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im loosing it i need help
January 21, 2006
10:15 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

Hey Kasiegirl. Glad to see you.

As for your daughter... As w/ my son. If they choose to do the drugs then there is absolutely NOTHING you can do for them. Let me ask you why do you feel so much guilt over this? Did you not do for her the best you could under the curcumstances you face? I will not feel guilty about my son coz I know in my heart I raised him right. HE made the decision to chuck it out the window. Anyway, what I do for my son is let him know that I love him w/ all my heart and that it might be a good thing for him to face things now instead of facing hard time when he is 21, which is in 1s month by the say.

Kasiegirl.... all you can do is tell her you love her and that you want to see her get clean, but until that day domes, You will always love her, but you will not be a guppy and fall for her lies, stealing, or drug abuse. It's called tough love and it is truly hard.

Still here if you want to talk a bit. 🙂

January 21, 2006
11:39 pm
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kasie919
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this is killing me mama, im devistated, she has a baby o take care of...
Im so sad...
I feel like it is all my fault, i feel i am to blame for her to be like this..
I dont even know why. i fought damned hard to keep her near me..
IM so sad.....

January 22, 2006
12:08 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

I am sorry you are sad about all this. I'd be sad too. BUT... You MUST put the blame where it belongs. You said you fought damned hard to keep her near you. Good for you. I commend you for that. And, that bein the case, leave the blame where it belongs, and that is not on you, but on her. Your daughter is making her own decisions and your daughter is gonna pay the consequences for the decisions she makes. I am sorry, but that is just the way the world turns.

You have enough to deal w/ right now other than taking on misplaced blame. Mr. Jerk puts enough of that on you himself, and yes, i understand how you would pick it up and try to keep it to yourself. But you are healing daily and part of the healing is to not take on the things that you have no control over. What is the Serenity Prayer? Lord help me to change the things I can change, let go of the things I cannot change, and give me the wisdom to know the difference. ( I know I just butchered the saying; sorry). See where I am comin from here Kasiegirl?

Now, you need to focus on the issues you have to deal w/ at hand. Know the grandbaby is w/ folks that will care for her. And you take care of you and little mister finding your place to be safe. 🙂

You can do this; I know you can.

January 22, 2006
3:58 am
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tinkrbell
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Kasie

We can't always control the actons of our children. When we teach them wrong from right then the choice becomes theirs not yours. She knew what she was doing was wrong yet she did anyway. Sometimes we just have to let them go so they can fall on their own. That's how they learn sweetie.

About your situation at home, I agree with everyone. It's time you got out and lived a normal peaceful life with your child. Do it for him, most of all do it for you.

Good luck sweetie.

tink

January 22, 2006
1:38 pm
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kasie919
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I know we cant control our Kids, this is just so difficult for me, I love my daughter more than life itself, as I do myson..I would ive my life for either of them.

What is so sad is the thought of her lving on the streets, IM beside myself ove this, I never in a million years thought she would do this.

I have been up all night crying, trying to reason and trying to understand.
Ive called a reahab at home to see how they could help.
I guess the best thing to do is wait until I talk to the detective Monday and see if he can reach her more so than i can..

Im just so, so, sad,sigh...
My daughter, i have let her down..

I cant go home, i want to so bad, but I have no money to go, I have issues here i need to tend to,

Im so so sad.....

January 22, 2006
8:45 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

When you think of your daughter think on this...... Train a child in the way they should go; and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Remember the promise Kasiegirl. Remember the promise.

January 23, 2006
7:45 am
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kasie919
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Good morning:

Ok heres a good one:

the stbx, is now claiming I emotionally abuse him!!
How the hell does he figure this?
he claims that i neglect him, dont speak to him, ignore him and keep sex from him!! WTF??? (sorry)..

What the heck is he ttrying to prove? he has seen my books, because he was that ignorant to open my mail, and now he is hurt? BS>>
Whatever, he can claim what he wants. im sick of this whole situation..

