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I'm confused
November 24, 2004
10:26 am
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codep
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It's been awhile since I've written. I could really use some 3rd party perspective advise.
If you dont remember me or my situation, I am a 32 y/o woman who lives with a 24 y/o boyfriend. I have a 14 y/o daughter that I was apprehensive about leaving her alone with my b/f while I worked, not sure if it was something about my personal jaded emotions or if the intuition was something worth listening to. Well anyway, I sent my daughter back to her dad for now until I sort out some of the things that have been troubling my mind, not to mention the school she was in was getting her involved with the wrong crowd and she was doing things not in her best interest which made things 100% worse.
my delimma is, I lost my job, no paycheck, no benefits, it's all gone.
b/f wants us to move in with his mom temporarily until we get caught up and I find another job. keep in mind I have no family to count on.
He says someday he does want to marry me, he has been very supportive, but my intuition tells me he doesnt love me like he could or as much as I do him. I feel like he is not attracted to me, he hardly wants to be intimate with me, he never initiates it. I feel like I put in all the effort, although since I've told him of my feelings he has gotten a little better. his actions however tell me he could be more. is that weird? should i move to his moms with him? if not what should I do? I know our relationship has issues I'm just afraid that I'm going to get so deeply involved and only end up getting hurt. Is there any way of telling of his love for me truly???
thanks for listening and any advise you can provide...

November 24, 2004
10:41 am
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workinonit
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codep, it's good to hear from you. Funny how we wind up sliding back to our codep ways huh?

I think you know your answers but because of the uncertainty you are afraid to break out on your own. I could be wrong but it sounds like you are in a turmoil and I know when I am feeling this cloudy about a big decision it usually means there is an uncomfortable feeling about doing it.

Follow your heart and trust in yourself to succeed!

November 24, 2004
10:52 am
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codep
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thanks workinonit,
I'm just so confused and I dont have time to think. he's talking about moving this coming weekend and I am just so scared about everything. His mom is really sweet and we get along really well, she told me she loved me the other day and it made me feel so good, my own mother never treated me as well as she does. I just feel like my b/f is not all there, I dont know if i should see if he comes around or not. he really is a sweet guy, and I have always felt any man that ever claimed to love me was full of crap, until I left them and truly saw how much they really did. I just feel like the tables have turned and it always seems common for me that every relationship is off balance, this relationship I love more the next he loves more, and alternates just in that manner. is this weird that I notice that? in his last relationship he was the one giving effort in my last relationship my x was giving all the effort so funny how the tables turn, is there in rhyme or reason to this??

November 24, 2004
11:29 am
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codep
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also I wanted to add, we have talked about where we see our future going and when I tell him my dreams and goals for the future he is really short about his, he says yeah I want to get married and have a family but I am thinking about what needs to be done before that happens, job stability, finances and so on. he is never really open about it, and tells me he will be excited about it some day, he thinks about it but is not priority right now. I just want to share some dreams for the future and see his face light up when he thinks about what our future could be together, but he is more concerned with present. is that a bad sign???

November 24, 2004
11:58 am
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workinonit
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well, I do hear this and I think I fell into this trap in my last marriage. We have these unrealistic ideas that our partners need to feel everything we feel the same way. But, it isn't really possible. We're snow flakes you know!!

But, being alike in your goals is very important to avoiding resentment and disappointment later. Do I remember correctly he is younger than you? My last guy was 12 years younger than me and I think the place they reside in mentally is just not where we are anymore.

Even if you move there for the interim, why do you feel it will be etched in stone that you stay? You ALWAYS have a choice codep. Don't forget that. This is your life and the only one who will make decisions for that life is you.

November 25, 2004
1:09 am
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hey
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yup I agree with you always still have a choice. Maybe moving in with his mom can be a good thing. It can't hurt to broaden your support network. I have found that some mothers can continue to be kind and supportive even after their sons screw up! Also I really do think you may just have to be patient with what he is probably thinking/needing at 24. Dunno just try take it literally one day at a time....(easier said than done)

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