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If You Thought that is was truely Worth it to Contact a Previous Love, no Addictions, No codependency, How Would you do it?
July 13, 2005
6:26 pm
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sorry for the long title, but this subject plagues me.

i feel i should have a go of it, but i really am lost for the appropriate words.

Any sane suggestions?

July 13, 2005
6:33 pm
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Deena
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little confused omw??? what do you mean how???? like email or something. Im a little dumb these days:)

July 13, 2005
7:09 pm
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that's okay, if i knew the answer i wouldn't ask.

not the way to do it, i really beleive it would be a good idea, but i am frozen inside with any way to approach it,,,what to say that is not too serious, but gets the message across.

see, i am all honesty, do not play games, and i have not done this sort of thing in so long...i am at a loss for words. maybe this is a dumb thread to ask for opinions, but thought i would take a chance.

AND...i suppose my biggest fear is REJECTION...a lot of threads this week for both men and women on this subject.

July 13, 2005
7:13 pm
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guess i should also add, just want to see him again. i don't even know if we would like each other, as we both have changed, at least i know i have. we both were responsible for the breakup..

but with me it isn't anything harmful, not addicted, etc....just wondering, and thought i would at least try. we used to run into each other but because i just never go there anymore, have not seen him in about 7 months.

July 13, 2005
7:21 pm
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chickyfighter
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OMW, I was in your shoes not too long ago. I guess I had to ask myself why?

For me it was b/c I knew that that ex was one of the very few people who truly treated me and loved me so much more than I thought at the time I deserved. I felt lonely/sad, and wanted that back.

My reasons were genuine to try again, but I also preped myself for rejection or 0 contact. I did hurt him. Just follow your heart, the worst you can do is be back here w/o him like you are now, so I say it's worth the try.but again be ready to not hear from him, just in case, Let me know what happens!!

July 13, 2005
7:23 pm
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Anonymous
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Guess I'd have to know the situation a little more but it seems like a game to me. My experience is that folks who tell me that they don't play games are really saying that they don't like to lose the game but their right there rolling the dice.

Why do you think it is a good idea to re-kindle this?? Are you both still available (neither married or otherwise committed)? you either deal with rejection as a posibility or stay away from it. if you go in knowing rejection is a possibility then I would think you would be prepared for that....what if, on the other hand, it doesn't feel like rejection or you convince yourself that it isn't? Can you trust that feeling? For me, the answer is almost ALWAYS no.

I am more afraid of being driven by lonliness than I am of being alone.

Thanks for letting me drone.

July 13, 2005
7:39 pm
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c-dad,
I appreciate you being forth-right in your answer. And, you know, I suppose if I am not sure, or have to ask, then it could be a game instead of pursuing without fragile intent on my part. So in this sense, there is more clarity for me.

Married/otherwise committed? Absolutely not, neither have those beleifs to interrupt something so sacred, I do not beleive in this, nor does he.

To be honest, I do not know if rejection would be a possibilty or not. A fear I have, but it has nothing to do with contacting him again.

Regarding knowing more about the subject:

Curiosity, owning responsibilty for 1/2 of what made it not work, time passing and wondering that with all of the personal changes in me, I just wonder if it would work.

Could be total stupidity on my part. If anyone were to ask me how logical this is, I would say not very, what is the track record. But I have been so very careful with myself, so very "logical" to a fault, that I really would like to see if there was an attraction.

I am so down to earth I worry myself. I am divorced, have been for awhile, but so has he.

The answer? Take a chance but I do not like looking like a fool, but somewhere deep inside, and I am spiritual by nature, I think I need to try. So I am not asking for permission from anyone, just suggestions of how to go about it.

But, I do appreciate your advice "ALWAYS no". Would you mind tellin me why?

July 13, 2005
7:54 pm
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Anonymous
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It seems that being driven by my feelings as always resulted in getting me right back to the place I don't want to go. If my 'feeling' is that I should or shouldn't do something, it is almost always my self-interest in re-kindling the good feelings of the co-dependency (much like alcohol to me). Left to my own devices, I can, and will, convince myself of anything and the corresponding feeling will follow...to a point. If I didn't want to believe she was rejecting me, I would 'feel' that she wasn't even though the message may have been radically different. i am a very nice, charming, charismatic guy and not likely to incur a get f****ed form of rejection --- which I will process as acceptance.

