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If You've Been There, I Need To Hear From You!
January 6, 2006
11:06 am
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growin4
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I am in a situation that is extremely confusing to me. I consider myself heterosexual. I also know that I have codependent tendancies. I am feeling very attracted to a same sex friend and I am not sure what is going on.

How can I tell if the codependency is causing it, and how in the world do I stop it? I use to be alot more codependent toward my spouse. In that area I've improved, but it seems I've just changed my focus to friends.

I need to hear from anyone that has felt the same way, and can offer real suggestions from experience. I fear that I'm going to destroy my life. Help please

January 6, 2006
12:07 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hi Growin. If you're married, I wouldn't worry too much about the same sex attraction. It would be on the same level then as being attracted to an opposite sex friend, unless you and your spouse have an open marriage, which it doesn't sound like you do.

It sounds like somewhere your needs for intimacy aren't being met in your marriage. Have you thought of trying some in person counseling to explore what might be missing in your marriage?

January 6, 2006
12:20 pm
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Lass
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I think that everyone has leftover unmet needs from childhood. I believe it is particularly common for men to have unmet fathering needs. We tend to 'sexualize' feelings of attraction, when sometimes the reason is something even deeper. You might be in need of attention and affection from a male, and more male energy would help heal you. Some of us also feel safer with one sex than the other. Lots of women feel great together, but on the other hand, lots of women have a hard time bonding with other women. They seek out men, possibly due to an absence of fathering also. I do this. That said, it is well within the range of normal to have 'feelings' for someone of the same sex. But, like I said, I think this is due to unmet parental love needs. When I find some feelings like this, behind them is always the sense that this person is like an older sister or mother, two areas of heavy absence in my early life.

Sometimes, we just want to draw upon, or lean upon, the strength of someone else and their caregiving. Being taken care of to some degree feels very affectionate. But affectionate regard doesn't automatically translate into sexual attraction. That might be your point of confusion.

Of course, the ancient Greeks believed in the superiority of male to male love. I disagree. I think it is evidence of some kind of broken area in our lives.

Hope that helped any.

LL

January 6, 2006
1:04 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Grow,

I used to feel attracted to females(I am female) when I was a child and teenager, simply coz I was raised by my mom who is busy and unaffectionate mom. I think it is quite normal to have this feeling. Receiving love from parents is an essential need and any child who is deprived of them will show unusual symptoms of attraction toward the same sex.

I think if I followed my instincts then, I would have become a lesbian by now. But thank heavens, I was always self-aware and self-conscious person.

I would recommend you to see a counselor or therapist as early as possible!

~Best of luck! Love, Ras~

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