I wanted to tell you somethine my therapist told me last week, we were talking about why its taking so long to get out and about how i go back..
She said you have to be at a desperate point,a point of not ever wanting to go back, Im at that point, she can see it, but she still has a little doubt, which is why im not ready for the shelter..
She says I try to rationalise to much and that if i had a clear head I would see how stupid all this is and I would just walk away, she is afraid ive lost my strength, maybe, i dont know, but im working on it..

I keep reading about women who just walk, with the clothes on there back, they have survived, so i know i can, i know i will make it,and i know there are places to help me, i know i will be ok, i know i will..

Ive not heard any more from my daughter,im not sure where she is or where she is staying, her stepmom is to contact her today, as well as she has to turn herself in, Im praying that she will get help, and realize this is not the way i raised her and she is better than this and to rise above...sigh, still so very very sad..

Ive got a few intervies today, a doctors appointment and have some errands to run, dont knwo when i will get back on,

hope you have a wonderful day,

I wont forget the promise,,

Love kasie

January 23, 2006
8:12 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

I agree w/ your therapist that you have to want to walk away and never look back. She is right there. I waited until I knew he would let me lie there and die rather than take me to the hospital. And then how disappointed he was that I didn't die. So I had to wait for my shot to get out and it came about 7 months later. Kasiegirl I am afraid that your time of realization may be when you are laying in the hospital dieing. You've had how many broken bones? Your level of tolerance is extremely high. I understand the rationalization. You'll most definitely come to that if you walk away and he knows where you live. I hope to God not; but look at his threats Kasie. Look at the constant nagging and torment he does to you mentally. And yes, he has an agenda w/ claiming you do all this. SC is a no-fault state so I'm not sure why he is doing this other than to just tick you off; or to push you to try to leave so he can take his sick game to the next level. Kasie... I so worry about you. But, IF you are gonna rationalize this and go back then don't bother to go coz if you do leave and then come back then you might as well have jumped off a bridge. (don't think of jumping either, you have little mister to watch over).

Now as for your daughter. At this point in time Kasie, you need to walk away. Write a letter that you love her and then just don't look back coz she will blame you for anything and everything she can if she is wanting something. You are not able to deal w/ this for now. When you can look her in the eye and not feel this guilt that the way she turned out is not your fault then stay away. Some guilt is normal, but Kasie don't let this run you over too. It will only take away the focus you need to save you and little mister. I'm not cold hearted, really. Just know if a kid in trouble thinks they can use you to get out of it then they will put the screws to you.

I feel like I am bein negative to you today, but I am not. It is from my care and concern that I say what I do. I want to ask one more thing. Is your therapist just pansying you along? or is she tellin you life in this true colors? She seems to be caring I just want to ask so you can take a look at what is goin on and either listen when she tells you to go or find another that will give you the cold hard facts.

Yes, there are lots of us who do get out and walk away. I won't lie to you. It will be a hard road to take, but so very much well worth the peace and the difference you will see in little mister.

Good luck w/ the appts and the doc. Let us know how it goes.

January 23, 2006
8:13 am
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kabooom
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Kasie ,

Im not sure whats happening with you but i havent seen you online at all anymore.

anyway, just checking up on you ...

dont be a stranger ...k ?

January 23, 2006
3:01 pm
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kasie919
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mama:
Its ok, Im a little tired of myself actually, ..
I dont understand, just wish I could.
Im trying, we talked to day about my health and what is happeneing, we talked about my son and my daughter, mostly my daughter, I cried a good bit, it didint make me feel any better though......

Kaboom:
I sent you an email, IM sorry ive not been around, have been checking in here and there, and i explained in my email about here..

Ive not forgotten my promise, im owrking towards my goal..
Im just so tired any more, just physically tired, im sure it could be the depression but then it could be other things..

Sorry ive let you down..

Love Kasie

January 23, 2006
3:15 pm
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kasie919
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You know, other than counseling, this is where i come to talk about my pain and my depression, my co-dependancy, and my life....
I know people cant push me, or make it happen for me, nor do I expect them to..
What i wanted was just someone who understands what im going thru,some small advice and maybe a few friends.
I know my life is full of drama, it never ends, and people have preached to me over and over about leaving..

