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I'm back!
September 25, 2001
6:03 pm
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ms. T
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September 29, 2010
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Hey, it's me again. I have just got to write and get some of this off my chest. I appreciate the advice I got last time I was on, and I hope that someone can say the right things to make me feel a little better about my situation. I wrote before about losing a friend to a negative relationship. I told her that I couldn't support her decision to rekindle, as she had chosen me to unload all the negativity on. I care enough about her not to be able to forgive him for hurting her so easily. At least, as I have told her, for he and I to interact socially would be extremely uncomfortable for both of us. She says she doesn't want to lose my friendship, and I've told her she won't, and I mean it. But I've also told her that we don't live in a fairy tale where he and I can just start getting along fine. He has had issues with me since things started falling apart with them, which is his pattern. It has always been a girlfriend's friend's fault when his past relationships failed. I told her I am willing to accept that role, and that like in the story of King Solomon, I am willing to give up her company so that she can be whole in one place instead of torn in two. We share the same birthday, and for months, while they've been broken up, we have tentatively made plans to do something fun with friends on our birthday weekend. I knew they were talking and I told her that if she wanted to spend her birthday with him, I would understand (which I don't), but it's sort of like dealing with death; you think you're ready to lose someone, but you're really not. Anyway, I had an emotional implosion today when I found out for sure that she had decided to be with him. This is a man who has not demonstrated loving behaviors physically, emotionally, spirtually, or financially, and yet she would throw over friends who have demonstrated much love to spend time with him. Is she nuts, or what? Does anybody have any suggestions for how I can improve handling my emotions about this until I am proven right and she crashes and burns again? I would appreciate any advice.

September 25, 2001
6:09 pm
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janes
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September 24, 2010
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Sad to say but you are going to have to just accept her decision to "be with" him.

Obviousllly if he is at all "abusive" or a user she may be hurt again....

Then where are you.....

I am sorry it is so tough on you..

It is really hard to understand women who will accept such shit from a amn..

My prayers to you.

September 26, 2001
2:16 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Just like our children, our friends have to learn their own lessons, and often the hard way. You can wait in the shadows for her melt down, and be supportive with out enabeling. Its hard but possible. There will come a time when you grow weary of her bag of crap that always ends on your lap, with no means to dump her debris, and you will grow weary of being her sounding board, and ask for a different topic of conversation, which will change the dynamics of the friend ship which you are all ready experiencing. All you can do is let go with love, hold on to that wich you know to be true, and hope she gets it one of these days.

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