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I,m I co-dependent?
September 29, 2003
2:27 pm
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Whispering_Kitten
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My sister says i am co_dependent in my relationship with my hubby. I,m not sure??? She says i should be going out and doing my own thing, even if he doesnt like it.(Like going to bars, without him, not being home when he gets home from work) I feel i should be home with him when he gets home, and i dont feel i should be in bars without him. He doesnt go to bars without me. I talked to a friend of mine about this, and she thinks my sister is trying to cause problems in my marriage. Maybe someone could explain what co-dependent is. Thank you

September 29, 2003
2:48 pm
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artist 2
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Ok. Co-dependency is a cycle between two people. The cycle just keeps arguments going, both parties trying to keep control, or to survive in a dragging relationship.

If you want to be with your hubby when he gets home, that sounds like love to me, not part of some cycle. If you respect him the same as he respects you, sounds like a good thing.

Maybe your sister is co-dependent? Is she trying to get more of your attention than usual? Does she have someone? Could she be jealous?

Couldn't hurt to check out a book on co-dependency, to be sure.

September 29, 2003
5:24 pm
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Lar
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Hi,

I have been going to counseling for my problems with my husband who is an addict to pain meds. I come from a family with a father who was an alcoholic and a chaotic life. I feel so unhappy in this marriage of 11 years. I am constantly suspiscous of everything my husband does. Per his request I bought him a cell phone so that myself and our 2 children could call him need be (as he has a bad tendency to leave without letting anyone knowing where he is). I called his cell phone for the first time today and he did not answer, but called back 15 min later. I was not very nice to him on the phone (as he always questions me as to why I don't answer my phone, so it was more of payback). When I got home he said that I would not keep a leash on him and know his every move so he gave me the cell phone back and told me to give it to someone else. I went off and said he obviously had something to hide. He said he did not wanting me to review every little call he made or call received.

Help - does this sound like a problem or am I making a big deal out of this.

I have talked him into counseling together but he stated "only if I did not bash him." He knows that I have went to an Al-anon meeting and is very upset that I would do that. He thinks he does not have a problem and that I am making a big deal over nothing. (this is someone who cannot make his pain meds last until his refil, chews and snorts his meds (occassionaly), and gets addt'l meds from other people.

Thanks to anyone who has any suggestions.

September 29, 2003
5:56 pm
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free
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I rarely go out into social situations without my fiance. It's not much fun when he's not there. Some things I do away from him, like go visit my family, but I like to be with him. I don't need to, I just want to. This does not sound like co-dependency to me at all. It sounds to me like you are in a loving and healthy relationship.

free

October 1, 2003
1:21 pm
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lucyABD
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Lar,

Trust your intuition. If it seems like the cellphone issue is a problem (it certainly sounds like one) then it probably is. What reason could he have for not wanting you to see his phone calls?

You sound like you are trying to take care of yourself. Good for you. The fact that you H. is unable to see that there is a problem, or got upset when you went to Al-anon for support probably means that he is pretty deep into his addiction and unable to function in a way that is healthy. This wont change until he is ready to face reality.

In the meantime, remember that you can only work on getting you healthy. You cannot change you husband.

Keep going to Al-Anon or getting the support you need elsewhere.

Good luck, peace,
Lucy

October 1, 2003
1:24 pm
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gingerleigh
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Whispering, if you aren't unhappy with the situation with your husband, why worry what your sister thinks? It's her issue, not yours.

Is the real root of her problem that you aren't spending any sisterly time with her any more?

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