Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I'm feeling worthless
October 24, 2006
9:29 am
Avatar
2alone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know its a huge symptom of co-dep to feel worthless - but I can't seem to pull myself out of it today. I think what has triggered it is litterally two ex-boyfriends emailed me yesterday and the gist of their messages are that I'm good for a physical relationship but they don't want the responsibility of being with me in a relationship. I feel worthless...I internalize it to feel like my personality must be crap if all they want is my body. For all of those interested - I did have enough self worth to say no. It really wounded me.

I called a guy friend and told him what happened - I told him what I was feeling. He said - 2alone you have a lot to offer - you're pretty, you're professional and smart, you are well mannered, you have great kids - you have a lot going for you. Ok - yeah I do. I start to feel better and then I realize - yeah I have all these things that I've worked hard for and yet.... its not good enough for someone to love me.

October 24, 2006
10:09 am
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Maybe you just haven't found someone "worthy" of you, and who you are!!

I suggest to try to see yourself for all of the great qualities you have and for who you are. Try not to see yourself through others eyes if that is in fact what you think may be happening.

You are not worthless...there is no one like you in the entire world, and never will be again.

Be careful what you put out there, maybe too, you are settling when you might want to be more selective. Sometimes it is easier to have a physical relationship....it seems to bring closeness and intimacy but only for a little while, unless there is something of real substance, like communication and beng able to be real and honest about who you are with someone else.

Feel better soon, oh worthy one!!!

hugs,
omw

October 24, 2006
10:51 am
Avatar
2alone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you
I know I put too much worth into what other people think of me. I'm working on that aspect of myself. Still feel lonely.... yuck.

October 24, 2006
11:13 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi 2alone,

I was talking with my mom the other day and she spoke of seeing about 4 different people and then came home and called me with the feeling of lonliness. I believe that we believe what we tell ourselves. If we tell ourselves I am worthless. We start believing it. I am alone alot but I value myself enough to know that I am worthy. I hope that you can feel that some day as well. Do you practice any 12 step programs? Step one is about admitting a problem and then steps 2-12 are about their solution! I go to CoDA cause I know that I can't control others and am responsible for myself! I want to learn to enjoy life not just survive life. My Best to YOU

October 24, 2006
7:56 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is very easy to feel worthless when we value ourselves thru others, 2 alone. We tend to end up with low slef-esteem and self-worth.

A physical relationship is shallow and superficial and there is no depth in it. If fact, it may give you a false blast just at the beginning, but you will end it more frutstrated and your self-worth will even spiral downward.

Ask yourself: is this what you're looking for in a relationship? Is this your standard?

Look for someome whose values and principles match yours if you really want to experience closeness and intimacy in a relationship.

A mere physical relationship does not last long; whereas an emotional relationship is long-lasting and durable. Aim for the 2nd one and persevere till you find it!

Blessings, Ras~

October 24, 2006
9:02 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are not worthless, and the two guys who emailed are likely very shallow and afraid of commitment. Their loss...

Try affirmations. Every morning look in the mirror and tell yourself you are a beautiful and worthy woman. Word it how it feels comfortable. Repeat at bedtime as you fall asleep.

We train our mind/body to believe what we feed it. Our subconscious does not make judgements about the words we tell ourselves. Retrain your subsconscious to believe good things.

October 24, 2006
9:13 pm
Avatar
kirikiri
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

your ex-s are prized fools & jerks and you can be proud of yourself for saying no.
obviously you care alot about them to feel hurt at their callous attitudes.
it happened to me.
but im learning that it's not me who's worthless.it's the other party.
so stop torturing yourself,gal. they don't care about you that's for sure.
that we do makes it so hard and hurts so bad but, when you know the truth, your free.
smile.

October 24, 2006
9:24 pm
Avatar
elizabeth anne
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"I had enough self worth to say no" That was very worthy of you to make a stand for yourself... That statement in itself does make you worthy....Those ex's just didn/t realize your potential.... Recognize your potential...
I had an ex that would say to me " I am not worthy of You" I wanted to scream at him... How are you to judge how I feel about you... There must be things you like about yourself, maybe you could make a list of what those things are...

October 25, 2006
1:51 am
Avatar
Travlin_lite
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi 2alone
A good book I found is How to Love Yourself...we have to take our attention off other's and truly love ourselves before we can attract people who will be good to us or people we don't want in we let them go. It had to be crushing to get a double wamo it almost makes you want to believe they are "right" nada remember there is no one out there worth taking your "self-worth it's yours to own and treasure.

October 25, 2006
7:04 am
Avatar
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

maybe your body stands out as very attractive and beautiful. You might consider taking that as a compliment. You really do get noticed (maybe it´s not exactly the kind of attention you´d like to draw upon you, but hey -you can´t always have things coming at you the way you´d prefer it ...). So treat yourself on "their" compliment and show yourself you´re "worthy" of being or getting noticed in the first place. Do you want (and take) responsibilty for having a relationship with "you" ? If you do, a first start - just to get you going - is to accept and appreciate or value yourself enough to dismantle those rigid or ingrained beliefs about the person you are. It´s precisely that "habit" of yours that´s worthless not "you". As you learn to love and accept yourself just as you are - a wonderful, smart and giving person - you don´t need to be externally validated. Screw that co-dependency concept (fill in anything you like, it´s most likely nothing more but an excuse for you to take the easy way out...). Try breaking this "habit" of always having to let your "car" (how you value yourself: your self-esteem) pass - or drive through - this "toll-gate" (toll-road) of what you´ve come to see or perceive as other people´s judgment or "opinion" of you or your value (worth). They don´t care what you think of them either. Stay positive and take the content of their messages to you as an invitation to push forward to your next level of personal growth. Stop trying so hard. You´re "enough" - you suffice - no need to "prove" that you are. Neither to yourself, nor to anybody out there. Period. Travel lite......

October 25, 2006
8:48 am
Avatar
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my point is : you´re acting as an "enabler" to your own inferiority complex.

Food for thought?

October 25, 2006
9:41 am
Avatar
2alone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for everyones helpful advice. I do look to others to make me feel good. I can't quite figure out how to do it on my own to the degree that I feel is necessary. I know in my heart I'm a good person and I have a lot to offer - its just the old tapes playing "you'd be better if..." or "people won't like and accept you if you..." Its hard to replace it with afirming comments sometimes. Right now I'm even doubting if I know what love would feel like from another person. I know there would be conditions - but how many conditions/expections are too much? Combine this with my absolute FEAR of being alone the rest of my life and I could just die.

October 25, 2006
12:12 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi 2,
I know what that feels like, the worry that if I am alone the rest of my life I won't be able to bear it feeling. But what has happened to replace that feeling is that I really had to get to know me and be comfortable in "my own skin" as they say. Married, divorced, mother of 3 adult children....now ME!! What do I do, .....but I am learning to love me, and part of that stems from still loving and giving to others. Didn't necessarily have to give up much except my PRIDE....being alone was a personal slam for awhile, then the first relationship after my divorce broke my heart at the time. But I guess my point is, is that it sounds to me you are on a path (life is a JOURNEY, not a DESTINATION)...EMBRACE it, enjoy it, learn from it, because it will eventually bring you to a point where you can honestly say, "You're ok."....and wonderful things happen at that point. Love where you are as best you can. I have by no means 'arrived'....I still wonder, but I am happy where I am.

hugs,
omw

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714251
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information