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I'M GOING BACK TO COUNSELING, BUT I'M HAVING SECOUND THOUGHTS.
January 15, 2007
10:47 pm
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santino
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I was having a long talk with my best friend, we broke up from our partners about the same time. I asked her if she misses her boyfriend and she said not really. I asked her if she still thought about her ex and she said, sometimes. Then she asked me, you still miss her huh? I said yes, I do. Her response was, still??!! I know she didn't mean it, but it really made me feel bad. I told her some of the stuff that I'd been thinking about and she said that I think that there is a glimmer of hope of a reunion.

to which I replied, no way!! She's gone and thats that!!

She tells me that I still love her and I'm not over her.

I called my councelor and scheduled some meetings (my work offers free counseling sessions)

I feel like I'm going backwords. I'm back where I started 6 months ago. Back in counseling. Every time I talk about my ex, it makes me hurt. I know my sessions will be talking about the ex. I don't know if I want to go now. I'm having secound thoughts. I'm tired of thinking, talking and caring about my ex. It was six months ago!!

Like I said, I know if I go back to counseling, my ex will be the topic of discussion. I just don't know if I want to open that door again. What do you all think? Should I go? Or should I just cancel and just deal with this on my own?

January 16, 2007
12:25 am
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thetbeav
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You are very lucky to have a counselor at your fingertips. I called and made an appointment with one and found out today that it will be $150 even with my insurance! Take the oppritunity you have.

Everyone gets over things differently so you shouldn't feel badly just b/c your friend was able to do it quicker. I don't see how it could be a bad thing to talk to a professional about how you're feeling. I would do it in a heart beat!

Good luck to you...I'll check in. I hope you keep your appointment.

January 16, 2007
12:50 am
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santino-

You can steer your session any way you want. You can even preface the discussion by saying that you don't want your issues with your ex to consume your time there, but you just want to mention that your friend's remarks hurt you and if that's what you want to focus on- tell the therapist that.

Also, your friend is just lucky. Everyone heals from breakups at their own pace. You can still hurt from something that happened a long time ago and not want that person back (I guess I'm thing of myself here). There are all different stages of healing and we are not all the same. I'm sorry your friend's remark did not validate your feelings. Sometimes even our closest friends can trivialize our pain, but I guess unless they are being malicious it is best to go easy on people. Your friend just doesn't get where you are coming from. Maybe this can happen with more conversation, or maybe not. Depends on personalities, life experiences, etc. But I think no one ever understands what goes on between two other people. But we can only TRY to advise or discuss these delicate matters with each other, it's just that sometimes we get clumsy and indelicate.

Your friend is lacking in empathy at the moment, especially since she seems a little out of touch with how you feel. On top of that SHE is telling you what she ASSUMES you feel. She should listen to you more. If you are saying she is wrong, and you are not acting otherwise, than why is she pushing her wrong opinion? Maybe she really isn't over her ex and there is a little projection going on here. Who knows. It's probably not worth losing a friendship over, but if you are the kind who can talk it out, that is always good. If not, therapists are a great alternative. At least what you say in therapy, stays in therapy.

be well,
ella

January 16, 2007
4:23 am
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alycia
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Its been 15 months almost since my break up and although i am 99 percent healed sometimes there is that little piece that still needs to be glued then i will fully be better.

Six months isnt a long time at all, i was still in tears sometimes after 6 months, even a year later i reckon..

Its only just within the last 2 months i feel human again, i want to live my life and i want to smile, i want to see friends, before i forced myself to do all these things.

The counselling is free .. go for it, i was meant to do it but getting a babysitter everytime is what hindered me or i would have been there with bells on talking about how hard done by i was hah....

It will go santino, that i can promise you, it just may take alot longer than 6 months......

i agree with mzrella who said, u can still hurt from something that happened a long time ago and not want that person back........so very true.. take care k

January 16, 2007
6:40 am
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CAMER
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Santino, i'd go for the counseling, and yes talk about the ex, but moreso talk about why you are still feeling the way you feel, and yes, not everyone "gets over" ex's in 6 months or even longer than that, everyone is different, just like every relationship is different.

Just like this website AAC, we talk about our past relationships and ex's but it has more to do with "us" and why we feel the way we do...its about healing ourselves.

(((good luck hon))))

camer

January 16, 2007
11:16 am
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santino
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Thanks everyone, I appreciate all your advise. I think I'll go, I'm seeing the same counselor that I saw 3 months ago. I'm kind of excited to tell her about some of the progress that I made. It should be interesting.

January 16, 2007
11:21 am
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santino
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I have to confess, I have been lingering alot lately, I've been day dreaming about my ex alot lately, I try to stop, but it just consumes me sometimes. I day dream about us living together. Having a great time, not having kids yet, the whole 9 yards. It drives me up the fu&^ing wall that it's not a reality.

This is one of the main reasons I want to see a counselor, I want these thoughts and fantasies to go away.

January 16, 2007
4:30 pm
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santino
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So I just came back from my sesion with my counselor and I have to say, she really made me feel good about my progress and sometimes common setbacks. She reassured me that time eventually heals all wounds but it also takes hard work. I didn't plan on the hard work, but I guess I have to do it 🙂

January 16, 2007
7:59 pm
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taj64
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I say go!!!. I am so with the time heals all wounds. It really does take a LONG TIME. It has taken me what I feel an unusually long time but I have made progress. I have been at it way longer than you so I can assure you it will indeed happen. Believe me I still think about my ex all the time. But my memories are absolutely no longer hopeful. You still are at that somewhat hopeful stage and that takes awhile to get through. As is she somehow might change her mind. As time goes by, you will settle into she was so wrong for me. You have made it this far, haven't you? Look how far you are now. SOme loves take much longer to get over. This love is a big one for you. But you know, you such a wonderful guy, you will get through this. I still have my dreams of my ex only mine are not fantasies anymore. The fantasies are what keep you hanging on. trust me, you will get through this. I know you will.

January 17, 2007
5:21 pm
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thetbeav
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That's awesome!! Good for you for going. It's hard to just lay it all out there, and you did it.

Why did you guys break up by the way? How long did you guys date?

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