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I'm a nervous wreck - ~plz
November 16, 2005
3:15 pm
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Anonymous
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Okay, I've been like this since Monday. Totally anxiety ridden and forgetful. I finally "confronted" myself (don't laugh) last night as to what was making me so crazy that I couldn't concentrate or think straight. I'm not sleeping well either.

Well, in the back of my mind, I already knew what it was, but kept trying to push it back so as not to think about it. It has been totally unnerved.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I haven't had any contact with my exbf in 2 months. In one of our last conversations we DID have, he mentioned that I had a birthday coming up. I'm totally freaked out about whether or not he will "acknowledge" me tomorrow. I know part of the reason for my anxiety is that I have NO CONTROL over what he will or won't do. I just keep thinking that if the whole day passes with no acknowledgement, it will CRUSH ME! Why am I feeling this way? I've done so well with the no contact thingy. I've had good days and bad days (mostly weekends when I have too much time to think), but this latest "thought" is driving me crazy. I keep telling myself not to expect anything from him. He's let me down before, and he won't come thru this time.

But, the truth is, that I still have feelings for him that I am trying to rid myself of, and a part of me hopes he will at the very least acknowledge my birthday with an email wishing me a good day. I mean, we spent 2 years together, and I practically took care of him thru depression and a job loss that lasted the entire time we dated. NOW, since we broke up, he HAS a job (making great money), so it makes me feel like once he had no NEED for me anymore (financially), then he moved on his merry way. Even though HE tells everybody I dissed him. I didn't diss him, I stood up for myself and refused to be verbally abused. And I've been silent and kept my distance ever since. He has offered no apology or even hinted that he'd like to talk out our issues. Yet he sent me an email 2 months ago (no apology mind you) that professes his love for me. He said, "I can't explain it, I just love you. Why fight it? I guess I love a challenge."

Sorry this was so long, I just needed to voice what has been going on in my head all week. It's eating at me, and I feel better typing it out. Would love some words of wisdom or support from any of you out there. Can't wait for tomorrow to be over, actually! Then, at least, I can DEAL with it!

~Love, plz~

November 16, 2005
4:09 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Plz: Birthdays are hard but you will get thru it with him or without him. Don't let him affect whether or not you will enjoy your birthday.

My ex bf and I had the same damn birthday. He broke up w/ me a month before our bday and took up with someone else. I was miserable but didn't want to hear from him, especially since he had moved on to someone else. I certainly didn't intend on acknowledging his bday.

Well wouldn't you know he had to email birthday wishes. In a way I was pleased because he did and I didn't, but it bothered me since he was seeing someone else. I waited until the next day and emailed him back and said my bday was none of his business, blah, blah, blah, etc.

Please don't wait around for him to call, email, etc. Go on about your day and enjoy it. It is your special day! SD

November 16, 2005
5:03 pm
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Sometimes one thing hooks us back in. For me it was my 18 th AA birthday. I felt like I could not stand not having his undivided attention. He brought an old girlfriend in to be the out of town speaker for that day. I took this personally. He refused to do or say anything helpful to acknowledge it. I all but had a meltdown. Finally, I had to make amends to him for my behavior, and let it go that he would not even apologize. I lived through the meeting, was a lady, and even learned a lot about trusting my HP. However, that night, my mom died, and I called him. He wouldn't even respond in my time of need. The moral here is not to have expectations of things going the way you want them to as far as HE is concerned. I tried and tried to control this man, and could not. I got hurt, grew, got hurt, and grew some more. I don't know, but I guess that I would have been better off to have just let it be how it was going to be anyway, and tried to enjoy the day loving what is, rather than what I wanted. Maybe we always have the right to ask for what we want, but it sure don't mean we are going to get it.

In other words, I feel ya' honey. Go out and make it about you being real good to you, and anything more is icing. Don't get hooked!

LL

November 16, 2005
5:31 pm
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Shaney
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Hi Plz - I know how you feel. I think that after every breakup I've ever had, I wonder if these guys ever remember me on certain occasions, like my birthday. Why, I don't know. I guess inside you just want someone to care. I think that's pretty normal.

Guys think this way too... don't think for a minute that they don't. I had a bf who was so crappy to me on every single birthday during our relationship, yet I always made his birthdays as special as possible. I ended it, and it wasn't that pretty. After we broke up... even YEARS later, I always sent him an email saying Happy Birthday. Well, he would call me and thank me like you wouldn't believe, "I knew YOU'D remember, thank you SO much, you're SO thoughtful." Wow.

As for my exes remembering my birthday, sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't. Don't take it personally if your ex doesn't - I doubt that it would be a personal issue with him. Try to go about your day, stay busy, enjoy whatever you do and the people that DO remember. Not everyone is good at remembering special occasions. I make it a point because it's important to me to give to others, but for the most part, most people aren't that way. I've grown to accept it, and not take it as something that they do on purpose.

Are you going to be one of those milestone ages? I'm going to be 40 in December and could relate to what you may be feeling even more! Ha!