This time when I leave its goin to be for me, when I am ready because I dont want to come back, i dont want to live like this any more,nor do i want to cry, have fear or even hurt anymore..
I wnat to be strong, i want to look at the world differently..
I want to spot an abusere a mile away, I want to know when i am controlling or depending on some one, i wnat to learn about loving myself first and foremost, I will be number one, not any one else except my little amn who needs me and depends on me..
If I have offended or put off anyone, frustrated them or pissed them off Im sorry, I was only trying to seek what everyone else has, and that is freedom from the bullshit we live daily by and abuser..

I was only looking for help, thats all...
Im sorry if ive not lived up to what peopla wanted........

January 23, 2006
8:34 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasiegirl... where is this coming from? I hope I have not made you feel this way. If so, I apologize.

Honey, you are who you are. There is nobody here that I am aware of that expects you to be anything more or less than just who you are. We give advice out of concern and care for you. So if I or someone else has stepped over a boundary you want to set then please do say so.

If you came here to share your pain, hopes, disappointments, smiles, whatever then you are in the right place. That is what this site is for. But don't apologize for who you are, what you want, or for your hopes, dreams, or frustrations.

You are welcome here.

January 24, 2006
8:36 am
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Notsure
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Kasie, You have not dissapointed anyone. Given your situation, people here are concerned about your well being.

This place is all about support.

Just remember you only have to do what is best for you, as you see it and only when you are ready.

Yes, I would like you to leave him as he is an abuser and he is in my opinion dangerous for you and your son. However only you can do what needs to be done, only when you are ready and then only when you feel it is best for you.

HUgs. Notsure

January 24, 2006
12:16 pm
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kasie919
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Mama:

No you didnt make me feel this way, I have it coming on myself I beleieve..
I feel as if I should jump through hoops to get out..
I have done alot of reading lately and have started working on the abuse workbook, I have really let it all sink in..
I read some of thie things and I can see everything he does to me, I even struck a cord in sexual abuse after reading what these kind of men do..

Im ready, and I am not sure im going to wait much longer, i need peace..

Im just feeling pretty much like a failure anymore, its a hard thing to describe

January 24, 2006
3:14 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

No, not such a hard thing to describe to us that have been where you are. I understand. But you must keep tellin yourself it is just not so. You are a fighter soon to be a survivor. Nothin of failure in that picture. Keep your eye on the goal.

Hoops. LOL. Oh, Kasiegirl... we do jump thru hoops. Many, many hoops, but in the end it will be worth it. There is a system in place... let it work for you.

Whenever you are ready we are w/ you here. Prayers will, and are, goin up for you and little mister. Keep those running shoes close by. Will miss you if you go into no contact, but will be so overjoyed that you made it.

Smile Kasiegirl... this is another beautiful day God has made, and this is also one less day you have to look at that ugly face of his.

January 24, 2006
4:56 pm
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kasie919
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mama:

I did it!! I called the shelter, made an appointment to talk to the head counselor!!

Im gonna go, either way, I am going to leave!!
I will speak with the attorney this week..

Im so excited!! I cant beleive how I feel right now!!
A surge of hope just went through me..

IM gonna pray really hard tonight, and ask God to guide me safe, and keep me from harm..

thank you, thank you for listening!!

Love Kasie

January 24, 2006
5:13 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

I am so happy you took that step. Way to go Girl....

Listen, before he gets home you get that smile off your face and out of your eyes so he knows nothing is coming. It will be hard to do, but you will. NO NO NO clues of any kind. Don't suddenly start standing up to him or back talkin. I only tell you for your safety. I'll say a prayer too. 🙂

Be cool Kasiegirl.

(((( YEA!!! ))))))

January 24, 2006
8:22 pm
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kasie919
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mama:

I may talk stupid on here sometimes but NEVER At home!! LOL:)

Im trying, at least im tryin!!
Im gonna have a good talk with the lawyer, get this, the place is 3 hours away!! I wont have any drives byes!! I ant driving this far!1 hell no!!

