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I'm Crashing.
January 18, 2007
3:23 pm
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luvgrl
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I was doing so well. But it was all a show. It was all fake. My ex of 3 years sent me this email... And now i feel like giving up... i feel worthless.... again.
"You can never truly be happy until you stop lying to yourself and others. Even more depressing is the fact that I have to tell you these things. As for your "codependency issues" that was just the iceburg effect, that was only 10% of the surface. The other 90% was other things, ultimately you were the worst and the best girlfriend because now I know the warning flags of a person I don't want to know or get close to. The sad part of it all is that you emailed me asking for help. You still need help but you need closure first, you are only slowing down the process. You are still afraid of being alone, don't kid yourself about that - though everyone is, your fear is a bit more extreme. Your so called "alone" wasn't really that, you were in the same environment and you forced yourself to talk to your "family" and "friends" more. Instead of ignoring them, honestly I could give you some advice ---- honestly and truthfully you know I was the only person who always gave you solid advice. Heh, even if you didn't know it yet.

Honestly I could careless about you or whatever you need because you are so self destructive and part of me doesn't even want to get involved with such a mess. As for your little "im not insecure anymore" rubbish, that is just ego and confidence... Jesus, please go back to get help seriously... But its not your fault you have bad genes, thank God I didn't reproduce with you! Anyways, I hope you are happy in your dillusions 🙂 I hope they last, I am not being mean - just to the point, so sorry if any of this hurts your feelings. I hope that perhaps one of these things will touch a nerve and will cause a chain reaction. Well, I have a lot more to say - but no point writing it - lol, funny you emailed me instead of calling me back - sigh (scared?). Still that little girl scared in her room with her imagination and fantasy's to keep her company at night. Depressing life...

Afterall, this all started well before I came along and will still be there long after I have past.

What do you all think... Is he just a jerk, or is there some truth to what he's saying?

January 18, 2007
3:57 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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Sweetie,

I think that if there is truth to it, and he does care, he'd find a nicer way to put it.

This letter sounds like an email my ex would have written to me...partly to help, partly to hurt.

I don't know your story, so I can't tell you if there is any truth to it.

I would say that perhaps you should consider counseling...not to please him, not cuz there is anything seriously wrong...but if you have any thoughts about "is there or isn't there something wrong"...then a therapist could give you an objective/professional opinion.

If I were you, I wouldn't take any of this personally...he obviously has his own pain to deal with, and he didn't really show any compassion in this letter to you.

Only a therapist can tell you if there is any truth to it...an objective third party.