Don't anticipate the worst, just relax and try to enjoy what actually IS. You may be surprised, my friend :o) - I'll be here wishing you happy birthday no matter what - who needs the ex - he's old news. On to bigger and better birthdays!

November 16, 2005
5:59 pm
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Mishy2sons
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Hi,

Happy birthday! I echo what everyone else said. Be good to yourself on your birthday. Love yourself. Maybe buy yourself something nice that you've wanted.

Peace,
Mishy

November 16, 2005
9:08 pm
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Thanks guys!

Sdesigns, Lass, Shaney, & Mishy - you'll never know how comforting your words are to me at this time. I just got home from the gym, and I think I released a lot of the anxiety that's been building up, but of course, tomorrow is "the day".

Shaney, the thing is, I KNOW he remembers the day, he's just that way. But the fear that is rising up inside of me is the coda part of my personality that wants to "control" whether or not he contacts me or not. How crazy is that. I'm afraid he will and I'm afraid he won't. Doesn't make sense, I know.

I just want tomorrow to be over with, so I can put it behind me. I've obviously been hanging on by a thread that this relationship *might* eventually work out. We never really "closed" anything. We've just avoided each other. But I've made a promise to myself, and I'm going to keep it. I've been hanging on to him (in my mind and my heart) by a thread, and if he chooses NOT to acknowledge my day tomorrow, then I'm going to finish letting go. I NEED to do that. Just haven't been able to get over the hump. So, in a way, I'm hoping he will ignore me, so I can finish this off in my own mind and heart. I have such a hard time letting go, and sometimes I need a little push!

Sdesigns and Lass, thanks for sharing your own experiences with me. I know what you went thru with these guys was /is extremely painful. We will get thru this together:)

Mishy - I laughed when I saw your comment about buying myself something because over the weekend I traded my Yukon for a BMW:) I've NEVER been so lavish in my life! lol So I think I did good as far as "loving" myself! Thanks for the tip though:)

Love to you all, ~plz

November 16, 2005
9:25 pm
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addicts wife
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(((Plz)))
I felt soo lonely on the day of my birthday, and was kinda Miffed that I barely got a happy bday kiss, and then he didnt even cal in the late afternoon to see how my day was, was going etc. But ya' know,I Took a nice Long shower...Did my hair, put on my face, and took myself out for a cup of coffee, and went out to see my mom, who insisted on taking me out to lunch.((I didnt tell him that either.))
I MADE a conscious effort to enjoy my day for me, adn that's JUSt what i did.
It turned out otbe a lovely day, and a great night...
My point is... I always have some issue and anxiety about my birthday. soe people get this way about other holidys like Valentines day, adn New years eve etc..But I realized I had choices to make, adn I chose to enjoy my day, Pamper myself a little, and did some little things by myself to enjoy my day...adn Ive taken to doing this here and there too, Like a monday , no special day inparticular, but a "Me day"
I ve found it really comforting and inspiring, and empowering.do "the little things" for myself.
Granted sometimes I drive somewhere and I think that It'd be nicer to share a moment with so and so, but still doing some little things for ourselves every now and then feels quite good.

I hope you are able to enjoy your day tomorrow, and give yourself a lil' cake, or a "treat" just for you.
sing yourself Happy Birthday, buy yourself flowers or something else ypu'd like that you wouldnt normally do just for you.

All just ideas and suggestions of course, but Know we Love ya' here ,and have hugs, balloons, presents, streamers, cake and your favorite music nd dinner waiting for Ya'
((((hugs))))
AW

November 16, 2005
9:31 pm
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sdesigns
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Plz- you bought yourself a beemer for your bday? I am soooo envious. GOOD FOR YOU!! Ya know they say the best way to get over our ex's is by living our lives well- you are doing a darn fine job of that! Congrats. SD (I've been saving up for one- maybe next year- major goal and treat for myself- because I'm worth it)

November 16, 2005
9:38 pm
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The BMW was a nice touch. See, you do know how to be good to you!

Happiest Birthday Ever Forever to you, but if it turns out just plain old Happy Birthday, that's plenty allright, too.

You sound so much more in acceptance. Glad we could help. You have surely helped us, too.

LL

November 16, 2005
9:38 pm
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((((((((AW)))))))))) thank you soooooooo much! You are precious and I appreciate your thoughts to me.

I do have some plans for lunch and with a girlfriend tomorrow night. So it should pass quickly:) I guess I'm just so disgusted that I'm putting so much pressure on myself and being anxious about what he might or might not do. It almost feels like those few seconds before a *crash* when you look up in your rear view mirror and realize the car behind you isn't gonna be able to stop! Even though I'm trying NOT to dwell on it, it's been creeping up on me all week, and tomorrow it will come to a head. I'll just be glad when it's over! Does this make ANY sense?

Anyway, thanks for the b-day wishes, and your kind thoughts and understanding.

