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If he says he will call, do i just wait
October 30, 2004
4:14 pm
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starryslp
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just a question,

If a guy, a friend, someone you have known for a long time,and kind of like, says they will call you tommorow, but don't, do you call them? Or just wait until they call?

if you wait, then how long?

October 30, 2004
4:32 pm
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Patarino
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Hey Starry
Long time to see ... hOw are things with you. My life SUCKS!
I gotta tell you, from my experiences over recent times I would wait till hell froze over to call. But, that is just my opinion!

October 30, 2004
4:54 pm
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CAMER
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if he is a close friend who you have known for a while...i would just call him then....maybe he forgot, or was busy or something happened....Now if this was someone who you just met....i would tell you NOT to call him.

October 30, 2004
5:04 pm
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starryslp
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patarino...hey...so glad to see you posting...i have been thinking about you.
What is going on?

Camer...no, i have known this person for a long time..but i would say our relationship has had issues as of late...like me calling too much and being a bit obsessive...so that is why i am wondering if i should wait..
could you give your opinion with this new info. Thanks!

October 30, 2004
5:24 pm
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Patarino
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Hey Starry,
Yeah ... sorry about the lack of contact. I hope you have successfully detatched. You should be on about day 21 or something by now huh? Hope all is well. Do you have a new prospect?
My life is really in the pits. I guess I was just waiting and waiting for the inevitable. I am just so amazed on how much it hurts. I don't mean hurt like in breaking my heart. I mean I just can't figure out why????? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why would someone be so evil to you and then tell you they love you. And the verbal abuse is just awful. I have read so much about it and it is true. They make you believe the things they say about you. I do believe I am a paice of shit and that the problems in our raltionship are all my fault and if I could just change it would all be OK? But ... I KNOW ... I KNOW she is wrong. I KNOW she is and abuser and I just don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe that "I" was in an abusive relationship. No, not me. Not the smart, hard working, sweet business owner. It is still not over in the sense that we have divided all parts of our life. But it IS over. I want it to be over sooooo bad. I want to be strong and believe in myself that I will get through this and still keep my employees and keep my sanity. I just don't know what to do. Today is a real bad day. My grandfather is dying and ALL of my family is here and coming here to watch him die. So sad ... and "she" wants to start world war III. If anything her being this way now will keep me strong for the fight ahead. She is just so evil ... How could I have loved someone who is so evil? Was is ever really love?

October 30, 2004
6:36 pm
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starryslp
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You should read my post " it is a good thing"... lots of great advice on this same kind of subject.

You are definatly not a piece of shit..i know this just by the mere fact that you are trying so hard to work this out. hang in there with yourself..whether it be letting her go, or working it out. You have to be in it for you.

I am ok today. IF you read that post you will see what has been going on.
Day 19, i called him because he told my friend he was miserable and missed talking to me. He was so sweet...but then i really started regretting that i had called....i thought i was ready to be friends with him, but i am not.
oh, i found out too that he has a pregnant girl living with him. pregnant with his baby. i mean he got me pregnant...has 3 kids with his ex wife..and now has this other girl pregnant....he isn't happy about it, and doesn't seemed to be thrilled with her....though he won't be honest with her either i am sure.
i am so angry and that is what is actually helping..i dont think anger is always bad...it is keep me away from his destructive ass.

so, i made it 19 days...which i was proud of...now starting over.

what have you and your sig. other been fighting about?

October 30, 2004
6:57 pm
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Patarino
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Hey starry,
Thanks for posting back. I will read back on your other posts. Glad to hear about day 19. I know what you mean when you say you regret calling even if it was a good call. You still feel like you have betrayed yourself. I suppose in a way you have ... but that is how we learn. That is how we baby step our way into wellness ... at least I hope it is. Conrats and hugs to you for being strong. I am proud.

What have we been fighting about? Well ... nothing new. I think she is using again. She won't EVER admit to it. I don't confront her with it because whe will just lie. She is lazy and won't work to help our business ... always the same. Mostly I just can't forgive her for her lies of the past and she lies still to me probably every day. She is EXTREMELY bipolar and refuses to get help. She seriously needs mental help but has convinced herself that all of her problems are caused by me. She is very abusive and she is just a little crazy. I have been detatching from her a little more every day and it is making her crazy. She retaliates by being evil. She has told me that if I think she is using then she can never be with me because she can never be clean because I want her to fail. The problem is ... I DO think she is using ... or has used since her supposed recovery. I CAN'T get over the strange phone calls, and strange trips to the ghetto, the money hidden in her wallet one day and then gone the next, (money I have no idea where she gets) and every other thing she does that is such addict behavior. I just want to be done with her but I am just not. She told me today that this time she really means it. That she does not want me back because of the drug thing. Well, she has said that 100 times before. I have NEVER once begged her to keep me. She ALWAYS begs me to stay. I want her to let me go but to tell the truth I am TERRIFIED of her. She is NUTSO! She will hurt me in any way that she can. She is evil and she is seriously mentally ill. I believe this to be true from the bottom of mt heart and from the deepest recesses of my brain. She will hurt me and she will not go peacefully. She will hurt our business and it will affect our employees who are like family to me. She will hurt my family by not being there when they need her and by hurting me she has made them hate her. I just want it to be over and done but there is still such a long journey ahead. YUK! Like I said before, I think I was just hanging on prolonging the inevitable because I didn't want to deal with this. I always think that it was just easier to put up with her than to end it all. She is mean to me and she will not be nice ... she has said she will ... but she always does. We have had police at our house, we have been to court, she has cheated on me, she is just not "right" ... which I suppose makes me just not "right" for putting up with her. Codependence is and amazing thing. I still have to keep myself from trying to "fix" it. I will have no trouble not calling her today though. Today will be day one. She has hurt me today a little too much.

