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If you could start again, where would you???
January 30, 2007
2:18 pm
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If you could start again at any point of your life any project, activity, movment, relationship anything what would it be?Share your experience with all of us its nice to imagine what it would be like, but then again if you do not want to start again tell us why would you not. Just share your experience it is important that way we all learn from each other, as we grow!!
Soledad!!

January 30, 2007
2:21 pm
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balancesekr
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I would go back to 9th grade before I got involved with the guy I lost my virginity to. He treated me like such crap, so I would go back and make much better relationship choices and save myself years of hurt.

January 30, 2007
2:23 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I would not change a thing. I have had a rough rough life from being sexualy and physicaly abused from the age of 3 untill I was 13 to living the first 4 years of my marrige in horrible depression. I wouldnt change anything because if it were not for all of that I wouldnt have the family that I have now. I have a wonderful husband (the same one for 5 years now) and 3 Beautiful God given boys. Yes its been horibly difficult but IT was all worth it.

January 30, 2007
2:26 pm
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Randomwomen : hi i believe i have read your story although i might just be mistaken but if it is you i want to tell you i am really sorry when i read it i cryed very much for it was very very hard to read i went through the same stuff and trust me i totally understood the pain!! But i agree and am with you i would never change a thing i am soon to be married and have the best man in the world!! Congrats on your wonderful marriage and God bless!!
Soledad

January 30, 2007
2:28 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I think you have the right girl it mostlikely was my story you read. WEll congrats on being engaged. That is wonderful

January 30, 2007
2:35 pm
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Randomwomen2:
Thankyou very much!!! By the way im glad you have children that is my dream!! I just cant wait i have to just for school but as soon as i can i will blow out a belly!!! A big blessing with God as my witness!! 🙂
Soledad

January 30, 2007
2:40 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I have a 4,3 and a 6 week old and they are such a blessing. I hope that you do get the wonderful oportunitly to have children.

January 30, 2007
3:40 pm
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jewel
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I would want to change my childhood. I was brought up in a household where my dad worked out of town and my mom stayed at home with us. It was hard without our dad around. But he would beat us and my parents just made me feel so unloved. I wanted to kill myself around 4-5 years of age. I hated my life and everyone made fun of me at school for the way I looked. I have big eyes and they used to call me bug eyes and I wore these huge glasses that magnified my eyes making it even worse. I am crying right now because I still feel the pain. It is so wrong for a parent to not give there children love. I felt like I was a burden on my parents. I had a lot of operations when I was young and my parents didn't have insurance. They still make remarks about how much they had to spend on me. It wasn't my fault. That is why I wish that I was never born. I am still painfully dealing with this and it has been almost 26 years later. Your childhood really does shape who you are today. I am a stronger person because of it, but I wish I didn't have to feel unloved. Now I have my fiance who loves me to pieces. And same with his family. That was a big change for me. Anyway, that is what I would change.

Jewel

January 30, 2007
3:53 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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well, the question is - would we go back knowing what we know now????

I would go back to childhood and TRY to have a childhood.

I would try to make more friends, be more spirited and outgoing and friendly.

I didn't TRY to do anything. I was happy with the path of least resistance.

I would have liked to have taken the commission in the air force academy. I would have liked to try harder in school. I would have liked to finish college. I would have liked to go to a different college.

I grew up with no social skills...THAT is what I would like to change.

January 30, 2007
6:00 pm
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truthBtold
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WOW.....really GREAT Thread!!!! Thanks Soledad for starting it!!!

Jewel, honey....you are not just ANY jewel.....you are a beautiful, incredible, wonderful Pearl!!!!

And you know, REAL pearls start out as just ONE meticulous grain of sand in the oyster....and then - through the process of time, pressure and incredible preserverance, develop layers upon layers of beauty.

An incandescence so bright and beautiful that it is not found anywhere else in nature....and Jewel - honey, that wonderful, incredible Pearl.....is you!!!!!

Don't you EVER FUCKING forget that!!!!!!!!!

January 30, 2007
6:10 pm
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hopeful for change
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Well if I could start again, I still wouldn't be able to control other people so that couldn't improve my childhood. But...If I could change circumstances without changing my children, because I never regret them just most everything else. I would go to college and get a nursing degree.

And not be in relationships with addicts and abusers.

And always be able to financially take care of us.

January 30, 2007
6:22 pm
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truthBtold
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I think - if I could start again....I definently would.

I would not have been so ficking naive to begin with (boy - wouldn't that shave years out of therapy?)

I would have made it a point to seek out a healthy role model in my formidable years.

I would have persued (spelling) my love of science and never-ending curiousity about just - the general nature of things (which still, thankfully remains.....)

I would have loved to have gotten that microscope, that telescope, that chemistry set as a youngster and was encouraged to explore.

Instead, I got 2 parents whom were not highly educated and pooh-poohed the idea of higher education because of their own lack of education and encouragement.

I have never had the notion to reproduce....innately...because I just didn't want to pass on more ignorance - so I have never had children.....which kind of pisses me off when I hear people say that having children has been the highlight of their life!!!!

But, I guess, I am "responsible in that way." I just did not want to pass on ignorance - so I never did and had a hysterectomy in my 20's because of invasive squimicell cervical cancer.

Anyway, that's my story.

Still - I would like to write a movie or screenplay one day which may somehow account for these gross inadequacies - in the effort that others can relate to.

The beginning scene would be a character whom constantly hits their "snooze" button....the ending credits would be Van Morrison's "Brand New Day."