Love, ~plz

Oh yea, (((((((Shaney))))))) I'll be 46 honey. After the shock of turning the big 4-0, the "anxiety" now is the fact that I'm closing in on the big 5-0!!! When will it end??? lol j/k

November 16, 2005
9:47 pm
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SD and Lass! You'll get a kick out of this...my ex husband (of 18 years) sells BMW's here in the town I live in. I meandered in there Saturday, just looking around, and he was working, so I made HIM help me! I wish you could have seen the look on his face. Priceless!

I even asked him if I could take it for a test drive, and got him to ride with me. Made my day!!! I know he was feeling awkward about it, and I was having the BEST time. So I had him work up some numbers for me, looked him square in the eye and said, "Be kind, you KNOW I don't know how to negotiate, dammit!", and on Monday, I walked back in there and pointed to the one I wanted and said, "I'll take that one!" LOL!!!

He was stuttering all over himself! Still is! I'm having them install a dvd player in it (for OUR 12-yr old son), so I'm not actually driving it yet, but should be ready by Friday!

Anyway, thought you guys might enjoy my little story...tee hee!!! I love being bad sometimes:) It feels soooooooooooooooo good to flaunt my "new life" in his face:) Awwwwwww, did I just say that outloud??? lol

November 16, 2005
10:29 pm
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sdesigns
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You're my kind of gal. Ah, the simple pleasures in life. Teeheehee.

November 17, 2005
2:04 pm
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Soooooooooo, here's how it played out today.

My girlfriend was walking in the door of my office at 11:15 to take me to lunch, when my exbf signed onto aim. I froze. Greeted my friend, and while she goes to the bathroom before we leave for lunch, an im pops up from *HIM*.

The conversation went like this, "Hey, Happy Birthday". I responded "Thanks, D, that means so much." Then he said, "Are you old enough to buy beer yet?" (haha, little icebreaker). I said, "I need a wheelchair." To which he responds, "After last night."

So my girlfriend walks back into my office before I had a chance to respond to that. Not sure I would have anyway...what the hell was he implying?

I politely said, "Sorry, I gotta run, Ruth is here to take me to lunch. She says hey." So he types back, "Later." I think he had a "tude"...as in attitude because I didn't have more time for him. Well, TOO BADDDDDD!!! If he REALLY wanted to talk to me, he could be a REAL man and pick up the phone like normal people do.

We went to lunch, and when I got back, he had added to the im window "Enjoy the rest of your day!" Well, maybe he IS human after all.

Anyway, I guess I got what I wanted. Acknowledgment of my b-day by the guy I'm still in love with. Even though it doesn't change anything. I'm really thankful that I didn't have more time than that. I could tell he was looking for that "open door". He's gonna have to try harder than that though!

So, at least I won't cry myself to sleep tonight thinking he "forgot" about me today. There is a small amount of satisfaction in knowing that he made the effort. Thanks to all of you who have helped bandage up this wounded, bleeding heart for so many months now. I don't know what I would do without you all!

Love, ~plz

November 17, 2005
2:14 pm
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Shaney
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No more dry sobs! That's great - I'm glad you feel better - now go peel out in your new bmw and celebrate!

hapPY BIrthDAy!

November 17, 2005
3:03 pm
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Thanks, Shaney! I'll do a special "peel out" just for you:)

Ummmmmmmm, how do you peel out??? lol

I'll get one of my son's to show me...they really know how to make those tires squeal!

((((((Shaney))))))

Soooooooooo, when exactly IS your 40th???

November 17, 2005
5:34 pm
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Shaney
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Dooms Day is December 12th. It's not all THAT bad... I still get carded most times so I don't feel like I necessarily look 40.... but the thing is... I FEEL 40 these days. I haven't worked out for months and I feel like my muscles have all decided to petrify within my body. I'm sore. I need to get back to the gym, or do yoga, ANYTHING that'll get me feeling like a 20 year old again ..... yeah right.....spare me. If I had a bmw, that would probably make me forget the muscle pain. What do you think? How are YOU feeling? Do you exercise?

November 17, 2005
6:10 pm
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Oh boy, Shaney, I LOVE it when they ask to see my id! We still got it girl! (sometimes)

I've just recently gotten back in the gym. I had taken a couple months off, and I'm paying for it now:( It just don't go back into place like it used to! *ha*

Anyway, I'll have to remember Dec. 12! I hope somebody is planning a HUGE surprise for you. It's a special milestone, especially when you start realizing that HALF your life is over!!! Egaaaaaaaaaadddsss!!! Or you can think about it like this...the BEST is yet to come! The first 40 were just "practice"! tee hee

I'm out to dinner with a friend. Check in with you guys when I get back. Thanks again for the sweet birthday wishes. It's made my day!

~plz

November 17, 2005
6:12 pm
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Shaney
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Plz - I'm getting you confused with CPT1212, and her post last night. She said the finniest thing about crying without tears last night - she referred to it as "dry sobbing" which about cracked me the heck up. That's why I said something to you, a few posts up about dry sobs. That probably seemed pretty weird when you read that. Ha!

November 17, 2005
6:15 pm
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LOL! Nawwwwwwwwww, I figured it out when I read that other post about dry sobs! Cracked me up too!

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