As to the availability line, I just didn't know whether either of you had 'taken yourself off the market' by committing elsewhere. Always an initial question for me (to ask my self)

Anyway, off to dinner with my 12 year old son. Good luck.

July 13, 2005
8:04 pm
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yeah, I have ignored, dropped the feelings for a long time, as I know they have caused me trouble in the past, so I don't operate that way anymore. However, more clarity in what you say.

I guess it is my choice, and no one can make that for me. And by consulting the website, I guess maybe it is not the most wise decision at this time.

Guess I have already thought through it. Boy that didn't take long! "-)

July 14, 2005
3:05 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi honey,

Sorry, I did not see this thread yesterday, thank God I noticed it today!!!

Honey, is this the attorney man, the one you were posting about the last few months, if so, how do you feel? You know sometimes men are at a loss, they are more rational than we women who are very emotional and passionate.

Do you feel deep in your heart that he loves you but needs sometime to think it over, is her serious...? Answer these questions to yourself and follow your heart!

I will keep you honey in my prayers and ask God if he is the right one to bring the best out of it.

PS: I saw you in dream a few days ago and posted thread for this purpose, please read it and give me your input!

~Love, Ras~

July 14, 2005
3:16 pm
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Notsure
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Never ask a question, where you can't deal with a no answer. Personally if I thought that the end result could be worth it, that I really wanted it, that I was willing to be rejected and most importantly that I wasn't playing a head game then I would call. Notsure

July 18, 2005
4:15 pm
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Ras, thanks will check it out.

(but no more mention of the profession, ok? i have been so open on these threads.... :-)...thanks!)

I appreciate the men answering my thread as well. I obviously think like the woman I am.

July 18, 2005
7:01 pm
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jamaicanwife
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In my real life, I am not at all romantic - my husband despairs. The cynical side of me would say no, no way, it didn't work, leave it alone.

In my secret heart, I treasure a true story. A former coworker, a retired, unmarried teacher, lived a comfortable, well-ordered life, seeming to want for nothing. She had lived many years with a sister who had not married either, but her sister had died before I met her. She had many relatives clamoring for her to come live with them, let them take care of her, but she refused, choosing to live alone, in another country.

She had had polio as a child, and both legs were affected. She wore corrective shoes, but she still drove her own car (that was new when she bought it with her own money in the 1950s). This amazing woman limped through life, never asking anyone for anything, and never once complaining of loneliness.

After I left that job, I never saw her again. 3 years later, I read an article in the newspaper about a retired teacher that had just got married for the first time. There was a picture of this same lady cuddling up to a handsome gentleman in the same age group. They made a very attractive, very white-haired couple. Apparently, he gave in to the strong urge to contact a previous love, not expecting anything.

Who knows? It might be worth a try!

July 20, 2005
2:02 am
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jw,,,thank you for sharing thi ssweet story. and thanks for the encouragement.

chicky:

thanks. not sure how too. have been listening to cd's by Irwin McManus..he talks about following the dream that has been planted in one's heart. of course to involve one's beliefs in God is the key to fully reawlizing the potential, but to continually tell ourselves no it would not work, and allow that to stop us at anything at all, is stifling growth....still have a ways to go, 4 more cds' to listen too, but the man is absoultely awesome.
but should i decide to do it, i will let you know.

July 20, 2005
2:59 pm
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kathygy
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if there's any doubt, which it sounds like there is a lot, Its best not to do it. Its a signal to you that you are not in the right place to make the contact. It has to feel 100% right or its a set up for pain. I need to feel that it is something I want for myself, not something I'm trying to get from him or it doesn't work. In other words, not feeling the least bit needy about it. Is there any part of you that feels needy at the thought of making contact? I need to come from a position of strength where it dosen't matter what his response is, the important thing is I am asking for what I want.

July 20, 2005
3:25 pm
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hi kthy,
no i don't feel needy, as i relly do not know what to expect, but positive or not so positive is ok. i don't see the outcome as a loss really.

my fear, which i know it not good to pay attention to in this scenario, is what "was" holding me back. I have since come to the conclusion since I posted this, that yes, my motivations are important, but need moreso to discern is it fear holding me back and me limiting myself, or is it just something to walk away from. and i do not think it is something to walk away from. i think moving through it could be more positive than standing back because of a false fear.

thanks for your answer.