January 31, 2007
8:47 am
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risingfromtheashes
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truth...my parents were the same.

my dad's uncle was a HIGHLY decorated colonel in the air force and would have gladly made sure I got my commission into the air force academy.

but my parents didn't encourage me...didn't encourage ANYTHING.

dad felt he had to protect me from the world (so I don't come home pregnant - his responsibility)...so they didn't let me do ANYTHING except girl scouts and work.

I had NO social life (cuz I could sneak out at a friend's house and meet boys), and I was not encouraged to be physically active (cuz they would have to leave the house to take me out), to do sports (cuz they would have to pick me up and take me), to join clubs (cuz they would have to take me).

my mom didn't like leaving the house and dad didn't care. The ONLY reason I got to do scouts was that meetings were over at the same time dad got out of work, and was passing by to pick me up.

Anyway, I VOWED to give my daughter the opportunities I didn't have. And take every chance to "educate" her on how the world works...we have talked about college and what she needs to do to get there, how to work hard now so she can get scholarships, how important it is to participate in clubs and groups (without going overboard)...etc. I will not allow her to throw her opportunities away cuz I didn't want to participate.

So yeah, I know how you feel.

January 31, 2007
11:28 am
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TruthBtold your welcome and your right about Jewel including the the last part which I tottaly agree she should never forget LOLOL!!! My parents were great they never did anything bad to hurt me phisiclly and they provided everything in material, took me to church taught me ethics and moral gave me education and kept me healthy but i was sexually abused by my aunts for 5 years. Sometimes having good parents isnt all, theres other things in life so even if you believe that the cause of your horrible childhood is having bad parents there are many other things that can affect childhood!! But i agree childhood molds who we are forever!! Today we are adults, yesterday we had no control and we were not responsible but what happends from today on is on us and only we decide what we will do about today. I have decided to not let go of today and make it a better day forever, i decide to smile, do you? Blessings soledad!

January 31, 2007
12:02 pm
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mj
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If I could start again, I would be back in the universe with my creator begging for mercy. Please don't send me there to those parents, siblings, environment. I want to stay her peaceful with you.

January 31, 2007
2:16 pm
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Isis
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I think if I could start again I would go back to the first grade and be a child again for real- without all of the anxiety and panic in my life. Those early years had so much to do with respect to adult that I became. The only thing is, I would need to change how my parents were in order for it to work.

Another thing I would change is I would have prepared to and gone to medical school instead of following the path that my father chose for me.
As difficult as it is for me to admit, now that he is gone, I feel so incredibly liberated. I hate feeling that way because I loved him so dearly.

January 31, 2007
3:20 pm
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southgoingzax
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I'd go back to junior high - I would stay away from all the drinking and boys and petty criminal acts...I would focus on school and change the whole course of my life...it has taken me 14 years to get back to the place I was at 17 - if I could go back, with the knowledge I have now, I could be 9+ years into a career that I love by now.

January 31, 2007
4:05 pm
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Giggles_29
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I honestly don't think i'd go back. I am a firm believer that my past is part of who I am today. I had a wonderful childhood (despite the emotionally unavailable father), and the codependent mother, it really wasn't that bad. I had the best time in middle & high school. Wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't even change my 13yr codependent relationship because I have the most precious little girl in the whole world !!!!! I have just learned from my mistakes and are aware enough not to repeat them (I hope). So, i am happy with where I am today.

January 31, 2007
7:50 pm
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gracenotes
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I still think about this guy I went out with in my early 20's. He was simply a nice guy. At that time, it was too much going out with two guys, so I chose someone else. I've tried to find him several times, but he has such a common name, and he might not even be living in the US, may be in Canada. So, I am not looking anymore.

But I always wondered what it would have been like if I had chosen to settle down with him. This was long before I learned there were "n"'s and sociopaths in the world, and I really learned how crazy and delusional other people can be, how their values are nothing like mine, how some people live without any sense of a conscience, etc., etc.

So, I go there sometimes, wishing we were together, but I really believe I came here to live a life and learn a lot of things, rise to a lot of challenges. And, I have. This life has really been perfect the way it is.

So, here I am in midlife, and I am pursuing my dreams and I just know I am eventually going to settle down with a truly nice guy. Maybe someone like the guy I left behind in my 20's.

I truly know better now.

February 6, 2007
3:29 pm
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mumubaby89
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I wish i was never here....

February 6, 2007
3:29 pm
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mumubaby89
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I wish i was never here....

February 6, 2007
3:58 pm
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nappy
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If I could start again, I would go back to when my mother was alive. My mother died when I was 15 and I just feel that I didn't get a chance to really know her. My mother was a very beautiful woman. Even on her worst days, she was still beautiful. She was taken from me at a early age, a age that I had needed her the most. I was turning into a woman myself but didn't have that time to sit and talk about the things that I would be going through in life. Just wanting to sit and talk to see what she wanted to be in life and what was her dreams.
If I knew then, what I know now about when someone is dying, then I would have taken the time to just sit and sit and talk to her until her death, but I guess as a child, I didn't want to see the pain that she was in and me not knowing what to do in order to take care of her and wanting the cancer to go aways just as fast as it came.
I wish that she could just peak at me for a second just to see the woman that I grew up to be. And for her to be proud.

February 13, 2007
1:42 pm
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She is very proud of you for understanding everything you do today!!
Soledad!

February 13, 2007
3:39 pm
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loverbee
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If i could start over, I wouldn't. Cause everything that has happened, good bad and ugly has taught me to be who I am today and I am beginning to like this me.

February 13, 2007
3:42 pm
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on my way
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I would go back to when I was 22 years old, worked in a law office, and decided to go to Law school...but I never did. SO I would have. There are many things I would do over actually, by making better choices. But I don't really regret anything. Except today I am brain-dead, and so on and so forth.

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