January 18, 2007
3:57 pm
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scyllamessina
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I HATE YOU!!! AND I HAVE NEVER, IN MY LIFETIME, SAID THIS BEFORE! BUT I HATE YOU. ...I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGIVE YOU. I HATE YOU. YOU ARE, AT THIS PRESENT TIME, THE WORST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET. AND IT IS YOUR FAULT.

~~~

This is the message I just got from my ex. Here is the thing. Even if you and I are miserable people, no one has the right to tell us these type of things. That shows weakness in their character. If someone needs help, then other people should urge you to get help. Other people should pray for you . . . not beat you down.

January 18, 2007
4:05 pm
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Loralei
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Since I don't know the "story" of your relationship with him, it's hard to give you much of an opinion. His email sounds to me like he is totally exasperated with dealing with you. Do you have some examples of what he was complaining about?

I don't think he was intending to be a jerk in his email, just brutally honest. Whether he has basis for feeling the way he does, now that's a matter you should look into yourself for answers. It is very likely that at least part of what he is saying has a ring of truth to it. You may very well have issues that you have ignored or simply don't realize. This would be a good time to do a lot of soulsearching. If you do have some personal issues that you need to work on, you don't want to carry them into your next relationship. We all have room for improvement. This board is a good place to start. We've all been hurt, regardless of whose fault it was. I'm sorry for your pain.

January 18, 2007
4:12 pm
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taj64
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Listen it sounds to me in the letter that he wrote to you to try to convince you of all this things is EXACTLY what is sound like he is doing. Very hypercritcal. Even if you were these things to this degree which I doubt, he could have behaved along the lines of a friend. Telling you that you need help is him really trying to put you down and him saying he is not being mean when he is, is actually being very mean. Though he is your ex, he is callous and he is destructive to you and he could have been the decent guy to be a friend. I bet anything he is describing his own self and I bet anything he is in his room living his sad life typing this very sad letter all about himself and taking it out on you. Im very sorry cuz you deserve better and he knows this and he sees your growth and he hates it, probably the reason he wrote it. Are you so glad he is your ex? Don't let this get to you love girl.

January 18, 2007
4:13 pm
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turnabout
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That was a pretty pathetic attempt to put you down. I'm certain, luvgirl, that everything he said about you could be turned back on him. Healthy people don't have a need to make themselves look great by speaking so demeaningly of others. It actually sounds like crazy-making, emotionally abusive nonsense to me.

January 18, 2007
4:16 pm
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taj64
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Don't write him back either. And if you do simply write back..."you need spelling lessons" just like that and leave it at that. You change the subject as if you could care less and leave him totally wondering. Just a thought anyway.

January 18, 2007
4:38 pm
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turnabout
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"as for your "codependency issues" that was just the iceburg effect, that was only 10% of the surface. The other 90% was other things,..."

Yeah, like, the stuff you were codependent on maybe!

"The sad part of it all is that you emailed me asking for help."

He's right here. It is pretty sad. It's sad b/c you were apparently asking a very destructive, insensitive person for "help."

honestly I could give you some advice ---- honestly and truthfully you know I was the only person who always gave you solid advice. Heh, even if you didn't know it yet.

Sounds like he liked telling you what to do. That's not the same as 'advice.'

And that whole second paragraph is just so blatantly abusive, I won't even honor it with any special attention. I'm just aghast at it. I really am. He had a choice on how he would respond to you, if at all, and he chose this. There's no excuse for it.

What happened, luvgirl? Do you have other threads where I can catch up on your story?

January 18, 2007
4:39 pm
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turnabout
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"you need spelling lessons"

LOL, taj. Cracks me up!

January 18, 2007
4:51 pm
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taj64
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Thanks. I need a few spelling lessons myself but I do believe I picked out several. Anyway I also caught something else out of this. This guy knows SOMETHING about codependency and has done some reading on it. When I came to the site, I never even heard of it so this guy has done some homework. And I believe because he has knowledge of it, he is using it against you, luvgirl. ANd in turn is well in my honest opinion he is reeking of some codependency. And he also sounds like he is trying to control you so that you do feel worthless. And it is shame, because right now you do feel this and he has done his job. But if you can read this and others, please know you are entirely worth everything and only let good into your world. DONT EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!! Hang in there and this little event will pass.

January 18, 2007
4:55 pm
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turnabout
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Inviting anymore contact with a person who speaks to you like this would be self-destructive, even if it is just as a joke or to get even. (sorry, taj, although that idea still cracks me up) Don't invite anymore of this abuse by seeking contact with him. Cut this cancer out of your life. It's choking you. Just look at how this one message upset you. You don't deserve to be spoken to that way b/c NO ONE deserves to be spoken to in that way.

January 18, 2007
5:19 pm
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taj64
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Yes I agree with you Turnabout. Cuz you give your power away when you respond to someone who treats you badly, and silence sends louder message than anything, the best revenge I can think of. So I can see that as the BEST solution. But if you fantasize a little in your mind, it might make you feel better. frickin weanie. 🙂 I am leaving now so good luck with this crash and like things that go down, they do go back up.

January 19, 2007
12:36 pm
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luvgrl
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Wow. Thank you so much you guys. To be honest I was shocked to see what he had written. I thought I was an awesome girlfriend... very submissive... the only thing I did wrong in our relationship was that I was smothering and tried to control the relationship but yes.... he always used to talk to me this way. I was the one who ended the relationship after 3 years cause I realized I wasn't with him for the right reasons. He probably contributed to me being the way I am today. It really is emotional abuse, isn't it? The thing is, I have an AWESOME boyfriend right now. If i was so self destructive and so horrible how could i be with such an awesome guy? Do you guys think my ex has issues? It makes me feel like there is more wrong with me than I even know! lol. I struggle with depression, and codependency issues but I'm working on it, and doing do well. And when I was with him I wasn't even aware that I had these problems. This comment really hit me hard....

"Still that little girl scared in her room with her imagination and fantasy's to keep her company at night. Depressing life... "

Im not sure why. But it really freaked me out that he would say that. I was always locked up in my room... thinking like crazy. Thats whats wrong with me now... I think too much. I think about everything. Sometimes I think I'm the normal one. But its really that I care too much. I wish I was carefree... i'm finally beginning to get there... so thats good.

January 19, 2007
12:51 pm
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luvgrl
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I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and he said...

"What i was saying that this is a myriad of things I can talk about, seriously. I could write a thesis paper about you, sadly I don't have time to write it all out all uniform and formated for you.

Anyways, my original question still stands. What happened in the past (almost) year? Fill me in on your life currently. TakeCare"

I don't like him very much. Lol. I think he's a jerk! Or is he just really smart? I can't tell.

January 19, 2007
1:30 pm
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truthBtold
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He's a fucking jerk!

January 19, 2007
2:17 pm
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feelingfree
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Oh truthBtold~ couldn't have said it any better!
LOL

luvgrl~ this is the first I've posted to you, and I don't know your background- but that e really hit a nerve with me. In my opinion he is playing the 'superior' with the way he is wording most of this, especially the part about being a 'little girl scared'.. ugh.. someone's on an ego trip!

In one ear- out the other- do not give him or his words a second thought!!

January 19, 2007
2:27 pm
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turnabout
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People like this take a kernel of truth that they can distort because they know it will hit a nerve. So remember, even if you see that kernel of truth in his words, remember it's a distorted kernel; Not the real deal.

January 19, 2007
2:37 pm
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tiedupinknots
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If you want to learn how to turn off the mind. You are not your mind stuff - check out The Power of Now, do a search on Eckhart Tolle. It has completely changed my life. Thought is only a small part of consciousness. To stop letting your mind control you is the best gift I can think to give anyone.

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