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If i could say what i wanted to say....
June 2, 2007
7:08 am
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foolfoolfool
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September 30, 2010
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I have chosen NO CONTACT, its been 1 week today... A million times i wanted to call you and here is what i wanted to say...

Why did you have to HURT me SO bad?? Why did you make it so i had no choice but to say goodbye to you FOREVER???

Why did you come to me like a comet zooming through the sky, sweeping me up in your exciting flame, entrancing me with dreams you promised to come true?

Why did you stand beside me & vow to never let me go?

Why did you allow someone else to go where only i was allowed to go?

Why did you pretend for so long? How were you SO convincing?

Why were you SO careless with my heart? You tricked me & raped my mind, convinced me it was ONLY me. I gave it to you so freely, i trusted you with it everytime...

Where ARE you now? Do you think of me? Does your heart cry for me as mine does for you? or are you goofing off with your lover? Does she make you laugh like i did? Does she give you those tingles from your head to your toes like i did? Does she dance around in a sarong while cooking you an exotic meal? Does she LISTEN to you & TALK to you & do EVERYTHING in her power to make your life as comfortable as i did?????

WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?????? Where did our CONNECTION go? I THOUGHT you were FOREVER.

Tonight the love has taken over & all the anger has fallen away. I MISS you. My heart HURTS!!!!!!

I CANT tell you ANY of this and its ALL your fault...

Why did you have to hurt me SO much?

June 2, 2007
11:24 am
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Ned 348
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I guess the only two things I can say regarding your post are that only the things that you value are the things that can hurt you. Obviously you valued this person very much and for that I am sorry. The other thing is you cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. If people chose to play games they should not do it with other people's emotions. They should not but they do. Unfortunately that is why people bottle up their emotions and become unhappy trying to protect themselves against further pain.

June 2, 2007
1:32 pm
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lovinglife
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September 29, 2010
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(((((FoolFoolFool))))

I am truly sorry for the pain in your right now. Every time I read of someone's heartache – read about their shattered heart and read about how they are filled with so many questions, it brings me back to the day I found myself making my first post on AAC. Oh gawd the unbelievable pain.

One thing that helped me get through is doing like you did right here… I wrote (and wrote & wrote!). I also soaked up any & all the information that passed on through the NC thread – it helped me understand why I got to that point in my life (codependency) and who/what I was dealing with (my precious exN).

Fool, I know there is nothing I can say to make your pain of today go away. I just wanted you to know I heard you, I felt the pain beyond the words you wrote and to congratulate you on one week of No Contact!!

June 2, 2007
6:07 pm
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lovemedo
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September 24, 2010
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Fool....well done.....a week is a long time, expecially at the start. It is SO hard when feelings sway from one thing to another. It's easy when the anger has the upper hand. You never want to hear from them again, they hurt you so much. Then, hours or even moments laster the "love takes over" and you miss them like hell. All the memories come back and there is no anger to buffer the pain. Hang on in there. Like you I have written a thousand letters. In a sense I wish I had actually written them down because what I want to say has changed over the 4 weeks of NC. I am more into the anger stage now than the loving phase. It is getting easier. I saw him today but he didn't see me. He has a new hair style, looked as good as ever, but I didn't cry. I felt nothing. Tomorrow may be different. Today I feel I am getting stronger, but there is still one huge gaping hole. I have to start a new life on my own and that's scares the hell out of me. Keep posting, Fool. The first week is the hardest. Well done.

June 2, 2007
10:14 pm
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glittered when he walked
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September 27, 2010
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((fool))

sometimes we all need friends to just sit with us and say "'yeah, this sucks"''' we all know we'll get thru it, but we gotta grieve first...and for that we are blessed with friends who say "'yeah, that sucks".

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