I wil let you know what they tell me once i get ahold of them tomorrow..
I think he alreadys knows any way, he has resolved himself, but its to the point of blame and I really hate that..

Im gonna be just fine!!!!!

January 30, 2006
12:47 pm
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kasie919
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Hi mamaC;

Im sorry Ive not posted in a while, ive tried to stay away from this side, as I know some people dont like the long drawn out drama..

Ive been taking some time to heal some wounds that have been open in the last few weeks, I havent had the energy or the drive to really get on mush and write..

My life is still the same, although I have contacted the attorney here, I have to wait 3 more months before I can file for custody, I have been offered the shelter locally, but it is not a no-contact, I think Id prefer to go farther away and have no contact at all...

Ive not been myself, been trying to just maintain existance and figure out my life..

Been reading the bible and keeping my heart connected to God, I know i wont have any miracles, but maybe with my faith he will make me see the light.

I miss talking with you and others, but I find its best when i dont get caught up everyday..

Im making progress with my jobs, have more prospects now, hopefully soon, at least i will get out of this house..

I wish you well, I hope your feeling better theses days..
I do miss you and think of you often..

Take care, Love Kasie

January 30, 2006
1:09 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

So good to hear from you. Hope you don't mind... I've been keepin up w/ you upstairs. And you post here whenever you want to. There is enough drama that your's isn't gonna upset the apple cart any more than most. Do post when you feel like it.

I'm glad you have an appt w/ the attorney. Is it to late to pursue in the other state? I like the thought of the no-contact thing too.

Keep on keepin on as they say. 🙂

Glad to hear from you Kasiegirl. Am keepin you in my prayers, specially when you are not here. You are gonna be fine. And you may not get a "miracle" but just getting away from him could be considered a "miracle" if ya know what I mean. But, miracle or not... God is w/ you honey and he loves you and little mister. Keep giving each day to him and he will see you through.

May I ask.... Do you have a "God's Promise Book"? You can pick them up at any bookstore. It has things from the Bible by topic like depression, mercy, purpose, peace, love, guidance, etc.... It takes the verses from the Bible and puts them under the topic so you do not have to take the time to look them up. Wonderful for when you are upset, need guidance, or just a topical study. I keep 3-5 on hand to pass out when the need arises, but we are anonymous so you'll have to get one there, but put from me when you pick it up if you do. 🙂 I know of many a night I have sat w/ this book for hours.

Chin up Kasiegirl and enjoy your day.

November 22, 2014
11:48 pm
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Guest221
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i am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted supreme spell temple for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he supreme spell temple casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you supreme spell temple for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact [email protected] and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

November 26, 2014
7:46 pm
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MoniqueCurry
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How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

My Names is Monique Curry ,AM from United states .i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in June last year on a business summit i meet a man called Dr ogboni, is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job i m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to taxes my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help his email address: [email protected]

November 26, 2014
7:49 pm
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MoniqueCurry
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THANKS TO GREAT DR OGBONI FOR SOLVING MY PROBLEMS HIS EMAIL IS ([email protected])

i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids were so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster DR Ogboni, testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 24 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called DR. Ogboni and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR Ogboni, i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to DR Ogboni, and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is )([email protected] he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is ([email protected])

HE IS SPECIALIZE IN THE THE FOLLOWING SPELL.

(1) If you want your ex back.

(2) if you always have bad dreams.

(3) If you want to be promoted in your office.

(4) If you want women/men to run after you.

(5) If you want a child.

(6) If you want to be rich.

(7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.

(8) If you need financial assistance.

(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.

(10) if you want to stop your divorce.

(11) if you want to divorce your husband.

(12) if you want your wishes to be granted.

(13) Pregnancy spell to conceive baby

(14) Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage

(15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart.

(16) if you have any sickness like ( H I V ), (CANCER) or any sickness.

(17) if you need prayers for deliverance for your child or yourself.

once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is ([email protected]) contact him immediately...............

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