July 20, 2005
7:52 pm
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oneinthewoods
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I feel that you should try and send him a card.
If you have it in your heart to do something...go for it! Not a game, it sounds like you are past that! you had the right words...I pasted them below:

of course to involve one's beliefs in God is the key to fully reawlizing the potential, but to continually tell ourselves no it would not work, and allow that to stop us at anything at all, is stifling growth..

Anyone who would think that it is a game places judgement, or has pre meditated thoughts about certain behavior that will stunt growth as well. Games are not for all and you seem to be genuine enough to know the truth and find the answer to your heart.
I wish I had the nerve to let my old flame know just how I feel after all these years....I simply can't...as HE is the one who has not found peace yet..I see him all the time, and can't even tell him that he will always be my true love...but you...my dear...go for it as if you do not...you will always wonder!

July 20, 2005
8:52 pm
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hi one,

Wow, thank you for driving it further home to me! Interesting to see our words in another post places an almost objective viewpoint.

I really like all of the persspectives shared here, thanks everyone.

one, I beleive I will go for it. I have nothing to lose. I made it through with this gentleman once before...such a positive learning & growth time for me, although painful at the time, I do not regret any of it, as it has been used for my good. So awesome how situations work!

Regarding your old love...him finding peace is important. The other side of the coin is, would he be willing to let go of his peace gradually...with a loving influence around him...YOU? Some people can be so dogmatic, rigid. It takes a warm heart to melt their's.

Again I appreciate your post. I beleive in miracles in any shape or form!!

July 23, 2005
5:56 pm
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Notsure,

Would you mind explaining what you mean by saying "Never ask a question where you can't deal with a no answer"?

Not certain that I know what you mean.

thx. omw

July 23, 2005
6:05 pm
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I would just call!

Your voice, or my voice if it is me, and hearing his voice wil tell so much, almost a picture of words thru the sound of the words.

Yep, been thining about this thread since it started, and that is now what I would do.

Just my $.02 worth, naw, make it three.

July 23, 2005
9:43 pm
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Sew~,
good to hear from you it has been such a long time!! i guess like me sometimes you pop in and out!!

Appreciate your "2 cents worth". By the way you mean since it ALL really started? uh-oh.

July 23, 2005
10:30 pm
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sewunique
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Hello friend!

Yes, just in and out, read and absorb is pretty much where my space is right now, as you.

So here we are bantering words and ideas again. LOL, from the beginning of this thread is what I meant. However, since you mentioned it, yes, since it ALL the way stated, here. I kniow the history is long, but things have a way of playing out before the timing is better. Once we get some stuff out the way, then the timing is right. When that time is? Only one can guess, it may not feel 100%, maybe just a nagging feeling about it.

Have any telling dreams of late? Maybe that would be key for you, as you have some vivid dreams!

well, you know where to find me; here at AAC.............

((((((cyber hugs, girlfriend)))))))

Sew/C

July 23, 2005
10:53 pm
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yes i did have another dream. i posted it on Rasputins' thread to me titled "OMW I had a dream about you last night!"

Ras interpreted it for me from her bok...and, it was very accurate.

glad all is well with you...good to talk again, I know how the MANN thing...whoops just misspelled "man" anyway, I know how it goes sometimes. Chins up, and onward!!

love ys,
omw

July 23, 2005
11:04 pm
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sewunique
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OMW,

Uh-ha, very funny indeed! ROLF...you have me laughing and speechless..........sometimes patience pays off, with friends that have told me the same.

You sound like you are doing well? We will have to catch up soon with all going on.

My weekend off; I need to get back to things around here I need to attend to and away from this computer!

Will check out that thread you mentioned. Me? Still do not recall one single dream, but I sleep pattern has improved; all in all, things are better. The end of the race for the legal stuff. The end of the race is the most tiring, but the finish line is in site; will be glad when I can touch it!

Sew/C

July 23, 2005
11:04 pm
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sewunique
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OMW,

Uh-ha, very funny indeed! ROLF...you have me laughing and speechless..........sometimes patience pays off, with friends that have told me the same.

You sound like you are doing well? We will have to catch up soon with all going on.

My weekend off; I need to get back to things around here I need to attend to and away from this computer!

Will check out that thread you mentioned. Me? Still do not recall one single dream, but I sleep pattern has improved; all in all, things are better. The end of the race for the legal stuff. The end of the race is the most tiring, but the finish line is in site; will be glad when I can touch it!

Sew/C

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