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im having detatchment issues
February 25, 2005
12:26 pm
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fitch
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the guy i love (hes in recovery and way ahead in the healing game than i am) has decided that he needs to detatch from me. i know that i cant do anything to keep him close, and even trying would be pretty pathetic on my part and unfair to him. i know he loves me, and cares about me, and even says that hes "in" love with me. and i know that, because of our situation(im still married no matter how unhappily and we dont live close to each other)its probably a smart and healthy thing to do. but OMG it hurts so bad! i am feeling so rejected and "dumped."
in middle school i had a poster that said "if you love something set it free...if it comes back, its yours. if it doesnt, it never was"
i know i should apply that little tidbit of wisdom here, but what if he doesnt come back?
i know i need to detatch from some people too...am i going to hurt them this bad? i can handle the part where i stop "rescuing" and "caretaking" but i dont know if i can actually follow through with detatching knowing first hand how bad its going to hurt them.

February 25, 2005
12:43 pm
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Anonymous
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It is hard when you care for someone, but it is good that you recognize you need to let him go. Especially if you are married.

DO you and your husband have problems?

February 25, 2005
1:01 pm
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fitch
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ya, there are problems. first off, im beginning to realize that i never really loved my husband...i just fell in love with the idea of being in a relationship with someone who seems to love me...i was so starved for affection and attention when i met him. in the past 7 years ive overlooked and forgiven, even blamed myself for his cheating, demanding and immature ways, and total intolerance to anything that either inconveniences him or threatens his control or authority. i know i need to move on and im lining all my little ducks up in a row to make that possible. i know that the reason i so willingly became involved with the one i really love was because he provides all the things that im supposed to be getting out of my marriage, but am not. love, peace, attention, affection, and respect. im envious of the inner peace he feels, and feel that the chaotic sence i have in my life at the moment makes me unworthy of the kind of love i feel from him. maybe he feels the same way and thats why hes detatching? i am trying to do what i need to do for myself to have that kind of happiness...i dont think ive ever really known what its like, but i see glimpses of it through him. maybe when i do achieve inner peace and healing we can be "re-attatched?" does that ever happen lol? should i just move on and put up the proverbial wall so this dont happen again? omg what a mess lol

February 25, 2005
1:11 pm
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kathygy
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I'm sorry you are hurting. Did he let go of you because you are married? If so then he is just taking care of himself and its not a rejection of you. If you really love him you want for him what he wants for his self.

February 25, 2005
2:29 pm
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fitch
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ya, me being married was a big part of it i think. i know you are right...he is taking care of himself and thats part of why i love him...hes one of the only people i know that is truly comfortable doing that. lol...that says alot about the people ive surrounded myself with, huh? ya, this hurts ALOT. but after some severe soul searching today ive realized just how valuable this whole experience is to me. maybe im just trying to sugar coat it for myself, but maybe growth can come out of it all.

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