me to start looking to purchase the project car that I have always dreamed of buying. I will probably purchase it this weekend and bring it home.

However, on the other hand, the past few days have been really hard to get by. At work I constantly think of the ex-girlfriend. I used to think of her and anger would come out. Now it's mostly just missing her touch. I kid you not, I would kill to just be able to kiss her forehead. After all she did to me it feels like I still love her. I have broken off all contact with her and it's been almost 3 months that I have not talked to her. She attempted to talk to me via e-mail back in March and I ignored her. She called my house and my mom told her not to call the house again.

I really need to find a way to stop thinking about her. I know, it's hard and only time will put a stop to this, but I need to stop thinking about her. This will start effecting my work performance.

I have tried meeting new girls, yet it seems like every girl I meet is either not interested or already in a relationship. Every attempt I have made to just simply go out on a date with a girl has backfired on me. It sucks knowing that my ex has already moved on and have found herself a new guy while I am still fighting to get over her. This is probably my 3rd post trying to get help and support on this forum.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

May 24, 2007
8:01 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Have you tried meeting people on match.com or something. I know that it feels like you are the only one who is alone, but hey I am single too. I have found that by throwing parties and things like that i meet some single people. I once threw a singles mixer which was really fun. Have you tried asking your friends to try setting you up? Just remember though, maybe you need time to just be. You need to be comfortable being alone before you can think about a healthy relationship with anyone. enjoy your single time. I am going to help you out here.

1) when you are single, you can order whatever you want for dinner and not have to worry about someone thinking you are a pig

2) you can have as much of the covers as you want
3) You can sprawl out on the bed
4) you can fart and burp and no one has to know. hehe

so try not to get to down;)

May 24, 2007
8:05 pm
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Antagonist,

Please dont lose hope. Does it help to know that you are not alone? I am in a similar situation. I am trying so hard to get over my exbf. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But at least you are being strong and sticking to the no contact thing. I am unable to do that. Did you read Atalose's thread "How to get over a broken heart?" That might help you.

I think it is probably too soon to go on dates. I would go slowly when it comes to reentering the dating world. Perhaps, just go out with a group of friends. Keep busy and try to focus on doing positive things for yourself. Don't torture yourself wondering about your ex and who she is with. There is no good that will come out of that.

Just have faith that your heart will heal (so they say). I know, I know. That is so easy to say. But, for me, I have to believe that or else I will go crazy. Just keep posting. Vent here as often as you need to. You will get some pretty wonderful responses.

Sorry I wasn't much help. Just wanted to let you know that I relate (and I am sure there are so many others who can relate as well).

Please try to have a good evening.

Sad

May 25, 2007
11:17 am
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for giving me hope you two, sadly I ended up going to sleep early and had dreams about her throughout the night. I guess I have thought about her so much during the day my brain constantly thinks of her.

Pretty wierd if you ask me.

May 25, 2007
11:29 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

remember, just because she is in a new relationship, does not mean she is in a "good place".

most people need time to heal after a breakup...jumping into something new is a recipe for disaster and not usually meant to last.

Usually jumping into a new relationship is a coping mechanism to deal with the pain...by ignoring it and focusing on something new.

but if you don't heal, those wounds remain and they come back with a vengance at some point.

she may APPEAR to be happy with her new guy...but it doesn't mean she really is.

if she had issues before, she probably still does...they don't just disappear...running from them won't make them go away.

I'm sorry you are hurting and still thinking of her...have you tried new things to do? new hobbies or something to occupy your time and help push those thoughts of her out of your head?

keeping busy and finding mental challenges so you don't have down time to wallow in thoughts of her will keep you from spending too much time on her.

but at the same time, you want to work on healing and getting thru this, cuz just ignoring it won't help either....it's a balance.

May 25, 2007
1:00 pm
Avatar
jewel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Antagonist,

Awwww, I feel bad that you are going through such a hard time. You will be okay though, I promise. I broke up with my ex-fiance almost 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years and I really thought he was "the one". I was the one that dumped him, but I missed him so much in the beginning. I too missed his touch. And his voice. But I came to realize that I broke things off with him. It was my choice. He was trying to work things out with me right after the breakup. He wanted me to work on myself because I was going through a terrible depression where I could't even get out of bed. Now, he has a girlfriend so he is being evil towards me and he has moved on. I am with someone now too. But I shouldn't be. IT is way too soon and I realize that it is my fault if I get hurt. I like loverbee's post. You can fart and burp out loud and no one will know. LOL!! That is so funny and oh so true. You can live your own life. Hon, I know it gets lonely. I still feel like sometimes too. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. I hope I was of some help. I am not the best at giving out advice, but I try. Peace to you my friend. You will be okay.

