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i'm just scared
September 20, 2000
2:51 am
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pint
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September 29, 2010
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I shouldn't be up at this hour. But I can't get it out of my head. I'm scared, I want to cry, I feel alone ... and as I see it, my world is coming to an end.

I won't make any excuses, I know that I put myself in the predicament that I'm in. *Sigh* But I just wish it would go away.

I feel like I've been living way under my potential. I feel like I'm living in a big lie. I feel like I've been lied to.

I'm 23, still in college .. and yet I don't even know why I'm really there. Sometimes I think it's just for mom and dad. I wonder if I'm in the wrong field. Maybe I expected too much out of myself.

I was reading some pages with definitions. I could see myself in those words .. denial and defensive mechanisms. I don't know why I'm in such denial .. I always try to down play the severity of my problems hoping they'll just magically fix themselves.

I'm just gonna go cry ...

September 20, 2000
11:38 am
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Jaskid
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September 30, 2010
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pint,

In some way aren't we all in denial of the truth? We all think if I was only like this, or I only had that, life would be great...wrong! Do you ever feel that even when you get a desire fulfilled, you are still left wanting? The more we want what we do not have, the longer we will be looking to the future for our happiness. How many times do you think you would be happy when you received something or achieved something or won something, yet when you finally did have it, you couldn't wait for something else. Pint we are all searching...but sometimes in the wrong places. You know who you are and what you want. Whatever happens outside of you will never replace that which you can find within you...wherever you are. Find your peace...stop lying to yourself and accept what is. There's a door in front of you...Are you going to open it?

:)Jaskid

September 20, 2000
3:33 pm
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Molly
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You sound tired to me, when was the last time you had some good clean healthy fun. Jaskid is right, open the door, if you dare. Life is like a box of chocolate, and some of us don't like chocolate, so go to the ice cream store, and get a sorbet! You are in college, because you have the opportunity its a good place to be to meet people, to see what is available out there, and to learn, and grow. When we stop that its over. go smell the flowers, go drink some tea and listen to the birds. List your problems, and next to it, list the solution, and the lesson, one step at a time. It took a while for you to weave your web, and it will take some time to get out of it. We have no patience any more, we want it all now don't we? Then list what you do want and like, YOU, not something that you do "in order to" ie, love, money, If I wear this dress I will get his attention, or yada yada yada. It is tough being your age, sometimes life seems so fast and empty, but it is our choice, and that sucks but that darn free will thing, choose to be happy now that you have cried, and take the steps that will make it be different, you can do it, and can't get a better team to cheer you on than here. Smile it will change your brain chemestry!!!

September 20, 2000
8:24 pm
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college would be over soon, then u'll be getting a job, earning money and hopefully feeling better. in college we work but dont get money. in job, we work and get money for it. besides, in college u;re thinking where am i gonna use this stuff? job will make ure life better. it will come right after college.. right.?

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