October 30, 2004
7:07 pm
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Patarino
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Hye starry
I have to go into town to see my family. I will check back later OK. Just wanted you know know so you wouldn't think I was gone again. Thanks for your time. Hugs

October 30, 2004
8:59 pm
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CAMER
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hi Starry: since you did mention that you 2 had some issues re: your relationship.....then I would not call him!!!!! I just thought this was a friend who you could call up anytime day or nite..type of deal..but if you are more "involved" so to speak, frienship wise...don't call..its up to him now to do the explaining...its 8:30 now EST, has he even called you yet???? and yes, I
hate even when anyone does this to me...its just ignorant...but then again sometimes things do happen in life that changes plans....but you know him better than me. Let me know how it all turns out

(((camer)))

October 30, 2004
10:48 pm
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Anonymous
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Call...

October 30, 2004
10:50 pm
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Zinnie
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Starry,

Sounds like you are "transferring" if you feel you are already being obsessive and calling too much. If you think this is a pattern, perhaps it's time to think about getting help for this to break that pattern.

Work on you.

Z.

October 31, 2004
9:27 am
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november
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definitely don't call. i mean it sounds like you have been calling to much. unfortunately aside from a definite codependent action it can be a turn off when men think you are too interested. ya know they love the chase kind of thing. good luck

October 31, 2004
9:02 pm
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starryslp
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Hi...he did not call today like he said....

Sunny, you said to call...why?

i think i have called way too much..

do i call, or never call. i mean if he wanted to talk he would have called me right????

Help!!

October 31, 2004
9:10 pm
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godsgirl
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If I was you I would just keep busy and don't wait for him 2 call...But don't call him. Let him go after u if he wants to and if not don't worry someone better will come around. I know it is hard but hang in there.

October 31, 2004
9:10 pm
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art angel
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Hi Starry,
I'm glad to see you here! How are you feeling today--is this new guy a prospect? I'd wait and not call him if it is...
art angel

October 31, 2004
9:22 pm
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brendalee
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According to the 4th post - you say that as of late you have been calling too much and are being a bit obsessive. Maybe he just needs some space from you if that is indeed the case.
Forget about him and force yourself to become involved in something else. If he calls - great - if not -you've got other things going on....

October 31, 2004
9:24 pm
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Zinnie
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Starry,

I have to ask - you said that you felt this way with your ex - obsessive, and now with this guy too.

Are you seeking counseling to find out why you have these feelings?

November 1, 2004
9:45 am
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starryslp
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Patarino....How are you today?

" Nothing changes, if nothing changes"

You and your SO need to work on somethings it sounds like.

I wish I knew more of how to help you change the situation, but at least you realize it needs changed...
Any new updates from teh weekend?

November 1, 2004
11:38 am
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artist 2
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Don't wait around... just get busy with your life. If he DOES call, then it's a bonus to what you already have built. Never make a man center to your life.

November 1, 2004
11:41 am
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Anonymous
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Well yes I did say that but it looks like things have changed. If you have been kind of obsessing about this starry, that could be a problem. I thought you two were just friends?

Sunny

November 1, 2004
11:42 am
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Anonymous
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I thought you read the book "he's just not that into you", it states in there, DO NOT CALL HIM, most guys do not like it, if they like you and want to talk to you they will call you, if not, HIS LOSS not yours. TRUST ME. Remember you are the catch.

November 1, 2004
11:46 am
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artist 2
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Aces, true. Guys want to be the initiators. They do have penises you know. They stick out just like reaching out to make a call is a protrusion. (hee)

Reach out and touch some one...

Women are the receptors--the vaginas. Not JUST vaginas, but most women have them. (most?)

November 5, 2004
2:11 pm
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chica
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I think most of us have agreed for you NOT to call.....
I'm in a similar situation. Met a guy that I haven't seen in years, he thought I looked great, told me 'call me sometime', so I took his number, AND gave him mine. I told him, sounds great, call me!
I put the ball back in his court. I am worth the chase (I hope)....guys need the challenge and if I go ahead and call him, its all gone! I'm definitely hoping he calls next week (met him yesterday), but if not, he's not the only fish in the sea! But still keeping my fingers crossed 🙂

November 6, 2004
2:58 pm
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starryslp
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Chica....i know i know...and i haven't called...just bugs me so much..this isnt a new relationship..but I guess I need to remember his actions speak for him..if he hasn't called he must not want to call..

UGH>>>

let us know if your guy calls.

November 9, 2004
7:11 pm
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bkc
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you really can call him. if he's a decent person, he'll still respect you.

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