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Im codependent trying to not kill a relationship
June 16, 2006
3:09 am
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ja123
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September 24, 2010
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Im new to this site, just recently learned that I am codependent and am learning what it is and what I need to do to help myself for the first time. I have been burned several times in bad relationships -- last one ended over a year and a half ago and I recently started dating again. I met a wonderful guy who I started seeing, things were going fantastic -- then it happened: all of these fears of rejection, over-analyzing, being suspicious of everything started creeping back in.... I hit the ground running. I felt like I was going crazy and I couldnt control it. I ended up hurting him by ending it without warning, then took it all back a few days later when I had come to my senses. I quickly sought help, for the first time in my life, and have found that seeing a therapist and getting all of that out of my head has helped in so many ways. Through my visits, it was obvious that I had all of the characteristics of being codependent -- finally! A name for the way I feel. Anyhow, it has been a real struggle lately. One step forward, five back most days. Im trying to sort things out with the guy I was dating, we talk -- but I can tell he is hesitant (who wouldnt be). I try to detach, but its almost a compulsion to fix this. Once I get my thoughts under control, something happens and I am across the board again. Luckily instead of acting impulsively, I am trying to sort it out rationally and leave him out of it. I have told him how I feel about him hoping that would help make him understand that it was never my intention to hurt him but I fear that the damage is done. Like I said before, we are talking... slowly. He has said that not talking to me is not what he wants, which is a good sign, but then again - he wont tell me what he wants. There is really no bad behaviors there that would warrant me to run - just my fear of rejection and pain. The thing that started it was a profile on match that after 2 months of dating started eating at me when it didnt come down. We sorted that one out, then it was like a downward spiral -- thinking all of these terrible things that were about to happen. Things that were NOT happening. What should I do? My normal reaction would be to attack the situation and try and control it -- but I cant continue doing that. I do want to be with him, but I dont want to force it. Should I just walk away? Get my self sorted out before trying to salvage this? I could use a little help on this one.

June 16, 2006
4:56 am
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babytina
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stay focused...got to a meeting , support person and/or group daily......so when your with him it can be about you and him and a little bit about practicing new coping skills that you are learning....than end the day with contact ieth support system in some way.....123/abc's know that we get placed with these opportunity to confront the mirror within self cuz it's time to grow...that's what relationships are for...it would be great to know what the payoff is for the guy your seeing....what is his current challenge and learning experience...it's not by accident he's here with you or that your finally see your stuff and able to make some changes

June 16, 2006
5:36 am
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Rasputin
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Purchase Melody Beattie's book "Codependent no more." Attend Coda meetings by loggin on http://www.coda.org.

Keep reading threads here and posting.

Blessings, Ras~

June 16, 2006
1:14 pm
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ja123
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September 24, 2010
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Thanks for the advice, just finished The Beattie book a few days ago, it opened my eyes to so many things.
Also glad that its not an accident that Im here 🙂
Thanks guys!

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