Jewel

May 25, 2007
1:09 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks again everyone. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. Mostly everyone around me constantly tells me "c'mon get over it, it has been so long" I have no one to talk to about this. And there is only so much my family can listen before they get tired of me talking about it.

Ever since I broke of all contact with her, I have changed my life completely. Even my parents tell me I am not the same person. From exercising, working, actually passing my classes, finally finishing up rebuilding my personal car. The biggest of all that has left an impact on my family is that I am actually nice to them and have stopped snapping at my family members. When I was still in my relationship I was so occupied and tensed up about her that I would hurt the people around me.

However, if I have gone through all this and have changed so much in my life, I'm sure she has too and that what makes me sad. Because she probably changed herself and found someone while I changed myself and still fight to get over her. Does what I say make sense?

May 25, 2007
4:18 pm
Avatar
lettingo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My suggestion, is not to try dating or getting involved until you can get past this. It doesn't do anything but prolong the healing. Sounds like you might be dealing with codependant issues. Have you considered therapy,or 12 step group like Alanon or Coda? I have heard when we just can't get over the "one that got away", it is probably codependant stuff and not love or need. Just a thought.

May 25, 2007
5:48 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

~lettingo

I have already went to therapy. 12 sessions of it. I even tried Prozac and was on it for 3 months. It did not do much.

In all honesty I KNOW I loved this girl. This girl wanted to just be a booty call for me after the relationship. I know she has more value than that and did not want to just use her. She does not know her own value but I did not want to be a part of that.

May 26, 2007
2:03 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Any other advices?

May 26, 2007
3:27 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Antagonist -

Sometimes, we just have to sweat it out. I would strongly suggest that you get your endorphins moving with a regular program of physical exercise. Sounds silly, but it can really help us when we are battling depression or grief.

It is also helpful to get involved in others. That gets your focus OFF yourself. Check out a local "Big Brother" program or other volunteer effort in your community. Helping those less fortunate than ourselves really makes a difference in our outlook.

Finally, take it from an Olde Lady: we can (and do) get over ANY loss, given enough time and courage. When I was 16, my boyfriend of nearly 1-1/2 years dumped me. I was so devastated. He was the First Great Love of my Life. I am happy to reassure you that he was NOT the Greatest love of my life. In fact, I have been relieved for DECADES that I didn't settle for him. I have changed so much, as I have matured. (I'm sure he did, also.) He is definitely NOT the one I would want in my life now.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

- Ma Strong

May 26, 2007
4:27 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Antagonist...I watch a lot of Korean love drama, I love them because I get to watch the insanity of codependence played out in the name of love. Some of them are really gut wrenching tear jerkers but oh so fun to watch. I have watched those fictional characters play out on screen some of of the things I have done when I thought I was so in love that I couldn't eat, sleep, or think. Looking at it on the screen it all looks so ridiculous but when I am living it is real. The one thing that really stands out for me is how people will use and abuse the those people who have a soft spot in their hearts for them and they don't feel the same way. I think your ex. knows how you feel and she calls you knowing full well that you can't help but be affected by it. It gives her some sort of satisfaction that you suffer so much because you love her. I'd say disconnect from her completely, not because you don't have feelings for her, but to put an end to her sick game. In doing so you not only begin your healing but you force her to move as well. All the best... keep posting

May 26, 2007
5:59 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

StronginHim77 and fantas, Thank you for sharing your inputs on this topic.

Like I mentioned previously, I have tried to change my life around completely. I am currently working full time during summer, I excercise regularly and on my free time I work on my car or a family member's car in the garage. However, while Im trying to keep myself occupied there are always little things that will remind me of her. Also, she lives so close to my house that everytime I live my house I am afraid of bumping in to her. I know that it won't even phase her to see me but it will definitely leave an impact on me seeing her.

Last time I talked to her was March 4th. Almost 3 months ago. I have fought hard with myself not to contact her again. This week was one of the hardest weeks. I don't know why but I constantly thought of her, and everytime my phone went off I would hope it would be her...but it's funny since I changed my phone number so she would not be able to call me for sex.

I value/valued her so much. She deserves so much in life, she shouldn't just call up a guy for sex. I wish she could understand that, I tried to make her realize that but I just got cursed out. That's when I gave up and changed my number. She never realized this but she really messed me up. I am still damaged by all the mind games she played with me. I only wish she could understand, she is so self centered there is no way she would accept anything that I would tell her. Sigh.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
40
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111143
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
ronaldcarter, Andrewank, petterson20, KarlWalter, ChristopherStanley, OsbornWebb
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information