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I'm depressed and addressing my problems seems overwhelming
December 14, 1999
8:13 pm
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Millie99
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I was recently (Oct) diagnosed as clinically depressed. Although I am not real sad, I don't seem to ever be happy or peaceful anymore. I am taking 40mg. celexa which is starting to kick in, but in discussions with my therapist I have come to the conclusion I have been repressing certain feelings such as anger, frustration, and my sexuality. I want to connect with someone, but I feel as though I have a wall around me when I meet an available man. I am fine around unavailable men, but cannot reach out to available men. I have only had one intimate relationship in my life,(9 years ago at age 28). I want to change and feel connected to, but don't know how to break this barrier. I would appreciate any help that anyone can give me. Thanks!!

December 14, 1999
9:51 pm
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EssEmm
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That's kind of a tough issue there Millie... Tell me more. What goes through your head when you're around available men? If you feel like you have a wall around you, that indicates that you're afraid of something. What is it that your afraid of? Rejection?? Intamacy?? Commitment? Or is it something completely different? Put another way, how is talking to available men different than talking to unavailable men?

Also, think about this: At this point in your life are you ready for a relationship? The title of your thread tells me a lot. You're depressed and addressing your problems seems overwhelming. If that is the case, it may be wise to put off getting seriously involved for awhile. One thing that I've had to learn is that a relationship is not a cure all. They're nice but the same problems that you have before getting into a relationship will still be there once you're in a relationship. In fact, sometimes getting into a relationship while things aren't going well can make things worse. I'm not saying don't date and don't try to meet people. You should try to meet people. It just sounds to me like you may need to work on some things in your life before you get into a serious romantic relationship. I'd love to talk more to you about this if you want. Just so you know, I'm 23 years old and have never been in a serious relationship. I think I may have some pretty thick walls up myself. I think I'm finally starting to open up some but it's a long process. Maybe we can help each other. Hope everything goes well for you...

EssEmm

December 14, 1999
10:40 pm
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J. C.
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Hi Millie. When you have learned to repress some feelings you tend to make a habit out of repressing all feelings. I have noticed that when a person finds a comfort zone where they can avoid their pain and anger, then they tend to avoid situations that can cause more pain and anger. Does this make any sense to you? Automatically you put up your wall to avoid more pain that you will eventually have to deal with it. By doing so, you are also avoiding situations that could make you happy or be fun. When you are so used to not dealing with your feelings and facing your issues head on, then when you finally do try to peek in the forbidden door, it will be VERY overwhelming. I know that I still have troubles communicating with people face to face because of not having to for soooo long. It is very emotional for me and so hard for me to NOT take everything so personally. I am so easily offended and paranoid. I'm not sure how to explain all my insecurities and barrier problems without going into detail, but I can relate to what you are feeling. To get anything out in the open, I have to go into tears to say something about what I'm feeling. It shouldn't be that hard to do, but it is. As far as confronting a man...well, try to forget he is attractive and try to remember what's best for you. That should get you by until you can find yourself more comfortable with yourself to be yourself around a trustworthy person. Keep in touch and continue to try putting your feelings into words. Writing can be one of the best therapies you may find.

JC

December 15, 1999
6:04 pm
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Angelwings
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try dropping your hands from in front of you ( protective stance ) and opening your arms to embrace whomever and whatever offers you connection and love, just do it. I guarantee you will get hurt, but I also guarantee you will live and the positive rewards will be great, including marriage and a family....its worth it..blessings

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